How do i get it through to him??

lynzpower

Do you think that this course is really the point?

I personally dont get that feeling. If he is not supportinfg you and ben properly ( doesnt seem to be) and slags off your parenting ( which I bet is bloody amazing) and calls you names and threatens you emotionally, and as per your previous thread is not affectionate to you at all, then I cant see what hes staying for. and i cant see why you would allow it hun xxx

squeaky

You can by all means try talking to him again, but you've done that before already and it doesn't seem to have changed a darn thing. Maybe if you make it very clear that this is the last straw and that you're drawing the line...

..let him know that if he goes on the course he should take all his belongings with him when he goes... including the step son.

If you decide you aren't going to change things and you want to break up...

..do not leave the family home. You're the main tenant and almost certainly have more rights to the place than he does.

Get advice, either from the CAB (which is free) or from a solicitor - most of whom give the first half hour free.

So, a tip:- write it all down clearly in list form, because a solicitor can read a whole lot faster than you can speak. Do it on a word processor so that it gets printed our neatly and clearly. Have a copy of your tenancy agreement with you too, and any other documents that you think may be of use - and again the CAB might be able to help you to prepare.

As for the financial side - it sounds as though he's probably costing you almost as much, if not more, than he's putting in - so your possible drop in income may not make much difference because your expenses will reduce.

CAB will also help advise you on any benefits that you will become entitled to should you become a single mum.

Emmzi

If you're only getting £200 a month off him, you can cope without him.

YOU DESERVE BETTER.

Rachie_B

lynzpower wrote: »

Do you think that this course is really the point?

I personally dont get that feeling. If he is not supportinfg you and ben properly ( doesnt seem to be) and slags off your parenting ( which I bet is bloody amazing) and calls you names and threatens you emotionally, and as per your previous thread is not affectionate to you at all, then I cant see what hes staying for. and i cant see why you would allow it hun xxx

i totally agree

sammy hun ,you DO deserve so much better ,for you and your child.

he doesnt respect you and calls you names ,treats you in all these horrible ways

only you can decide how much more you can take,and i hope its sooner rather than later .

what kind of a life are you currently leading with him ?! it sounds awful ((hugs))

sammy_kaye18

Hi All, Thanks for all the responses. Ive been sat thinkin gabout everything all day and i think i can now see that this is not the life i envisioned for me or my son. I want a life that is happy and (for the most) carefree not full of hassle and drama and stress. I took all of your advice. Ive actually been sat for a fair while writing down everything i want to say to him that i think needs saying no matter how hard its goign to be or upsetting i need to say it because before this relationship i was happy, independent and looked after myself. Now im quiet , withdrawn and for the most a hermit, the only people i see are my mum and sister and even that he doesnt like - its time to regain my life back i think. Lynz - No the course is pointless, hes had so many bright ideas and things hes wanted to do and ive never once stopped him or asked him not to do them but most of them he starts and never finishes and in the long run it jsut gets us into more financial trouble.Right ive written everyhtign down, im sat here in tears now abotu thinking how im going to tell him. I dont know what im going to do. Everything seems so hard now but i guess this is the hardest part that i have to get past and then who knows what will happen.

lynzpower

good luckc sammy you know we will all be thinking of you.

You are a strong woman, you can do whatever you need, and we will always be here for you you know that xx

Shineyhappy

If you are worried about asking him to leave, why not invite a friend or family member to wait in another room?

When the name calling starts it is the begining of the end unless you both try ever so hard to fix things and it doesnt sound like thats what either of you want.

It is very worrying he doesnt like you seeing people, he sounds like a total bully to me!

Good luck!

honeypop

Sammy, if we know anything about you from reading your posts on MSE it's that you are a resourceful and strong woman when it comes to making sure you and Ben are ok, I think you will cope just fine on your own. You probably know deep down that you will both be better off if you split with your OH, the hardest part is making it happen and dealing with his reaction.

I understand completely when you say he doesn't like you going out and you feel you have lost your life since being with him, I've been there, but once I got the courage to split with my ex I became that person again who I was before and got so much confidence back. The old Sammy is in there, just waiting to be let out!!

Please let us know how it goes, good luck and don't let his reaction stop you from saying everything you want to put across to him. If he won't even hear you out, there's your answer right there.

Rachie_B

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

Hi All, Thanks for all the responses. Ive been sat thinkin gabout everything all day and i think i can now see that this is not the life i envisioned for me or my son. I want a life that is happy and (for the most) carefree not full of hassle and drama and stress. I took all of your advice. Ive actually been sat for a fair while writing down everything i want to say to him that i think needs saying no matter how hard its goign to be or upsetting i need to say it because before this relationship i was happy, independent and looked after myself. Now im quiet , withdrawn and for the most a hermit, the only people i see are my mum and sister and even that he doesnt like - its time to regain my life back i think. Lynz - No the course is pointless, hes had so many bright ideas and things hes wanted to do and ive never once stopped him or asked him not to do them but most of them he starts and never finishes and in the long run it jsut gets us into more financial trouble.Right ive written everyhtign down, im sat here in tears now abotu thinking how im going to tell him. I dont know what im going to do. Everything seems so hard now but i guess this is the hardest part that i have to get past and then who knows what will happen.

what a hypocrite he really is ! :mad:

so its fine for him to go off and spend time with other women? etc and go AWOl but he doesnt even like you seeing your family?! :eek: :mad: :rolleyes:

good luck telling him and wish you all the best for your new start & future

xx

sharronloves2spend

Sammy, so sorry to hear about your situation, but for the sake of your son please leave him. What sort of role model is he to your son calling his mum names like that. You do not want your son to grow up thinking its okay to treat women this way, or worse that he can treat his mum the way dad does . It sound as though he has lots of problems and usually the person doing the name calling is the person with low self esteem. They have to belittle others to make themselves feel adequate. I'll bet he's critising your parent skills cos he's such a s@@t dad himself. A lot of this reminds me of my mums situation with my step dad, she's still with him 20 years on and he's ground her down she feels as though she is useless. Please do not let this happen to you, be brave and think of the bigger picture and yours and Ben's happiness. Lots of Love Sharron