Feeling very low about breakup

SandC

I would definitely have a meet up. This is exactly what you back off for, they can't miss you if you don't go anywhere you see. I think it's worth seeing how you feel - you might have had a shift in feelings yourself.

Keep us posted OP.

MXW

SandC wrote: »

I would definitely have a meet up. This is exactly what you back off for, they can't miss you if you don't go anywhere you see. I think it's worth seeing how you feel - you might have had a shift in feelings yourself.

Keep us posted OP.

Well, we originally spoke on the phone last week and he said he would ring me later in the week. I text him and asked if he was free Saturday night, he said he didn't know, he thought he was free, and what did I have in mind. By this time I was fuming, he was the one that text me, wanted to try again, and that I deserved better, but was being vague about meeting. I rang him and was very emotional (annoyed), told him that I couldn't do this, wasn't prepared to invest my time in him if he couldn't be bothered to meet.


His reaction shocked me, he was very emotional, uncomfortable, and I could almost feel how stressed he was. To cut a long story short, it turned out that he could he working Saturday, but didn't know for sure. He was beside himself saying he hated confrontation, and talking about feelings, especially if it upset people.

I did manage to make him speak to me, he told me he had been on his own for so long that he didn't know how to act in a relationship. The texts and phone calls prior to us splitting was because that was what he thought was expected, and it was what I wanted. Told me he hated texting.

Said he found it incredibly hard to talk about his feelings, but that he does miss me. He said he wanted to see me and see where things went, that we can still ring and text, but see each other less ( for now). I told him I was happy with this (to see how things went). He mentioned meeting maybe next week.

This conversation was last Wednesday, I haven't heard anything from him since. Text him today to see if he had a good weekend. He text back a perfectly reasonable text, but never asked how I was.

Am I wasting my time? My friends seem to think by pushing him to talk, I'll push him away, and I should give him some space. What do you think?

PeacefulWaters

I think it's time to stop texting. Forever.

Ring him. Ask him to give a time and place to meet and talk. Then do it face to face.

You may need to use your womanly skills to ease out what he really wants. You will need to be patient with him. You may need to encourage him to open up.

And if you do pursue a long term relationship you will need to do the same throughout it. You might find it a tiresome burden or you might find it rewarding. You'll know best.

He needs to know it's safe to state his feelings and ask you what yours are.

MXW

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I think it's time to stop texting. Forever.

Ring him. Ask him to give a time and place to meet and talk. Then do it face to face.

You may need to use your womanly skills to ease out what he really wants. You will need to be patient with him. You may need to encourage him to open up.

And if you do pursue a long term relationship you will need to do the same throughout it. You might find it a tiresome burden or you might find it rewarding. You'll know best.

He needs to know it's safe to state his feelings and ask you what yours are.

Thanks for your reply. I know that he's not playing games, it's just how he is. I'm a very open, honest person. If there's an issue (whatever it may be) I confront it head on, sort it out, then forget about it. This is his worst nightmare! I think your right about the texting, I will ring him and ask if he is free this weekend. We definitely need to be face to face, although I'm mindful that I have to tread carefully. I am willing to put the time in to bring him out of his shell, but he has got to meet me halfway. This is a very new experience for me, my previous relationships have all been very confident, outgoing characters. I think that's why I find him so endearing, there's no side to him........I hope he can learn that he can trust me. Xi

justme111

Why did you start texting him again ? He said he wanted less involvement, you said you were happy to try it - why don't you let him to make it just how much involvement he wants then decide if you say yes please or no thank you ? Why initialising meeting, texting and so on specially after him saying he would want less of it?
Is not it clear that he agrees to something under pressure or expectation and it does not end up well ? Why keeping pressure on then ?

justme111

Why on earth would you want to be with someone that you so insistently want to change ? He does not like emotional talks and texts but you adamant you will press him into it. That is disrespectful in my opinion and typical of women who often honestly think they are nicest people in earth and somehow don't notice how disregarding their actions are.

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

Why did you start texting him again ? He said he wanted less involvement, you said you were happy to try it - why don't you let him to make it just how much involvement he wants then decide if you say yes please or no thank you ? Why initialising meeting, texting and so on specially after him saying he would want less of it?

I text him because he, himself said he wanted to continue with that. The meeting was suggested by him not me........I haven't seen him for 5 weeks, by anyone's standards I don't think that could be considered a lot of contact.

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

Why on earth would you want to be with someone that you so insistently want to change ? He does not like emotional talks and texts but you adamant you will press him into it. That is disrespectful in my opinion and typical of women who often honestly think they are nicest people in earth and somehow don't notice how disregarding their actions are.

I don't ever recall saying I was the nicest person on earth

justme111

He said he wanted a meeting. He did not say he wanted your texts. In fact he said the opposite. But you still texted and he felt obliged to reply.He did not arrange the meeting, he did not say " I want you to call me and insist we make firm arrangements for meeting". If you don't like it then say "no thank you". Or be patient , wait, try to understand him .Trying to mould a man into what you want by pressure is disrespectful and number 1 male pet hate.

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

He said he wanted a meeting. He did not say he wanted your texts. In fact he said the opposite. But you still texted and he felt obliged to reply.He did not arrange the meeting, he did not say " I want you to call me and insist we make firm arrangements for meeting". If you don't like it then say "no thank you". Or be patient , wait, try to understand him .Trying to mould a man into what you want by pressure is disrespectful and number 1 male pet hate.

He said he wanted to continue to text and call, but not meet up every weekend (which was previously his suggestion). He did actually say that we should meet next Saturday..... His suggestion, not mine. I spoke with him on the phone, had the conversation, know the content. If I wanted to change him, was pushy, I doubt very much he would have contacted me to say he missed me and wanted to give it another go. I do not want to change him, far from it, but I do want to be able to communicate with him, but that will come in time, and when he's ready.