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How do i get it through to him??

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  • shellsuit
    shellsuit Posts: 24,749 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Combo Breaker
    Thing is, he's lied about the woman and the course, so now you're thinking 'what else has he lied about?!'.

    He should have been upfront, then at least you would have known what you were dealing with.

    Have you asked him what kind of project requires him to take a photo on his mobile of the woman? What if someone on the course didn't have a mobile?

    That doesn't wash with me, sorry.
    Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty...
  • Rachie_B
    Rachie_B Posts: 8,785 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    oh sammy :(

    how many more of these threads til you see sense ? :(

    you deserve so much better ( as does your son)

    xx
  • sammy_kaye18
    sammy_kaye18 Posts: 3,731 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Homepage Hero Name Dropper
    a picture that he'd had on his camera and as he was uploading it i saw a picture of a young ish woman

    sorry wanted to make sure the picture was on his camera! but still no idea why in a class of 10 plus people it was of her.

    MRCOW - I know her name, tht she is engaged, has been living with her in laws, has a young son, works with my OH and that after only knowing each other 2 months they classed each other as best friends.Oh and shes a driving instructor.

    CB1979 - yeah thing is he is around other woman in work and none of them bother me in the slightest jsut this one woman btu we had issues with her mid last year and I almost left so it isnt somethign new - he has known how much this would affect us.

    shellsuit - yes the whole 'what else is he lying about' has gone through me head but i mena he said he hasnt slept wth her but if he can lie so obviously abotu one thing whos not to say he is totally lying about that too.

    Progress in the texts has also gone like this
    BF : 'your not mature text....(see last post)'

    Me : ' Yeah well that worked out well for you didnt it? Because now im sat here thinking that i obviously cant trust you and wondering if i can actualyl be with someone who can lie to me so easily'.

    BF : 'What? Shut up. Your taking this way too far'.

    Me : 'No ____. No im not. Honesty is a huge deal in my book and it goes hand in hand with trust and i was trying so hard to trust you after all the previous crap and you just completely destroyed any i had in you'.
    Making Changes To Save My Life
    Current weightloss - 2lbs (week 1)
  • CB1979_2
    CB1979_2 Posts: 1,335 Forumite
    well if he knows her (ignoring the trust & lies for the minute) then he's probably paired up with her in the class.

    so yes i can see why he'd have photos of her on his camera and vice versa, when they have to go out and take photos of any old crap.

    if he really wanted to hide her, then there would be no trace of her on his camera or he really is a dumbass!

    i can totally see where you're coming from and trust is a massive issue.

    all my point is, don't just listen to people saying get up and leave, kick him to the kerb et al, just cos their previous experiences.

    only you know what you can & can't get out of the relationship and i don't see the point in staying with someone if you're forever wondering where, who & what they're upto but ultimately only you can decide that.

    end of the day, are you going to give him an ultimatum this thursday?

    personally i'd stop texting for now, vicious things can be said (and not really meant) over text, possibly send him one text saying what time is he in cos you'd like to talk to him about this and to try and move on from it.

    not saying you should let him get away with this at all, but as mentioned if it is only going on a course with someone then it could've been a WHOLE lot worse.
  • mrcow
    mrcow Posts: 15,170 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    CB1979 wrote: »
    so yes i can see why he'd have photos of her on his camera and vice versa, when they have to go out and take photos of any old crap.


    lol!!!! :rotfl:

    If you are on a course where you "have to take pictures of any old crap", you will be provided with a camera to do so........not expected to use your mobile phone.

    Exactly what is this course for btw.

    Easy peasy to see if he is lying about when the photo was taken btw.....just look at the details of the time and date that the picture was taken and see if it matches his course time.

    Also, do you know if he has a history of cheating? He split up with his last girlfriend who had his baby......do you know if he ever cheated on her?
    "One day I realised that when you are lying in your grave, it's no good saying, "I was too shy, too frightened."
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  • Sammy,

    Obviously his lying to you about the course is NOT on! But then in his warped male brain he probably knew it would only make you worry.

    Do you still feel like you're not in love with him? If not, then I think it's time to call it a day and remain amicable. No point in flogging a dead horse.

    Be brave and chin up.

    Thinking of you.
    Caroline

    "I'm a trisexual. I'll try anything once," :rotfl:
  • CB1979_2
    CB1979_2 Posts: 1,335 Forumite
    mrcow wrote: »
    lol!!!! :rotfl:

    If you are on a course where you "have to take pictures of any old crap", you will be provided with a camera to do so........not expected to use your mobile phone.

    Exactly what is this course for btw.


    erm read the post and then re-read her repost, the photo was on his CAMERA not on his phone

    it's a PHOTOGRAPHY course, think the hint is there ;)
  • sammy_kaye18
    sammy_kaye18 Posts: 3,731 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Homepage Hero Name Dropper
    CB1979 wrote: »

    send him one text saying what time is he in cos you'd like to talk to him about this and to try and move on from it.
    .


    He has sent a wrong text tom me intended for his mum saying 'im up yours tonight mam, put tea on for 6-6.30' so hes not coming back here straight away - he may well end up sleeping on her sofa for all i know - to be honest i dont think i am particularly caring at the minute

    MRCOW - he is on a photography course and the picture was on his camera that he owns. Ive looked at the details and it was at the time fo his course too. Did that when i first found the picture.

    Also I do know that when he ws with his ex - they were living together and havign problems he went out with mates and ended up back at soem girls house - he said nothign happened between them (his mate was there etc - more a sat talking all night type senario from what i gathered) and then he knew then that him and his now ex were over if he felt he could do that. whether he actualyl cheated or not i have no idea.

    I havent text him since my last text - im not sure i want to - I dont want to speak to him - like i said in his head he has done nothing wrong but he clearly cant see it form my view but if the roles were reversed he would blame me in a minute probably. Im going to leave it tonight now and see what happens - weve had rows before and he has stayed up his mums hous enad the next day i get a phone call after he has had time to think about things and then he explains himself and apologises but i don tthink an apology is enough this time

    I know it could have been much worse but i had a hard enough time trusting him in the frist place after the first episode with this woman and he jsut totally shattered it again so i dont know if i can start giving him trust again - and what sort of relationship do you have without trust???

    .
    Making Changes To Save My Life
    Current weightloss - 2lbs (week 1)
  • CB1979_2
    CB1979_2 Posts: 1,335 Forumite
    for the record, it wasn't accidental that he sent the text to you, all deliberate ;)

    after reading the whole thread now, to be honest he sounds like a complete !!!!!!
    why stay with him if there's no trust, doesn't contribute financially or emotionally, bullies you, turning you into a prisoner in your own home and is generally a knobend?

    not saying you should leave him, but why stay with him? (if you see what i mean?! lol)
  • Uniscots97
    Uniscots97 Posts: 6,687 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Sammy, you are right you don't have a relationship without trust. He went back on what he said about bills, the course and whatever else, and by the looks of things the name calling too. You have every right to be angry. If he had nothing to hide about the course he should have told you. I'm not saying anything is going on but its still deceit.

    Men like that very rarely change. I was with someone like that who expected me to pick up after him, he didn't do the name calling to my face only behind my back. He preferred to spend his money out drinking than us going out (there's other stuff but too much to mention). We split 6 years ago and since then I've met a wonderful bloke and we're getting married next year. My ex hasn't changed a bit. I still have the same mobile number (for work so can't change it), when he gets drunk he texts me saying his current girlfriend is a sl*t, a wh@re etc etc and that he hates her and wishes he'd never met her and should still be with me. He did this when he was with his last girlfriend and the one before and the one before (including the girl he was seeing behind my back who dumped him when he let it slip he actually had a girlfriend when he started seeing her and only kept seeing her because he got dumped by me!). I just switch my phone off when he starts the texts. Although last time I did text him back and tell him he was a sad pathetic liar and that I knew his current girlfriend and would be showing her the texts. I saw them together at the weekend and he's not changed, undermining her very carefully (which he does when he gets bored). All his friends have moved on and have got married or are getting married. It sounds like your OH is similar and may never change. You have to think of yourself and your son in this one.

    At the end of the day its your choice and you've given him plenty of chances but now you've got to think of yourself as you only get one life.
    CC2 = £8687.86 ([STRIKE]£10000[/STRIKE] )CC1 = £0 ([STRIKE]£9983[/STRIKE] ); Reusing shopping bags savings =£5.80 vs spent £1.05.Wine is like opera. You can enjoy it even if you don't understand it and too much can give you a headache the next day J
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