How do i get it through to him??

lynzpower

Is there anyone else that could look after Ben tomorrow, if it came to it?

moosetastic

ive just seen this thread for the first time and i hope everything goes ok for you. just a thought, could the council rehouse you instead?

roxy7699

hi sammy,
pls dont fret over what his reaction will be to the extent that you dont go through with it. For your own sanity you dont need him around, you are strong enough and you will realise that when its done. He'll probably try to come back consistantly for a while, but stand your ground.

I would ask the council to move you and explain the circumstances to them, leaving your home may not be so good in the long run, you dont need to walk out of your own home because of him. Use this as a stepping stone to get you out of an area that you dont like and give yourself a chance to have positive people around you. Those that dont belittle you.

Ive been where you are, its not easy and I nearly went back so many times be strong.

Thinking of you. It may help to have someone else there, can someone else take your son for the night / tomoz to put your mind at rest?

pinkshoes

just wanted to wish you good luck. No one should be treated the way he treats you, and you deserve SO much better!

Hope it all goes well for you!

x

Savvy_Sue

If you do leave the tenancy, make sure that you give notice in writing that you're doing so. You might want to talk to your Housing Officer now and get some advice. You said you were the main tenant but that both names were on the tenancy agreement: I don't know how such things work any more but if he's not actually a tenant then I don't think the council have to let him keep the tenancy, and since he won't have any children living with him they might not want him to stay.

But more importantly, if you don't get your name OFF the tenancy agreement, you'll be liable for any arrears he runs up, even if you're no longer living there.

Merlot

May I ask a question about Council house tenancy, my sister who has been married for 13 years recently told her gambling/cheating/alcoholic of a husband that she wanted him to move out of the family home, however he refused and the verbal abuse started, my sister couldn't handle this and moved in with my parents with her two young children.

She has seen solicitor who in my opinion is quite frankly useless and has spoken to the housing officer, apparently according to the council she made herself homeless and cannot be re-housed by the council, the council has said who ever gets custody of the children will get to keep the house, is this right?It could take years to get this sorted. She really didn't have a choice but to move, he used to lock her in the house and my mother would have to pass milk threw the window cause he had gone out on a bender and left her in a locked house with no money, and recently he went naked and drunk into his DD (6) bedroom where my sister was also sleeping, shouting at 1.00am you are a !!!!!!, and other things I couldn't possibly repeat, it just seems unfair that she cannot be re-housed but couldn't stay at her home due to her OH.

I think I should tell you that she didn't tell the solicitor anything about the above cause she doesn't want to get nasty:mad: .

I would appreciate your advice. Sorry to hijack your thread but many people on this thread seem to know what they are talking about regarding housing.

Merlot

lynzpower

Merlot wrote: »

May I ask a question about Council house tenancy, my sister who has been married for 13 years recently told her gambling/cheating/alcoholic of a husband that she wanted him to move out of the family home, however he refused and the verbal abuse started, my sister couldn't handle this and moved in with my parents with her two young children.

She has seen solicitor who in my opinion is quite frankly useless and has spoken to the housing officer, apparently according to the council she made herself homeless and cannot be re-housed by the council, the council has said who ever gets custody of the children will get to keep the house, is this right?It could take years to get this sorted. She really didn't have a choice but to move, he used to lock her in the house and my mother would have to pass milk threw the window cause he had gone out on a bender and left her in a locked house with no money, and recently he went naked and drunk into his DD (6) bedroom where my sister was also sleeping, shouting at 1.00am you are a !!!!!!, and other things I couldn't possibly repeat, it just seems unfair that she cannot be re-housed but couldn't stay at her home due to her OH.

I think I should tell you that she didn't tell the solicitor anything about the above cause she doesn't want to get nasty:mad: .

I would appreciate your advice. Sorry to hijack your thread but many people on this thread seem to know what they are talking about regarding housing.

Merlot

Merlot.

Absolutely not.

The housing officer is simply "gatekeeping" by the sounds of it. I dealt with many situations like this as a socail worker, and this is very much "normal" in terms of trying to restrict the housing supply. However, it is not legal.

Your sister is a victim of domestic abuse, and it is not reasonable for her to continue to occupy. This is a little advertised part of the Homelessness regualtions. HOwever, if she has gone now, I cant see that she would have any recourse - unless her name remains on the tenancy. If it DOES remain on the tenancy - then:

I recommend ( if she is temporarily housed)
a) she lets the polices domestic violence team know ( even if she doesnt want them to take action, just having this on record is important)
b) she presents in person to the housing and HOMELESSNESS team ( sometimes they are split, make sure she goes to the one dealing with homelessness) She must go there, explain fully her situation and state IT IS NOT REASONBLE FOR HER TO CONTINUE TO OCCUPY GIVEN SHE IS A VICTIM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. She has a legal right to an ASSESSMENT OF CURRENT NEED. However, as she now has a home to live in ( i take it? Or is she temporarily housed?) I recommend that she also calls shelter and asks for a caseworker. ( again, only if she is temporarily housed) Again, once shelter get involved, housing departments tend to act more legally, as they know they cannot get away with what they are doing :mad:
c) the housing department SHOULD get social services involved. Do not worry about this, but get your sister to try and get the best out of social services. She wants the children to be safe and well caered for I take it, and obviously dads behaviour jeapordises this. Not being funny, but just having social services "sniffing round" can have the desired effect of sending the nightmare parent packing. Social services can and should be making sure the childrens needs are met. If this involves working with th epolice to get the locks changed then this is one thing they can do, along with supporting your sis to get kids to school/ appointments if mum is unable to leave the house.


Where are the children now?

Feel free to PM me, if you want more specialist advice

Hope you are OK sammy xx

iceicebaby

Sammy hun are you ok ??

Any update ?

Keep us informed even if it just to say you're ok

((hugs))

Ellidee

Thinking of you Sammy and hope you are OK. Keep strong. xx

Savvy_Sue

Merlot, lynzpower knows her stuff, follow her advice. Your sister should not worry if her ex - I hope she thinks of him that way! - never hit her, it's domestic abuse and the council have certain responsibilities in such situations which don't apply if it's just a 'normal' breakdown of relationship.