How do i get it through to him??

MrsTinks

mrcow wrote: »

When I say "talk" to your boyfriend.....I mean face to face.....not by %**$^£&* text message!!!

Totally agree And well said! :beer:

Savvy_Sue

MrsTine wrote: »

Point one to everyone: BE NICE TO OTHER MONEY SAVERS!

Thank you for reminding everyone, MrsTine, I have asked Abuse to look at some posts which weren't.

donny_osmonds_mad_fan

Just to put the cat amongst the pigeons....sorry but the pic times with the time of the course but do you know for sure that the course every actually excisted? maybe he has used it as an excuse to get out of the house for the past blur number of months, sorry but just a thought.

BallandChain

MrCow brought up something I was thinking. I don't get why people text each other when a serious situation crops up. It's not just on this thread, but others that I read too. If I want a serious heart to heart with OH we talk face to face. Then again I hate mobiles and only use it when I really have to. I don't have the patience to text, takes me far too long, lol.

MrsTinks

BallandChain - I would love to say I don't do it - but sometimes I find it easier to calmly say what I want if it's not face to face... OH and I have had long conversations on messenger when we've been sat in the same room... As time has gone on I find it easier to talk to him but things in my past made it very hard to speak to him (nothing to do with him!) face to face...
I don't think text conversations are a bad thing - but only in certain situations. When it amounts to nothing more than a way to send upset abuse and swearing then it's a bad idea IMO...
If it enables people to talk calmly whilst they're upset then it's good...
Horses for courses I guess

Savvy_Sue

We have conducted some serious discussions by email, but I don't see it happening by text message!

But then we are both fluent writers, we express ourselves well that way, and it allows us to be sure we have said what we meant. Sometimes HE is too dense to understand what I said, but that's another issue.

Fuchsia_a

He does sound like an awful partner in a lot of ways, but are you sure that they're not just good platonic friends and that he feels like he has to lie about spending time with her because otherwise you'd cause a big fuss about it? Would it seem odd to you that they were getting on so well and doing things together if she were male, or is this type of friendship completely out of character for him unless it's not platonic?

I've had people assume I'm sleeping with or going out with people who I'm completely unattracted to sexually before; sometimes if you get on really well with a friend, it can look like a lot more than that to outsiders when it isn't. If that's the case, you could seem very touchy and paranoid to him, and he could be upset and hiding his behaviour because he thinks you're being unreasonable about it.

There are a lot of people on here saying that he's obviously a scumbag, so I thought I'd offer an alternative perspective in case he isn't (at least in the cheating sense).

Rachie_B

Fuchsia_a wrote: »

There are a lot of people on here saying that he's obviously a scumbag, so I thought I'd offer an alternative perspective in case he isn't (at least in the cheating sense).

not just from this thread though....
but from sammys past threads too regarding her boyfriend

I havent said he is a scumbag,i'm sure he has his good points

But what i've read, and followed of the situation ( as many others have ) i do think she deserves more / better

Sammy hope things are ok ?
x

astonsmummy

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Hi all

Jsut wanted to update this with a note.

I found out today that my boyfriend has been lying to me since september last year.

The course he went on was with the other woman. he told me they had taken seperate courses,were on different days etc and he barely spoke to her or about her after that.

This morning i asked him to emal me a picture that he'd had on his camera and as he was uploading it i saw a picture of a young ish woman (mid 20s) and jokingly siad 'stop taking pictures of young girls' and he said 'sorry but she was on my course and it is part of a project' so i left it. Then it began nagging me so i text him (he was in work by then) and asked 'was the young girl he had a picture of @@@@@?' and he answered 'Yes'. he said if id have known she was on the course i would have given him grief every week - so he clearly doesnt know me as ok i would have found it difficult but its a 40 week course and i would have gotten use to the idea (besides thats the night Heros is on) but i feel absolutely devastated at the fact that hes been lying to me for the last 8 months. I dont know what to do - my head is totally confused and im going through all the emotions at the minute. He text me again later after a few exchanged texts saying 'i see where your coming from but i havent slept with her - i would never and will never'. to which my response was 'but you f---ing lied to me? do you know how much that hurts? I didnt doubt that you hadnt but how do i know your not lying now?'

Oh god i dont know what to do - hes at work now, ive turned my house phone off but have my mobile on silent. i just want to lock myself away and be left alone. I have other 'issues' that i have been suffering with for years and im trying to be so good and control myself but this is triggering me majorly now.

SK, I have followed many of your treads and TBH I am wondering what the hell you are doing with this bloke
You are young, a mum and imo seem to be doing a bloody cracking job, but have this dead weight around your neck.
I'm sorry to sound so blunt but sometimes a bit of bluntness is needed, I've been in the same sort of situation as you in the past, and trust me it wont get better.
You and your little boy deserve to live in a happy stable home, and i'm sorry but i dont think thats would or should include your OH

Uniscots97

:grouphug: Sammy, sending you a hug. Did his Mum come up for his bike? Can you get his Mum's help to get through to him? or what about counselling? If you want to make this work (and if you do make sure you're doing it for you not just the sake of your son, plenty kids grow up fine with just one parent), then he has to be willing to cooperate long term.

As I said yesterday it's your decision, its all good and well for all of us to say dump him but it's you in the situation and if the rest of us are totally honest when any of us were in similar situations we would probably have wanted to hang on and make it work (I know that was the case with me). Good luck whatever you decide to do.