How do i get it through to him??

Dead_Eye_Jones

Ya post makes it sound like this guy just isnt really into you. Talk to him. I think when someone is really into the relationship then they will show in many little ways. Respect for you would be automatic, they'd want to spend time with you, they'd enjoy sharing things with you, etc.

Its hard to judge off a short email and only you can really answer this, but do you think he really cares about you or is just sticking in the relationship cos its easy? Talk to him, tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. Does he argue and deny it or does he say he didnt realise and will try to make it up to you? Will he act on it or is just chat? At some point you have to face up to the fact that this guy might just not really be into this relationship.

Best of luck.

(ps. no offence meant but paragraphs would help us and others to read ya post )

Spirit_2

Only you can decide on what you want but like so many on here I am going to voice my concerns for your wellbeing. His behaviour is not good enough, he is a bully.

You have told us that he is abusive to you and treats you as a baby sitter for his other children. Ask yourself; what does the future for you and your little boy look like with him?

Thinking about being on your own may also be daunting, but not as damaging and hurtful as being called names and made to feel worthless. You have a lot of responsibility and seem to manage well, I am not surprised his Mum is supportive of you - she can probably see that he is relying on you for stability.

If they do not already know, talk to your family and friends, ask for their support. No one would blame you for telling him to go. You might want to consider if it is time you stopped propping him up and spent the energy on making a home for you and your little boy without him. Go on, seize back your life.

Keep posting, we will keep encouraging you.

Take care

fsdss

its not very often that i suggest that someone should leave HOWEVER, you are in an abusive relationship for which you are the victim.

i strongly suggest that you look at the following website for what benefits you are entitled to

https://www.entitledto.co.uk

and https://www.womansaid.org.uk

for any futher information and contacts. this organisation will help you plan your exit from the relationship.

sorry but your partner sounds like a to$$er. giving you £200pm for the family:mad:, calling you disgusting names :mad:and cohersing with slappers from work.

YOU DESERVE BETTER

libra10

He isn't doing you any favours Sammy, it doesn't sound like he loves or respects you. He's just using you.

You're a strong, independent woman, throw out the loser.

Wishing you best wishes and good luck for the future

Errata

Sammy, domestic violence doesn't have to be physical, emotional abuse is classed as DV as well. You might find it helpful to talk to someone at your local Domestic Violence unit, I'm afraid yours will be a very familiar story to them and they'll be able to offer you help, support and information. Stay in your house and get him out, he's probably eating his way through most of his £50 each week anyway so the money won't be much of a loss. Hope this helps and very best wishes.

sammy_kaye18

Hi everyone - firstly my paragraphs dont work so im sorry i have tried mending it but its not working. I sat down last night and wrote out what i felt and how i felt about everything. In honestly it started out as a letter of 'please dont do the course with that woman' but when i was in work last night i sat really thinking and theres nothing in this relationship anymore so it changed to a 'i think our relationship really is over' letter. Whether he'll pay attention or not will be the next deciding thing but im determined to get it through to him.......................(paragraph).................................. Anyway its done now - it sounds weird but i do love the man, hes the father of my child so i guess i always will but im not sure im in love with him anymore. We seem to just be two friends/people who live together who share a child which is actually the last lien on my letter/list thingy i made to get my point across...............(paragraph)...................Like ive said im sitting here now figuring oiut approximately how much benefits ill get so i know me and ben will be ok once they are all doen and sorted, ive got the number for a letting agent who happens to be a friend of my mother and she agreed to waver the bond on a house, ive spoken to my mother and shes said we will all rally round if needed between my belongings, my mum, my sister, my auntie and friends i think i practically have a house put together already......................(paragraph).........................Its kind of scary, im not sure how hes going to take it, adn im kind of nervous, ive never been by myself before with our son but my mum raised me and my sister as a single parent for the last 8 years, and my younger sister raised her daughter by herself after leaving an abusive relationship where the father had nothing at all to do with his child so if they can do it why the hell cant i.......................(paragraph).............................HONEYPOP - thansk for the nice comments. I really do try and make my house a home for my son, i love him to bits and hes my world so i dont want him to have a life liek this, i want him to be happy. I grew up in a house of lies and deceit and i liek to feel it made me a stronger person and from the age of about 15 i have been independent and part of me is thrilled that ill have that back. i love being strong enough and proud enough to say yes ive raised my son by myself (which i practically have as bf does bu@@er all with him) and i have been his sole provider since i was pregnant and bf left me then

lynzpower

Sammy, from what you are saying here

.Like ive said im sitting here now figuring oiut approximately how much benefits ill get so i know me and ben will be ok once they are all doen and sorted, ive got the number for a letting agent who happens to be a friend of my mother and she agreed to waver the bond on a house, ive spoken to my mother and shes said we will all rally round if needed between my belongings, my mum, my sister, my auntie and friends i think i practically have a house put together already......................(

does this mean YOU are goig to leave the flat?

I only ask this as if its a council property, you have a very secure tenancy, providing you behave yourself there , which Im sure you do, you can live there for life. If you leave it, you may not get another council property again. As you have given up your rights to council property ( possibly).

If you are on housing benefit ( or will be in time0 then this will be much more easy to administrate if you dont move. if you do move it COULD cause a lot less hassle.

this is your and bens home, I know how hard you have worked to make it your home, are you certain you want to move out and not for him to move out?

I recommend he moves out, on a moneysaving tip, it would be much better for you to stay put.

However, if this is not what you want then we will all support you no matter what.

All the best honeypie
Lynz
x

paddy's_mum

Like others in this thread, I am also sorry that you are hurting. However, what I cannot get my head around is just why he would bite the hand that is providing so much. Maybe he wants to push you so far that you leave and then he is free of encumbrance and can chase all the skirts he wishes while leaving himself able to say that you broke up the relationship. In my book, that makes him a coward as well as a bully.

Bet you any money you like that he doesn't like you seeing your mum and your sister because he knows they don't like him and the poor way in which he treats you and he fears their (good) influence on you.

Hang in there sammy and one day look back and think of what Nancy Reagan once said - women are like teabags. You never know how strong they are going to be until you put them in hot water.

bright_side

Make an appointment with a solicitor sweetie, you shouldn't have to pay for it. They will tell you exactly where you stand regarding your home and will also send him a letter telling him you want him to leave. Hopefully then they'll be no doubt in his mind that you are serious. Stay strong, you CAN do this. Yes it may be hard, but the feelings of pride and self worth you will regain when you take control of your life are totally amazing.

Big love and hugs xxx

LindseyM

Hi Sammy,

I've just found this thread and I just wanted to say good luck!!! I was in the exact same position near three years ago and when I left with my DS, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. My ex had ground down my confidence so much I didn't think I'd ever be able to cope - but here I am 3 years later, the happiest I've ever been, I have a new partner and I just wish I had done it sooner tbh.

Lots of love an hugs and keep us updated

Linds

p.s. I agree with lynz (and not just because of the namesake ), don't leave your home, throw that nasty !!!!!! out!!