Can men and women be friends?

catmiaow

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I agree that that puts a whole different spin on it and I think its not a good idea to be alone with someone you find attractive even if for friendship.

I don't see a problem, because self control is there plus the attraction probably is just one sided.

piglet74

What if its not? Have you thought about the consequences, if you meet this man alone, and the attraction is mutual, and things go beyond self control?

Torry_Quine

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Don't be patronising! I don't "have an issue", but I did have to overcome the outfall of what could have led to an indiscretion if OH hadn't sorted his priorities out when he finally realised what he stood to lose.

I would hope two people could relate to eachother without a sexual attraction, otherwise the office would have permanently steamed-up windows :rotfl: . However in the OP's case, the attraction is clearly already there.

Sorrybutit wasn't meant to be patronising, merely that we are all the product of our experiences.

Your husband did realise he wanted to remain with you and not be unfaithful then so why the anger. You should be pleased that he resisted temptation. Yes with the OP there is an attraction but when there isn't, there shouldn't be a problem and if an attraction occurs then remove yourself from the situation.

catmiaow

piglet74 wrote: »

What if its not? Have you thought about the consequences, if you meet this man alone, and the attraction is mutual, and things go beyond self control?

No I have just assumed it is one sided to be honest.

catmiaow

piglet74 wrote: »

What if its not? Have you thought about the consequences, if you meet this man alone, and the attraction is mutual, and things go beyond self control?

It wouldn't go past self control and I don't think he would even try.

catmiaow

piglet74 wrote: »

I think it is unfair to your husband for you to have a friendship with this man, if by friendship you mean the two of you meeting up alone.

You admit you are attracted to this man, you could be on the verge of breaking your husbands trust in you. How much do you value this friendship over your marriage?

Would you be happy for your husband to meet up with a female friend who he was attracted to?

I would be fine about it, accept I wouldn't like daily contact and would prefer if he was honest and not lying. In fact he has done a few times.

Bogof_Babe

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Sorrybutit wasn't meant to be patronising, merely that we are all the product of our experiences.

Your husband did realise he wanted to remain with you and not be unfaithful then so why the anger. You should be pleased that he resisted temptation. Yes with the OP there is an attraction but when there isn't, there shouldn't be a problem and if an attraction occurs then remove yourself from the situation.

Because he pretty much lost his marbles for about two years, while he fought it out in his head and heart. He was not very nice to me much of the time, presumably perceiving me as an obstacle to his happiness.

As for resisting temptation, who knows what would have happened if the other woman had not been forced by her financial problems to get a different job.

All this was 2010-2011, and we have been back on an even keel for the last couple of years, but hell it was a hard slog. He knows he has had his final written warning, so only now do I feel I can trust him. But I still wouldn't want him going out for an evening with a desirable woman!

catmiaow

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Because he pretty much lost his marbles for about two years, while he fought it out in his head and heart. He was not very nice to me much of the time, presumably perceiving me as an obstacle to his happiness.

As for resisting temptation, who knows what would have happened if the other woman had not been forced by her financial problems to get a different job.

All this was 2010-2011, and we have been back on an even keel for the last couple of years, but hell it was a hard slog. He knows he has had his final written warning, so only now do I feel I can trust him. But I still wouldn't want him going out for an evening with a desirable woman!

Honestly I really feel for you, it must have been hard.

Pollycat

catmiaow wrote: »

I don't see a problem, because self control is there plus the attraction probably is just one sided.

You don't see a problem?
Really?
You find this bloke attractive.
Step away now - if you value your relationship with your current partner.

If you don't, I'm sure we can all guess the nature of your next thread.

System

The only friendship i want from any man is from the man i love and the man who loves me. There is no room in my life for any other man.

Yes i am limiting myself as to friendships but i dont care.

I had a male friend once. I'd known him for years but one day he came out and told me he wanted a relationship with me. I'll never put myself in that position again as i hadnt got a clue as to how he felt about me and wondered if i had been encouraging his feelings by being his friend.