Can men and women be friends?

SandC

Perfectly possible to have friendships but you sound like you're trying to force the issue 'i want a male friend and I think I've found the right candidate at work'.

You also mentioned you wouldn't want it to feel awkward at work... a friendship with male colleague would feel no more awkward than a friendship with a female colleague. It should be a natural thing you just fall into, not something you put into a category leading to fulfilling x part of your life that's missing.

If you wanna go the cinema then bloody go on your own!

piglet74

catmiaow wrote: »

No I am sure he just sees me as a friend and there is no attraction. As for my hubby, there is no lies he knows everything. No lies, no cheating.

Just having your friend, who is just your type and who you are attracted to around to watch DVDs when your husband is not home then?

zippychick

it is possible to be attracted to someone and not act on that you know.... What do people do? Avoid all attractive people????

My best friend is male, we met when we were both single. I'm now engaged and he has a long term partner too. Our other halfs get on well and we all get on great as a group. I spend a lot of time with him on my own as I am an individual and need space and time with my friends. there's nothing sinister in it. We have once slept in the same bed. I can't imagine him not being in my life or not being allowed to spend time with him alone.! No ulterior motives.!

Bogof_Babe

zippychick wrote: »

it is possible to be attracted to someone and not act on that you know.... What do people do? Avoid all attractive people????

My best friend is male, we met when we were both single. I'm now engaged and he has a long term partner too. Our other halfs get on well and we all get on great as a group. I spend a lot of time with him on my own as I am an individual and need space and time with my friends. there's nothing sinister in it. We have once slept in the same bed. I can't imagine him not being in my life or not being allowed to spend time with him alone.! No ulterior motives.!

Does your other half know you once shared a bed with this guy?

zippychick

yeah! we slept that was it.

Pollycat

zippychick wrote: »

it is possible to be attracted to someone and not act on that you know.... What do people do? Avoid all attractive people????

My best friend is male, we met when we were both single. I'm now engaged and he has a long term partner too. Our other halfs get on well and we all get on great as a group. I spend a lot of time with him on my own as I am an individual and need space and time with my friends. there's nothing sinister in it. We have once slept in the same bed. I can't imagine him not being in my life or not being allowed to spend time with him alone.! No ulterior motives.!

Well, that's it then.

I suggest the OP takes the advice of this poster ^^^ - because it's clearly the only advice she wants to hear.

Stevie_Palimo

I have both male and female friends and my OH is fine about it and she has a couple of male friends to that she says are like brothers, I believe it is about trust and at the end of the day we both trust each other 110%.

In the OP's situation I think it is going to end drastically wrong here with the so called friend and her ending up in bed very soon should this progress to day's/night's out, I say this due to your wording and phrasing of things in this thread and can see only one word :- D I V O R C E on the horizon that is unless your husband is maybe a secret swinger.

74jax

zippychick wrote: »

it is possible to be attracted to someone and not act on that you know.... What do people do? Avoid all attractive people????

My best friend is male, we met when we were both single. I'm now engaged and he has a long term partner too. Our other halfs get on well and we all get on great as a group. I spend a lot of time with him on my own as I am an individual and need space and time with my friends. there's nothing sinister in it. We have once slept in the same bed. I can't imagine him not being in my life or not being allowed to spend time with him alone.! No ulterior motives.!

Have you read the OP? She doesn't want the husband around, want the friend to come round and the husband to go out. Doesn't want the husband to be in their conversation and not be in the room when they are sharing secrets.


What you describe is exactly the same as myself, if you read my posts on this thread.


What the op is suggesting is NOT what you and I are doing.

piglet74

I think the op is either very young, or just has a very immature idea of friends \ best friends etc, if anyone can recall her post on "best friends new friend"

Maybe op is trying to replace her old best friend, maybe she wants a new best friend, but whatever it is, it's a road to Splitsville for op and husband.

Am I the only one who doesn't believe that she told hubby this guy is her type, she has the hots for him, and hubby is still ok with them going out to the cinema together?

heartbreak_star

I get on better with men than women - always have, as I've always had traditionally male hobbies. Therefore I've always had a lot of male friends, and any partner I have needs to accept that.

Two of my closest friends are male. One is my first ever boyfriend from 23 years ago - he's like my brother now - and the other is someone who I affectionately call my "evil twin".

I don't often see the former as he lives a fair way away, but regularly meet up with the latter for a pint and a few games of pool. We've been friends for six years and have been mistaken for a couple three times...and actual siblings more than a dozen times.

This one's probably going to kick up a bit of a stink though.

Interestingly, I also have a good male friend I met much more recently, and the immediate attraction was apparently painfully obvious. However, we admitted it, talked about it, got past it (we're both grown-ups, and taken, therefore chose not to act on it) and now have an excellent friendship. I think if we were single something would happen - but not a full relationship. (And yes, we've been out on the lash together and nothing happened!)

So absolutely - men and women can be friends. OH has plenty of female friends, and sometimes I do worry because I hate myself and think his friends are prettier than me, but I squash the worry because it's just me being daft

HBS x