Can men and women be friends?

Bogof_Babe

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Of course there's human nature and I didn't say my husband wouldn't be tempted, we all face temptations. If someone wants to stray there are many ways to meet someone, for instance many of his work colleagues are female.

But my whole point is that people don't always "set out" to stray, otherwise the marriage is doomed from the start. Circumstances can thrust people into situations that requires them both to be extremely self-controlled, and it only needs one of them to let their guard down and things gather their own momentum. Especially if alcohol is involved!

pigpen

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It wouldn't bother me at all. I trust him

until it happens

Torry_Quine

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

But my whole point is that people don't always "set out" to stray, otherwise the marriage is doomed from the start. Circumstances can thrust people into situations that requires them both to be extremely self-controlled, and it only needs one of them to let their guard down and things gather their own momentum. Especially if alcohol is involved!

I'm not going to keep debating with you as you've obviously got an issue you need to deal with. Its sad that you think that a man and woman can't be alone without a sexual attraction but I assure you they can.

Torry_Quine

pigpen wrote: »

until it happens

As stated above you have an issue which affects how you see friendships.

catmiaow

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Well why does it have to be this guy, the one you find attractive? Isn't there anyone else in your team who you could pal up with on a purely platonic basis, to do the things your OH isn't interested in?

I'm hearing warning signs because frankly my dear, I've got the teeshirt.

Read a book called NOT "Just Friends" if you want further explanation.

Well just because I am attracted to him doesn't mean he is attracted to me and regardless I do have self control. I really just want friendship with him.

theoretica

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I still don't see what you can get from a male-female relationship that you can't get from same sex, unless there are "feelings" involved.

Twice as many potential friends. This might not be so important for people who have lots of friends and make new ones easily, but it is for me.

Pollycat

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Its sad that you think that a man and woman can't be alone without a sexual attraction but I assure you they can.

But can they when one person within the 'friendship' finds the other person attractive - as the OP said in the original post?

Bogof_Babe

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I'm not going to keep debating with you as you've obviously got an issue you need to deal with. Its sad that you think that a man and woman can't be alone without a sexual attraction but I assure you they can.

Don't be patronising! I don't "have an issue", but I did have to overcome the outfall of what could have led to an indiscretion if OH hadn't sorted his priorities out when he finally realised what he stood to lose.

I would hope two people could relate to eachother without a sexual attraction, otherwise the office would have permanently steamed-up windows :rotfl: . However in the OP's case, the attraction is clearly already there.

Torry_Quine

Pollycat wrote: »

But can they when one person within the 'friendship' finds the other person attractive - as the OP said in the original post?

I agree that that puts a whole different spin on it and I think its not a good idea to be alone with someone you find attractive even if for friendship.

piglet74

I think it is unfair to your husband for you to have a friendship with this man, if by friendship you mean the two of you meeting up alone.

You admit you are attracted to this man, you could be on the verge of breaking your husbands trust in you. How much do you value this friendship over your marriage?

Would you be happy for your husband to meet up with a female friend who he was attracted to?