Family will disown us if we get married abroad, thoughts?

Pollycat

Hutchch0920 wrote: »

He said well you'll still get an invite but if you don't want go then that's your choice.

Well done that man. :T

jetplane

So although she won't give her blessing and is her reliable awkward self, she didn't say she will disown him, is that right?

Hutchch0920

Jetplane in fact no she didn't, not to him.

Pollycat

jetplane wrote: »

So although she won't give her blessing and is her reliable awkward self, she didn't say she will disown him, is that right?

Just to be sure.........
does 'disown' mean 'I'm cutting you out of my will' or 'I'll never speak to you again'?

And are you & your intended bothered about either scenario?

pigpen

Pollycat wrote: »

Just to be sure.........
does 'disown' mean 'I'm cutting you out of my will' or 'I'll never speak to you again'?

And are you & your intended bothered about either scenario?

I got the impression it was his sister saying she would never speak to them again rather than his mum.. his mum just went along with what his sister said as 'its not the done thing' .. but if someone is petty enough to not talk to you ever again because you don't give in to their demands would you care whether you were disinherited or not?

I'd just book it and go.. I wouldn't even have a party on my return.

jetplane

Hutchch0920 wrote: »

Jetplane in fact no she didn't, not to him.

That's a result then, his sister seems to have been scaremongering, so now you can enjoy planning, have a great time

workingalwaysworking

I haven't read all the posts so forgive me if I missed anything.

OH and I got married a couple of years ago in our home town - nothing fancy, just us and immediate family. We had planned to get married in Greece and were on the verge of booking it, when his family said they couldn't afford to come over. This was after numerous discussions, over 18 months in advance etc. 7 years on and whilst we had a lovely day I still bitterly regret not going to Greece - esp as they booked a holiday to Spain a few weeks after our wedding x

Person_one

Hutchch0920 wrote: »

He said well you'll still get an invite but if you don't want go then that's your choice.

He wasn't planning to pay for her to attend?

Stoodles

My two gorgeous daughters both have lovely partners. I hope both couples will marry, and I hope I'll be there to celebrate their happiness. What matters though, is their lives together not one particular day. I can't imagine why parents or siblings would want to cast a shadow over those lives. With so much unavoidable distress in the world, why does anyone want to add to it?

Savvy_Sue

Going back to Radders' situation.

I've known several friends who for various reasons had a quiet civil ceremony before what THEY regard as their wedding day.

Legally, they were married, but did not think of themselves as married until they had had the 'main event'.

This included one couple for whom my DH was conducting the 'main event'. He used to be an Authorised Person for marriages in our previous church, and there's a fair amount of 'must-do' stuff you need to know about. And one of the bottom lines to make a marriage valid is that you MUST sign the register. Properly. At the time.

So we get to the end of this 'main event', and I'm sat there thinking "DH has forgotten to get them to sign the register! What's he thinking of???", and so, apparently, is the groom's father who used to be a church minister so who also knows about The Things You Must Do to make a marriage legal.

And it turns out that this couple are in fact already married, they went and did it at the registry office the previous week, and didn't want anyone to know because this ceremony and celebration is what they regard as their proper wedding, and this is the day on which they will celebrate their anniversary.

I don't know how many other people noticed: to this day I don't know if they've ever told anyone who didn't notice!

Then there was the couple who did this because the bride knew she'd be a complete and utter wreck if she had to say her words before lots of people the first time, but would be OK if she'd already said them once to make it legal. And the couple who did this because the venue for their 'main event' wasn't registered for weddings (this in the days before you could get married just about anywhere). And the couple who did this WEEKS before the 'main event' because otherwise the bride would have had to leave the country. And so on.

I hope you've been able to get over this hurt, and talk about why she did it this way, and why she didn't tell you sooner. But she may well not think of that as her 'wedding', and want another ceremony with you there. And she may have had what seemed like good and sufficient reasons to her, and not known how to tell you.

I don't have a daughter, but I really hope that I wouldn't fall out with any of my sons because I was hurt by one of their decisions when I've brought them up to be independent and think for themselves.