Family will disown us if we get married abroad, thoughts?

Hutchch0920

My OH and I would both love to get married on a beach. We both know we want to get married abroad, in the sunshine with sand in our toes and the sound of the sea.

Having talked through our wishes my OH imagined family and friends there and I would love it to be just us, and our witnesses. He is my world and that is all I would want to concentrate on while we are there. So between us we came to an agreement that we would have the ceremony abroad with perhaps a few close friends in attendance, if anyone, and then have a party when we get back.

I briefly mentioned this to his little sister and she said she would stop talking to us forever if she was not invited to the ceremony, and then she asked her Mum and her Mum said the same. She said that it is not the done thing in her family.

I have clashed with his Mum before and she has openly admitted to me that she doesn't like me because I don't conform to her traditional values of running around after her 'little boy' like I am his personal servant.

We have made our compromises together and would be both happy with what we have agreed so I take issue with people trying to manipulate us into have a wedding that they want us to have, rather than that we want to have, at the same time I don't want him to become estranged from his family and I don't doubt that they would keep their word if we did get married without them.

Interested in your thoughts and experiences on this?

Flugelhorn

Family will disown us if we get married abroad, thoughts?

They don't own you, you are individuals, so they can't disown you.
They can be a pain, sulk, keep you out of the loop, not invite you to things etc etc .

balletshoes

as the problem appears to be with your OH's sister and mum, its up to him to decide how to go forward with the wedding plans really, I mean does he think they really would disown him, and if thats the case would that change how he'd plan the wedding?

He's as involved as you are with the wedding, so his feelings are as valid as yours, together you need to decide what you'll do.

I married abroad, with no family or friends around from "home" - no-one disowned us, but I didn't expect that they would.

Peter333

Wow, what horrible spoilt entitled-to brats your partner's family sound, and what disgusting behaviour! :mad:

HE needs to say to them that you and he will do what you blasted well want to do as it's YOUR wedding.

I have known a number of people who had tiny weddings, and excluded many relatives, and many of them never spoke to them for a few years; some NEVER spoke to them again. Utterly pathetic.

Is it an option maybe to still have a small wedding abroad, and just invite parents and siblings only (and maybe partners and children of siblings?) That would still be a small wedding yes?

onlyroz

How about you have a small wedding abroad, limited to a handful of guests each?

LilElvis

I didn't tell my parents we were engaged for several weeks because our original plan was to go to Las Vegas with a few friends and come back married, claiming it was spur of the moment. On reflection though I realised how upset my parents would be to not be there, so we told them. My Mum did have a big intake of breath when I said that I wanted to be married in one of the little "in and out" chapels rather than at a glitzy hotel one. She went an interesting shade of grey when I told her I wanted to be married by Elvis. But they didn't try to change my mind and accepted that it was what we wanted, just as it was my sister's choice to go for the full meringue dress/ wedding breakfast/ coordinating chair cover wedding 5 months before our marriage. 12 of us went - us, 3 parents, my sister and her husband, our godson and 4 friends. It was a fantastic week, we loved every minute and our parents generally just met up with us for dinner so we didn't find that we were inhibited by having them there. Your partner originally wanted family there to celebrate with you so it is really more your wish than his. If you plan it well then there is no reason why you can't have an intimate day with some family there by keeping them at a distance for the majority of the time as I did.

meritaten

amazing how a wedding ceremony can split families.
do what a relative of mine did - get married in secret and don't tell ANYONE! everyone thought they just lived together and were gobsmacked to find they were really married!

thorsoak

And what about your family? What is their stance on this?

If you both want to get married abroad, with a few friends, then what is stopping you? Unless you (or your OH) is likely to inherit a dukedom or half of Westminster what does "family disowning us" really amount to?

geminilady

you said OH imagined family and friends there so why not just have immediate family and a couple of close friends? you say he is "your world" but most parents would expect to be at their child's wedding and unless either of you has a massive family a couple of brothers and sisters would still make it just a few people.

Hermia

meritaten wrote: »

amazing how a wedding ceremony can split families.
do what a relative of mine did - get married in secret and don't tell ANYONE! everyone thought they just lived together and were gobsmacked to find they were really married!

I know a few couples who had a quiet wedding without telling anyone and just announced (and some hosted a small party/dinner to celebrate) it afterwards. It seems the best way of dealing with warring or controlling families.

pigpen

No wonder so many couples dont bother getting married now!

Its not their wedding, its yours.. tell his sister it is her decision whether she ever talks to you again but its a pretty pathetic reason... ditto the rest of his family.

OH's sister gave in to parent pressure and while she enjoyed the day it was not what she had wanted.. you live once.. do what you want, if others dont approve, so what.