How do i get it through to him??

Soubrette

miserly_mum wrote: »

There is no denying how resourceful S-K is, but imagine how far she and her family could get in life if she had a partner who supported her in her efforts.

Maybe if her BF grew a set and started contributing financially to his family as we all know he should then maybe S-K wouldn't be scared to turn the heating on this winter.

I understand exactly what you are saying and also that you are saying it out of frustration and a desire to help.

However, another poster on a different thread hit the nail on the head. We don't know Sammy's circumstances (she may just like to vent occasionally) but if we assume she was in a situation where she would be better off without her partner - she must come to this decision on her own. If someone is in a position where their partner is controlling and manipulative, it is even more important that we support and empower, rather than try to control (even in the most well meaning way possible) them further.

Advice is good but neither I nor anyone else is in a position to make decisions for her, nor should we try and make her feel guilty for not taking our advice. Advice and support good, trying to force a decision, not so good. Worse, may even take away a valuable source of support that is not controlled by her partner. Not saying that Sammy is in that position of course, only she knows for sure.

Sou

basketcase

Good luck, Sammy, and I hope it works out for you and your DS. I hope if you're struggling you'll still feel you can come back to vent - and please keep us updated.

OTOH... There does have to come a time if it keeps on not working out when you break the cycle. I think that debt and relationships have a lot in common. In fact, debt IS a negative relationship with money, I think. We need a lightbulb moment with people as well as cash. :rolleyes:

I remember my own LBM. I'd been venting to a friend for about 3 weeks and all of a sudden I thought "I can't go on venting and letting it go on happening". My own personal logic (NOT applying this to you!!) was that I either needed to 'put up or shut up'. There were 3 scenarios in my case:
1) It was bad, but not bad enough to leave.
2) It was bad and I needed to do something about it - preferably with him on board, but laying plans if he decided not to join me
3) It was bad but, for some reason, I was enjoying it!:eek:

As I said, absolutely NOT saying this is where you are. Just that that's when I realised that something had to change in me and my outlook before I could tackle anything else.

The only alarm bell that rang in what you said wasn't that you wanted to give him a 'LAST last chance'. It was that your OH wasn't doing Part 2 because he didn't have the time to dedicate to it - NOT because (even if it was innocent and you actually had no cause to be upset) it was spoiling your relationship and he wanted to spend that time working on it with you.

Good luck, but be careful...

astonsmummy

Hi Sammy, I hope it all works out for you.
My head tend to agree that you are making a wrong decision, but as someone who has just taken an ex back who I had some really bad times with I cant really take the moral high ground.
It's easy for people on the outside to say 'you should do this' etc, but ultimately it is down to you.
Good luck xx