Can men and women be friends?

hazyjo

Haven't read all the replies...


but, I have very strong views on this lol.


YES... but... at least one fancies the other, or there is some sort of history between the two of you.


Jx

lazer

I am good friends with a man.


We have been friends since uni days - and I did fancy him at the start, but over the years, the attraction disappeared, I still think he is very good looking, but just don't find him attractive. I think he may have been attracted to me at different times too but nothing ever happened.


I regularly meet up with him for a few drinks, go to the cinema etc, sometimes on my own, sometimes with my husband and sometimes with other friends.


My husband knows I used to fancy him and I am not sure if he realises I don't anymore, but he trusts me completely anyway.


However, when my male friend had a girlfriend, she originally hated him spending time with me, but after she had met me a few times in group settings, she warmed to me, as she knew it was completely platonic.

Bogof_Babe

The question the OP should ask herself is, if a cinema trip was arranged with this bloke, and at the last minute he said "you don't mind if my girlfriend comes along, do you?", how would she feel? A genuine "just a friend" wouldn't mind in the least, and would enjoy meeting someone new. If she feels at all possessive about him then more warning bells...

heartbreak_star

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

The question the OP should ask herself is, if a cinema trip was arranged with this bloke, and at the last minute he said "you don't mind if my girlfriend comes along, do you?", how would she feel? A genuine "just a friend" wouldn't mind in the least, and would enjoy meeting someone new. If she feels at all possessive about him then more warning bells...

Not necessarily - I'd be miffed in that scenario because I'd feel like a spare part on a date rather than a person seeing a film with a pal.

(putting a different perspective on it )

HBS x

74jax

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Not necessarily - I'd be miffed in that scenario because I'd feel like a spare part on a date rather than a person seeing a film with a pal.

(putting a different perspective on it )

HBS x

I agree HBS, I would feel that way too.


Maybe a 'better' way for putting it would be 'my GF really fancies that film, why don't we make it a double date'.


I'd still be miffed at that too if I'd arranged a particular night with a friend, but it might be more 'realistic' to say that?

piglet74

Maybe a better question for the op to ask herself would be, how would she feel if her husband was to go out, so she invited her new friend around for the aforementioned DVD night, and then at the last minute husbands plans are cancelled, and he joins them....

How would you feel then op, would three be a crowd?

Chlorine7

This is an immature question. Of course they can be friends. I have plenty good friends that are male and I actually made friends with a guy this weekend at a wedding. No attraction what-so-ever, we just bonded over the fact that we are both super geeks. Only a few girlfriends have ever had a problem with me and it was their jealousy issues not a 'me' issue.

Bogof_Babe

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Not necessarily - I'd be miffed in that scenario because I'd feel like a spare part on a date rather than a person seeing a film with a pal.

(putting a different perspective on it )

HBS x

Well it doesn't bother me if I arrange to meet my sister and one of her female friends tags along. The more the merrier .

So is it the fact that there's a bloke involved, making the mix of male-female unequal?

Lambyr

Personally I do believe men and women can be friends. I do believe that even if there is some level of attraction men and women can remain just friends. I say this from personal experience.

However I don't believe men and women can be just friends when there is both a level of attraction and a desire to conduct this "friendship" absent of one party's OH. If it was a friendship it wouldn't matter whether the OPs husband was present but that she's trying to keep him away suggests that she is either hoping something happens with her friend, or she doesn't trust herself not to make it obvious to her husband that she fancies this other guy.

heartbreak_star

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Well it doesn't bother me if I arrange to meet my sister and one of her female friends tags along. The more the merrier .

So is it the fact that there's a bloke involved, making the mix of male-female unequal?

No, it's the fact it would then be "a couple" + me, not "a group of friends". (Exception is if I knew and was friendly with said girlfriend, which has also happened!)

Bring a friend of whatever gender along? Fine. Bring a few whatever-gender friends along? Also fine.

Bring your partner, who I don't know/doesn't like our friendship and you will mush on with? I'll feel awkward.

Hope that clarifies a bit

HBS x