How do i get it through to him??

sammy_kaye18

Hi AllMy partner of 5 years is really pushing my buttons lately.Ok it started he was emailing a woman form work, hes a driver and i thought she was a secretary (came to find out she is actually a driver too).anyway they started emailing each other about a month ago, and have spoken nearly every night on the computer since, she only works with him 2 days a week. Anyway he says its because shes a nice girl and they have loads in common which hurt me alot becuase we have been together 5 years and now he seems to be more open with her and talk to her more than me.Anyway about 3 weeks ago he decided he wants to go on a photography course which he told me was an after noon course, ive since found out that the woman hes been emailing is going on the same course and its an evening course - well 4 - 8pm every week. My bf asked me if i honeslty had a problem with him going on the course with her to which i replied Yes. but he refused to listen to me so our relationship is getting strained.I know some people will say its trust issues but when i was pregnant with our son he left me and jsut disappeared off the face of the earth, noone knew wherehe was not even his own mother and i was 4 weekes pregnant, he didnt come back until i was 5 months gone and he has been wth me ever since. He does email other women ont he computer (mainly his ex becuase they have a child together and women in america who hes known since before we met) but i jut find this woman he works with bugging me and i cant get it out of my head. He jsut will nto listen.its to the point i feel like taking our son and not coming back because i dont think he will listen - ive tried talking to him and he says oh im being stupid, he loves me etc but then other days he calls me names , says im a stupid c*nt, im thick, i cant look after our son. Im incompetent etc and its so demoralising that i feel i have no self worth but i dont know if im brae enough to leave him. I look after his son and his step son on a weekend, i pay all the bills he contributes £200 towards the house and thats it.i jsut feel so low, i want to try and get it through to him one last time that ive really had enough and he needs to listen to me and take my feelings into account. I realyl cant get the idea of him and this woman out of my head, he tells me shes engaged with a child but to me that means nothign becuase my mum was married 17 years with two kids and still had an affairCan anyone please help me? Ive even had his mum try and get the message through to him that i feel like leaving. His response was 'oh i wish she'd go already, shes paranoid about me emailing @@@@@'. and his mum said be careful what you wish for or she'll walk, and he basically went 'yeah yeah ok then'

dipsy

Hi

sorry to hear your having such a hard time

how old is your child? do you work?

No one needs to put up with that kind of abuse from anyone, is the house/flat you live in rented/owned? your name or his?

What does he do with the rest of his wages if he is only giving you £200 towards bills etc?

No one can tell you what you should do, but however bad things are you can change your situation, hopefully people on here will be able to offer you some practical solutions.

x big hugs x

Sola

He calls you WHAT!??? I'd get rid of him pronto - no-one deserves to be treated like that. That's verbal abuse. See if there are any women's refuges in your area - you'll be well rid of him. And then you can make damn sure he pays decent maintenance for your shared son.

cobbingstones

oh sammy Im so sorry to hear that things havent become any better since your previous post about your relationship. I really think that you would be so much better without him, but its only you that can make this decision. He sounds rather demoralising and a total shItbag for giving you no respect. He may or may not be seeing this other person, I think that is only a small part of the whole problem here.

You and your son deserve so much better than this.

thinking of you.

MM

skylight

You are worth more. So is your child.

lynzpower

Hun ,
i remember not that long ago you were considering becomeing a single mum.

If he is calling you names ( regardless of any afair type stuff) I personally think its over.

Please be brave nad ask him to leave. neither of you seem to be happy together, why not try and see if you can be happier apart?

elisebutt65

Don't even think about leaving the family home!!!! Just chuck him out!!!!

Dear God - if anyone ever spoke to to me like that I'd have them through the front door so quick - Oh wait - I already did that - LOL

Seriously - Get rid!

End of!

sammy_kaye18

Yeah i do work part time - 11 hours a week currently but im not sure if it would have to stop if i left until i was on my feet. Also our son is 3 years old and due ot start school next week. We share a flat together and it is in both our names although i am classed as the main tenant - its also a council property. Also he gets paid about £800 - £900 a month, £200 of which goes to me, £200 on his debts although he hasnt paid these in like two months, £80 to his ex for maintenance for his other son, then hes left with abotu £300 - £400 which he seems to jsut squander away. Ive asked for extra money to help out withthe hosue but i never see it. He never buys anythign for his sons - i end up having to. Christmas and birthdays are down to me otherwise the boys would get nothing (they are 3 years old and 6 years old) and now im in debt but only £250 whereas he has about £15,000 (all in his name). I really do have very little self esteem or confidence which is why im questioning whether to go or not - i know i should leave but on days when hes nice he can be a really good bf and he is a good dad its jsut he has constant mood swings which are taken out on me even if its nothing to do with me and my feelings/opinions mean nothing to him at all. Think i will look for a womans refuge though

sammy_kaye18

Wow - there were loads of psots since i started replying sorry!! He has always called me names since about a year in and seems to think its funny but like i say if he is in a bad mood i get the silent treatment for soemtimes days at a time and it might not even be anything ive done, he moans because i cant afford to do the house up or buy new things when its me whos feeding, clothing and looking after the home in which he lives not to mention caring for his two sons. I would go and stay with my grandmother for a while and jsut get away for a bit but this week is so hectic - bens due to start school on wednesday, his meet and greet is tuesday and my sister is being taken in for a csection on thursday then my fahter is visiting on friday so this week will be the make or break week i think, its this thursday he wants to enroll in his course too.

lynzpower

Dont you dare leave the fl;at sammy, if youare the main tenant then you'll have to ask him to go.

Do you think he would be surprised? Shocked?

sammy_kaye18

Yeah i do think he'll be shocked, Ive left once before because he was treatign me like dirt and he rang em the next day asking i wanted him ot come and get me - truth be told id snuck back to the flat because i wasnt comfortable where i was staying. He didnt really say anythign just said 'dont do that again, i had images of me walking in and finding out you were upstairs with another guy' which should of said it all really - he wasnt bothered that id took my son and left him just that id gone without telling him where i was. I think he will be shocked though. I just dont know what to do - i want to tell him basically that if he does enroll in this course on thursday then he clearly doesnt respect or my wishes because i really dont want him to do it. ive gone along with every other stupid fad hes had and let him get away with too much for too long, i never ask him for anything except this one thing. Plus its not like he cant do exactly the same course after christmas when we are a bit more financially stable, ben is settled in school etc. But i really dont think ill be here that long