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Can men and women be friends?

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catmiaow
catmiaow Posts: 5,954 Forumite
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in Marriage, relationships & families
In my past experience I haven't been able to have a friendship with a straight male, it usually ends with them cutting me off because I have a partner or trying to take things further.

I have had some long term friendships with gay men, but can you have them with straight men?

I met a guy at work who I find attractive (he doesn't know this) and we have sort of started a friendship, but i am a bit worried about continuing as I don't want things to get awkward at work.

What do others think?
No you're not a vegetarian if you eat any animal or fish, so do not insult genuine veggies by calling yourself one! :mad:

Thanks to everyone who posts competitions. You are the stars of the board :T:j:T
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  • DUTR
    DUTR Posts: 12,958 Forumite
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    It's not one cap fits all, I have some female friends, some I've slept with some I'd like to , some with me I suspect, some nowt will ever happen on a mutual understanding.
    Why do feel the need to have more male friends if you have a chap?
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,205 Forumite
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    DUTR wrote: »
    Why do feel the need to have more male friends if you have a chap?

    Because friendship and sexual relationships are different, and why on earth would you want to exclude 50% of the population as potential friends?

    OP,I would say that men and women can be, and often are, friends.

    However, in relation to your coworker, the fact that you find him attractive may well skew things - if you are attracted to someone and let them see it then it's not particularly surprising if they then become interested in moving from friendship to a relationship.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • catmiaow
    catmiaow Posts: 5,954 Forumite
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    I like male friendships, watching dvds together, having a laugh. I tend to get on better with men as well. My husband and female friends don't like doing a lot of things that I would like, so that is where the male friendships come in.
    No you're not a vegetarian if you eat any animal or fish, so do not insult genuine veggies by calling yourself one! :mad:

    Thanks to everyone who posts competitions. You are the stars of the board :T:j:T
  • catmiaow
    catmiaow Posts: 5,954 Forumite
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    TBagpuss wrote: »
    Because friendship and sexual relationships are different, and why on earth would you want to exclude 50% of the population as potential friends?

    OP,I would say that men and women can be, and often are, friends.

    However, in relation to your coworker, the fact that you find him attractive may well skew things - if you are attracted to someone and let them see it then it's not particularly surprising if they then become interested in moving from friendship to a relationship.

    I have been quite good at hiding it (I think). My best friends know and that is it. We have similar interests and I like him as a person, I don't know if he finds me attractive and best to not know.
    No you're not a vegetarian if you eat any animal or fish, so do not insult genuine veggies by calling yourself one! :mad:

    Thanks to everyone who posts competitions. You are the stars of the board :T:j:T
  • *max*
    *max* Posts: 3,208 Forumite
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    catmiaow wrote: »
    In my past experience I haven't been able to have a friendship with a straight male, it usually ends with them cutting me off because I have a partner or trying to take things further.

    I have had some long term friendships with gay men, but can you have them with straight men?

    I met a guy at work who I find attractive (he doesn't know this) and we have sort of started a friendship, but i am a bit worried about continuing as I don't want things to get awkward at work.

    What do others think?

    There lies your problem. It's not a friendship if the first thing you mention about them is that you find them attractive. It's a crush.

    When describing my friends, it wouldn't even occur to me to mention what they look like/if I find them attractive, because in a friendship, it's irrelevant. I would say how kind, generous, funny, smart...they are. Never whether they are attractive or not, because it does not matter.
  • catmiaow
    catmiaow Posts: 5,954 Forumite
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    *max* wrote: »
    There lies your problem. It's not a friendship if the first thing you mention about them is that you find them attractive. It's a crush.

    When describing my friends, it wouldn't even occur to me to mention what they look like/if I find them attractive, because in a friendship, it's irrelevant. I would say how kind, generous, funny, smart...they are. Never whether they are attractive or not, because it does not matter.

    I know, but it isn't an issue as we get on very well and I like his company. Not sure if it will get to the watching dvds together stage for a while.Hubby okay with me being friends with men as he trusts me.
    No you're not a vegetarian if you eat any animal or fish, so do not insult genuine veggies by calling yourself one! :mad:

    Thanks to everyone who posts competitions. You are the stars of the board :T:j:T
  • System
    System Posts: 178,106 Community Admin
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    I think it depends on whether there is any sexual attraction between them. If there is, i think desire will always get in the way.

    If there isnt then it wont matter what you do or say because nothing is going to develop further than friendship.
  • catmiaow
    catmiaow Posts: 5,954 Forumite
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    Judi wrote: »
    I think it depends on whether there is any sexual attraction between them. If there is, i think desire will always get in the way.

    If there isnt then it wont matter what you do or say because nothing is going to develop further than friendship.


    Well I don't know about his end and he knows I am married so he would never say anything anyway. I certainly won't be bringing up things my end, I just want a friendship.
    No you're not a vegetarian if you eat any animal or fish, so do not insult genuine veggies by calling yourself one! :mad:

    Thanks to everyone who posts competitions. You are the stars of the board :T:j:T
  • workingalwaysworking
    workingalwaysworking Posts: 20 Forumite
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    Yes they can. I am friends with my friends' husbands for example and don't have any feeling towards them x
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,350 Forumite
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    My best friend for years was a man and both of us were happily single. The funny bit was he was completely oblivious to other people's assumptions that we were actually a couple and his reaction when he realised about 3 years in!
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
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