Feeling very low about breakup

justme111

MXW wrote: »

I text him because he, himself said he wanted to continue with that. The meeting was suggested by him not me........I haven't seen him for 5 weeks, by anyone's standards I don't think that could be considered a lot of contact.

You do not seem to hear or my eloquence left me..
He did not suggest concrete day and time if meeting , did he? So what are your actions if not pressure? You seem to be concentrated on trying to justify why you applying that pressure :"he said he wanted it , we dud not see each other other for 5 weeks "and so on. It is not the matter of how often would it be reasonable for people to see each other.
Re nicest person - where did I say you said that? I said "think". And was referring to womenkind in general. Your posts read " we were great as a couple and I can not understand what he did not like". Even now , after he told you he was doing stuff under pressure of your expectations and he wants it to be different somehow you see yourself as acting right and trying to make him relax with you and doing a good deed in it .

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

You do not seem to hear or my eloquence left me..
He did not suggest concrete day and time if meeting , did he? So what are your actions if not pressure? You seem to be concentrated on trying to justify why you applying that pressure :"he said he wanted it , we dud not see each other other for 5 weeks "and so on. It is not the matter of how often would it be reasonable for people to see each other.
Re nicest person - where did I say you said that? I said "think". And was referring to womenkind in general. Your posts read " we were great as a couple and I can not understand what he did not like". Even now , after he told you he was doing stuff under pressure of your expectations and he wants it to be different somehow you see yourself as acting right and trying to make him relax with you and doing a good deed in it .

You need to stop drinking so much. I'm happy for people to have opinions, otherwise I wouldn't have posted. However, your last post didn't make any sense and was garbled. I think it's time to stop the postings.

justme111

MXW wrote: »

..I text him and asked if he was free Saturday night, he said he didn't know, ...
... Told me he hated texting. ..

I do not think there is any point in me writing any further , you seem to adjust your vision of the situation to what you would like it to be . Good night

meritaten

MXW wrote: »

When I rang him I was devastated to learn that I was right. I couldn't really get a straight answer out of him, but he went on to say that he had been on his own for a long time and it was getting too deep. I pointed out that it had been him doing all the chasing, which he agreed. He then said he could usually tell if he's going to fall for someone when he first dates them (I assumed from that he meant he hadn't fallen for me). He then said he had been trying to make it work. This all came as news to me, because no one could be that good an actor. I asked him where that left us and he said he didnt know and could he think about it. I said that I wasn't going to hang around until he decided to make his mind up. I asked him if he wanted to call it a day, he said yes.

this statement says a lot to me
its very contradictory - for example if he judges on first dates why carry on the relationship? Why would he try to 'Make it work'? If he 'knows' within the first few dates - why 'string you along'?
one answer to me would be that he enjoyed your company but not feeling romantically involved. in which case why not just say that he wanted a 'friendship'?
sounds to me like he wanted a 'relationship' without the commitment. Friends with benefits maybe?

whatever - I think you are better off without him.
You deserve better than this man - he sounds weak. I mean that - a man who cant be straight with you or one who doesn't know his own mind. you don't need him.

justme111

You may not believe it but I spent about an hour of my time this evening trying to convey to you something which is pretty clear to me on the topic which is close to your heart while being absolutely sober. Yes I can be sad like that . I am annoyed I failed .
May be if you re read what you written you will notice contradictions - for example saying that he wanted to meet on Saturday while in previous post you said he said he wanted to meet , did not follow it up with anything concrete and when you phoned and you suggested meeting on Saturday he said he may be busy.
Resuming - you want far more involvement than the man wants. You could either accept or decline. You not seeing it re involvement makes me think if you accept it is not going to last anyway.

FBaby

Said he found it incredibly hard to talk about his feelings, but that he does miss me. He said he wanted to see me and see where things went, that we can still ring and text, but see each other less ( for now). I told him I was happy with this (to see how things went). He mentioned meeting maybe next week.

I'm really sorry but his behaviour and the above words strike of someone who is steering you along. You say that he is honest and frank, everything you've written shows the exact opposite picture.

I personally felt from your first post that there was somewhere else in the picture, someone who he isn't with yet officially, but who he is trying to get closer to. I don't believe that his being vague about Saturday evening was to do with work but whether he would be out with someone else. If indeed it was a question of whether he needed to work, don't you think when you texted him, instead of saying that he thought he was free he would have mentioned the possibility of being called for work?

The reason why he is uncomfortable and wanting to avoid confrontation is because he knows deep inside he is playing with you, and there is a part of him that feels bad about it. He wants to pretend that he is doing nothing wrong, but when you mention that your feelings are hurt, the guilt floods in and he doesn't like it. By saying that you can still text, he is saying that he doesn't want to loose you all together, but this way he can convince himself he owes you nothing.

I'm sorry but he is a typical manipulator, but one of the talented ones, who plays on being nice and open and caring to hide behind who they really are.

Even if the above is wrong, what is he given you? You are hanging on to peanuts in return of so much emotional upheaval. It is not worth it and however painful it is to accept that this relationship is over and there are no going back, you will feel so much better over the long run.