Feeling very low about breakup

Kim_kim

LilElvis wrote: »

And if we had done that we wouldn't have been together for 15 years. He might have realised that this isn't the relationship for him, or he might just be scared at the idea of potentially being hurt again.

You are probably giving the OP false hope & that's not kind.

Either he's an emotional roller coaster or more likely there is now or always was another women.

The best thing the OP can do is keep her dignity & be thankful it ended sooner rather than later.

MXW

Kim_kim wrote: »

You are probably giving the OP false hope & that's not kind.

Either he's an emotional roller coaster or more likely there is now or always was another women.

The best thing the OP can do is keep her dignity & be thankful it ended sooner rather than later.

I won't contact him, because if things don't go well, then emotionally I will be back to square one. If he realises he has made a mistake, then I would hope he would contact me. What I would do, I don't know. As for another woman, I don't think there is. I'm not completely naive, Ive been round the block a few times, and that just doesnt seem to fit. Ive asked him the question and he has promised there isnt (he could be lying of course), but I dont think he is.

LilElvis

Kim_kim wrote: »

You are probably giving the OP false hope & that's not kind.

Either he's an emotional roller coaster or more likely there is now or always was another women.

The best thing the OP can do is keep her dignity & be thankful it ended sooner rather than later.

I'm not giving her false hope, I'm telling her my personal experience. It worked for me/us, despite some very teenage acting out a few months in. Only the OP knows whether she thinks he is running scared or has been stringing her along. Only she knows if she thinks it is worth holding the door ajar or making contact again.

MXW

LilElvis wrote: »

I'm not giving her false hope, I'm telling her my personal experience. It worked for me/us, despite some very teenage acting out a few months in. Only the OP knows whether she thinks he is running scared or has been stringing her along. Only she knows if she thinks it is worth holding the door ajar or making contact again.

I dont think he has been stringing me along, I do honestly think he is a good person. But I don't think I could take the rejection if I contacted him, and he still felt the same and wanted things to remain as they were. It just amazes me that someone can be so attentive and caring & literally overnight change with no warning. He has been out of the dating game for a long time and is not a player.

*Robin*

MXW wrote: »

I dont think he has been stringing me along, I do honestly think he is a good person. But I don't think I could take the rejection if I contacted him, and he still felt the same and wanted things to remain as they were. It just amazes me that someone can be so attentive and caring & literally overnight change with no warning. He has been out of the dating game for a long time and is not a player.

Maybe he was hoping for a mature friendship,* then suddenly realised your expectations were very different, MXW? Or perhaps the emotional side moved much too quickly for him, and he panicked - being just as afraid of rejection / let-down as you are?
*platonic.

haras_nosirrah

Could you say to him that you really like him and had hoped to continue the relationship but that things don't have to move so fast and to contact you if he feels differently and you can see how things stand

Then dont contact him unless he contacts you. It may be he is worried of being hurt and if he has been out of the dating game a while as well he may need some time to work out his feelings and while you shouldnt wait for him if someone else comes along you may or may not want to leave the door a little bit ajar if you think your relationship could be rekindled.

As they say if you love someone let them go and if they are yours then they will come back to you

FBaby

My heart goes to you, it really does. This is exactly what I was scared of when I started to date again and indeed, it happened. When I met my now OH and I knew I would fall in love with him, I became a paranoid mess, thankfully hide it as well as I could. The reality is that these things do happen quite often, but what are you supposed to do, not let yourself fall in love? It's a chance that you have to take, but yes, when it does work, it hurts badly.

My experience unfortunately is the circumstances you describe do usually mean that there is someone else in the picture. I am wondering whether he started to get anxious about what your relationship would mean for the future, ie. would he need to move, would it become an issue with his children, work etc... or is it that although he really like you, there was something that bothered him?

It could be that he really liked you, but something was holding him back. Then he might have just met someone on a friendly basis, but that made him think that indeed, whatever is the issue with you wouldn't be with her. That might have been enough to make him decide that it was better to end things with you.

The last last time this happened to me, very similar to your situation, I later found out that his issue was that I was too old. Despite the fact that it was him who had done all the chasing, that we joked about it (only 4 years older) and he told me that it meant nothing, as it turned out, he woke up one morning, realising that if we got serious, by the time we would be in a situation to have children if all went well, I would be approaching my 40s. I didn't know but he really wanted more children (had one already) and that worried him. Then he met someone who he liked who was young, and 12 months later, he was married to her and she was pregnant (now separated). It didn't cross my mind then, when I was going through all possible reasons/scenario that this could have been it.

I give you a huge virtual hug as I know how much it hurts, but do remember that it's better to have given it a go than avoiding the chance for sharing a loving relationship because of the possible downfall. His loss!

Slinky

I think it's a fairly common reaction when you find the intensity of a relationship with 'the right one' to have a bit of a panic attack about what that means for your future and to run away from it. Happened to me, happened to my friend, we're both married now to that person.

Of course that may not be the case, it could be something else.

If it's right, he'll come back to you.

Guest101

I don't see why there must be someone else? It's perfectly possible the OPs ex has simply gone off the idea.

That's not a reflection on the OP, nor him to be fair.

Everyone is entitled to make their own choice.

FBaby

It's not a case of there MUST be someone else, but from experience -personal/friends- it is often the trigger when there are doubts, that is when it is a case of one day all is well and the next it's the end.

Also what he said, the vagueness of his explanations, the 'Can I please think about it', all ringing alarm bells.

In the end though, whether there is someone else or not, at whatever level makes no difference. It's hard to invest yourself emotionally to the point when you can't wait to spend time with that person again to then having to accept they are gone forever.