How do i get it through to him??

Elle00

Hi Sammy, I became a single Mum at 22. My husband was always slating me, pushing me around, spending money in secret etc. I filed for divorce in the end because he nearly hurt the baby during a nasty row (I say row, he was punching me).

I wasn't any better off to start with. I was incredibly lonely and it was hard suddenly being totally dependant on myself alone despite the fact that my husband hadn't been much of a help when we were together. But as time went on, my self esteem recovered and my life went from strength to strength - so did my son's.

2yrs on we have a fantastic social rented home full of nice furniture and toys and clothes etc that I've paid for through working on and off (long story!) and through having control over the household finances (ie, it no longer gets diverted to beer, car and credit card funds). I usually have enough money to make ends meet and a little bit besides for extras too.

It took a long time for us to get here but I am glad we did it. I still get annoyed sometimes with my ex having contact when he fancies it rather than taking actual responsibility for our son, but at least I get the maintenance either way. It's more than he gave when we were married!

I think it's important to think about the future and not just the here and now. I know becoming a lone parent is scary, lonely and really hard work but if your husband is as uncommunicative and selfish as he sounds then surely it's the 'lesser of two evils'?

I wouldn't go into a refuge over name calling by the way. Refuges aren't holiday homes, they're often grotty, very small and difficult places to stay at. They're a last resort for the most desperate of women really. If you've got a council flat then you should really hold onto that as there's a big shortage in most areas and you might end up not being able to get another council property for years and years if you choose to leave it.

I think the best piece of advice I was given in a similar situation was "you can't change other people - only yourself". I think that applies to your situation too. You can't force your partner to change if he doesn't want to and it doesn't sound like he wants to. So you'll have to think about how to change your own life for the better.

Best of luck x

MrsTinks

In case you're all worrying as much as me then just thought I'd let you know Sammy is ok - I'm sure she's still reading all the replies although she's obviously in turmoil at the moment Keep posting - I'm sure it means the world to her that you all care
Sammy hope you don't mind me telling everyone you're ok (after a fashion) - I'll let you tell people yourself about what's happening when you're ready
Just thought everyone was probably worrying as much as I was

Uniscots97

MrsTine wrote: »

In case you're all worrying as much as me then just thought I'd let you know Sammy is ok - I'm sure she's still reading all the replies although she's obviously in turmoil at the moment Keep posting - I'm sure it means the world to her that you all care
Sammy hope you don't mind me telling everyone you're ok (after a fashion) - I'll let you tell people yourself about what's happening when you're ready
Just thought everyone was probably worrying as much as I was

Thanks for letting us know Tine, glad she's ok.

elona

Sammy

I know I was one of the people saying that you deserved better, but the only person who can decide if the relationship is salvageable is you.

From some of your previous posts it looks as if the give and take has been very one sided - you give and give - he takes and demands more.

Maybe his Mum can talk some sense into him, but he is supposed to be an adult and a father so how secure can you feel if he continually behaves like a spoilt child?

I really hope things get better for you as you and you family deserve it.

Big hug

caroline789

Thanks Tine.

Love and hugs of support being sent in Sammy's direction.

mouseymousey99

Hi Sammy - No advice as you have a shedload of it, lots of good stuff but it messes your head up. Just say I was married, rich chap, not happy, not well treated always all about money. Left him at 39, rented myself a flat etc, sat up the first night alone shaking what have I done blah blah...
Anyway cut to the chase - I met a fantastic chap, my soulmate, we argue, we have no money - who cares? First time in my life I love and I'm loved - beleive me its a world of difference - now 8 years on dont regret a second..
Good wishes
xxx

angelfairy

MrsTine wrote: »

In case you're all worrying as much as me then just thought I'd let you know Sammy is ok - I'm sure she's still reading all the replies although she's obviously in turmoil at the moment Keep posting - I'm sure it means the world to her that you all care
Sammy hope you don't mind me telling everyone you're ok (after a fashion) - I'll let you tell people yourself about what's happening when you're ready
Just thought everyone was probably worrying as much as I was

Thansk for letting us know. I was worried and hoped she was okay.

sammy_kaye18

afternoon all

quick update.

Ive had no contact from him at all today - his mum told me he was unusually quiet when she saw him last night and he didnt even mention me or our son at all last night. He hasnt made any effort at all today and to be honest i dont think he will. All his mother said he talked about last night was the fact he was going off cycling this afternoon with a mate of his. which to me has finally hit home that all he thinks about is himself and what he wants and he doesnt care about anything or anyone else.

So i am finally taking some well needed advice and am currently sat on a friend of mines webiste (who is an estate agent) looking at properties she has to rent - she also rents to my mother and sister too so knows the family and that we are reliable. My sister has said she has £300 in savings which she will gladly lend me if needed but she also has a number for a homelessness place which will help me with my bond and linda the landlord whos site im on has agreed to waver the bond and will look at getting it back through housing benefit if need be as long as i set up an agreement to pay her back a bit monthly.

Ive had enough why should i be with a man who can treat me like that?? if he really wants to talk then fine but im not sitting about for that phonecall and im sure as hell not going running to him because as far as im concerned it was him who ws in the wrong so i will not be the first one to apologise as to me that makes it look as though he was right for doing what he did. If he wants to talk then he can initiate it but im making all the plans for mine and my sons future as he apartently doesnt care much at all at this minute.

sorry fro the rant but wanted to update you all

Sam
x

floss2

:grouphug: Sam

I'm please to read you've made a decision and are taking steps to move on (literally!)

Love & best wishes to you,
Floss x

MissSaz

Thanks for the update Sam, I am pleased you are trying to be positive and move forward for your sons sakes as well as your own. You do deserve better.
Fingerscrossed for you :grouphug: xx