How do i get it through to him??

1sttimer_2

Well done Sammy :beer: You certainly took the bull by the horns and faced all your issues and brought them out into the open by discussing them with your OH.

So glad that you seem to be going in the right direction. Sure things are not going to be smooth as glass at least straight away, but it seems a lot more level than before. There may be more hills to climb, but it seems you've got the guts to climb mountains!

Long may your courage keep you going for your son, yourself and your relationship.

Squiggly_Diddly

Good for you Sammy, glad you are ok and well done for being honest with him. Just keep an eye on the situation & don't let it slide if you can - if he starts the name calling etc, just gently remind him about the conversation you had....

iceicebaby

Well done on being so positive Sammy

((hugs))

sammy_kaye18

Hi all

Jsut wanted to update this with a note.

I found out today that my boyfriend has been lying to me since september last year.

The course he went on was with the other woman. he told me they had taken seperate courses,were on different days etc and he barely spoke to her or about her after that.

This morning i asked him to emal me a picture that he'd had on his camera and as he was uploading it i saw a picture of a young ish woman (mid 20s) and jokingly siad 'stop taking pictures of young girls' and he said 'sorry but she was on my course and it is part of a project' so i left it. Then it began nagging me so i text him (he was in work by then) and asked 'was the young girl he had a picture of @@@@@?' and he answered 'Yes'. he said if id have known she was on the course i would have given him grief every week - so he clearly doesnt know me as ok i would have found it difficult but its a 40 week course and i would have gotten use to the idea (besides thats the night Heros is on) but i feel absolutely devastated at the fact that hes been lying to me for the last 8 months. I dont know what to do - my head is totally confused and im going through all the emotions at the minute. He text me again later after a few exchanged texts saying 'i see where your coming from but i havent slept with her - i would never and will never'. to which my response was 'but you f---ing lied to me? do you know how much that hurts? I didnt doubt that you hadnt but how do i know your not lying now?'

Oh god i dont know what to do - hes at work now, ive turned my house phone off but have my mobile on silent. i just want to lock myself away and be left alone. I have other 'issues' that i have been suffering with for years and im trying to be so good and control myself but this is triggering me majorly now.

sammy_kaye18

thanks karen

I just dont know what to do today? he just text me saying 'well us getting along didnt last long then' to which ive replied 'no it didnt.Dont text me.Your the last person i want to talk to at the minute'.

I just have no idea what to do - i don think he would cheat but if he can lie and hide things from me whos to say he wouldnt.

Ive unplugged my hosue phone too - if i left it to ring knowing my luck my 4 year old would pick it up! wich kind of defies the point a bit

mrcow

Okay, so he's broken that promise.


What about all the other promises he's made?

Is he paying you the extra money?
Has he paid off the catalogue money?
Have you enrolled on the course you wanted?
Has he stopped the verbal abuse?
Is he helping around the house?

Just trying to work out here if things have changed for the better or if the whole episode last September was a sham?

With regards to the woman at work.....am I right in thinking this course is still ongoing?

sammy_kaye18

mrcow wrote: »

Okay, so he's broken that promise.


What about all the other promises he's made?

Is he paying you the extra money?
Has he paid off the catalogue money?
Have you enrolled on the course you wanted?
Has he stopped the verbal abuse?
Is he helping around the house?

Just trying to work out here if things have changed for the better or if the whole episode last September was a sham?

With regards to the woman at work.....am I right in thinking this course is still ongoing?

Yes he pays me extra money
No he didnt pay off the catalogue bill but keep ssaying eh will
No i didnt get to do my course as it wasnt available in the area
Yes we do still mess about and call each other names but nothign near as bad as it was
No he doesnt help around the house - his excuse is he works all day - he does put his sons to bed etc though and spends time with them more. Hes also making more time with the dog now.

The course is still going on but he reckons he did nowt wrong and that i need to grow up and ill see that but in my eyes lying is completely not acceptable and i jsut told him this and hes text back saying ' because your not mature enough to let me do an evening course with a woman. plus if i had told you we may not be together now because Iwould get bored very quickly of yoru BS'.

and im jsut about to text him saying, 'yeah well that worked out well didnt it? because now im sat here wondering if i can actually be with some one who can lie to me so easily'.

perfectlypoor

Hi there, just wanted to say I know how bad you must feel and in my honest opinion I would really consider packing his bags and ring him to tell him. He has told you a massive lie and why on earth would he have her photo out of everyone else on the course. It will be really tough but you need to show him how serious you. Can you check his e mails, phone bill etc can you find out anything about this woman? Try to arm yourself with as much info as you can get.Good luck x

CB1979_2

karenw wrote: »

If you ask me most men would cheat given the chance :mad: i don't really know what to say my advice is leave him (easier said than done i know) but the more you ask him questions the more he will lie and not only that you will push him away men like to play silly mind games with women esp when they know we are head over heals :rolleyes:

I've had it up to here with men and there lies that is why for the foreseeable future i'm staying single!

great, after a week or so of reasoned debates between men & women, another "slightly" biased opinion comes out.

!!!!!! you got cheated on doesn't mean ALL men do it.

anyway OP - yes you got lied to, but it's quite minor in the grand scheme of things, he could've done a lot worse, granted if he's been shagging this bird for the last 8 months (and he could well have been NOT saying he HAS though) then is bad.

he's just been a bit of !!!!!! by lying, then witholding information about who he has been with on a course.

would it have been better if it wasn't this girl but instead he had met up with one/several other girls on his course?

you obviously have issues, discuss it with him and then re-evaluate YOUR position, don't go listening to broken old spinsters just cos they've been betrayed in the past "yeah dump him, get out, blah blah blah" not constructive and they don't know YOUR situation fully.

mrcow

sammy_kaye18 wrote: »

The course is still going on but he reckons he did nowt wrong and that i need to grow up and ill see that but in my eyes lying is completely not acceptable and i jsut told him this and hes text back saying ' because your not mature enough to let me do an evening course with a woman.

This is not just any woman.

This is a woman that you already had issues about before the course even started and who you have subsequently found photos of on his phone!

I have worked with many many different men in my time and I have neve had to take photos of any of them for any reason whatsoever.

You are not being immature.

He is being deceitful and in a classic cheating style...........is trying to turn it around on you to make you look like a paranoid useless woman.....it's textbook. Even if you take some time to read some of the other threads here about cheating partners, you'll find that 9/10 times, this is the stance that the cheating party takes.

I think if you did a straw poll, about 90% of people who read this thread would not be surprised if in two weeks time you posted and said that you'd found out that he was sleeping with this woman. If he hasn't done so already, then it's certainly not because it's down to his own fidelity.

What do you know about this woman?