Feeling very low about breakup

Frogletina

I had a breakup with a friend a couple of years ago with similarities to this one. He meant everything to me, but I couldn't figure out where things were going and what he really felt about me.

We didn't see each other very often, but he messaged me three times a day, as did I in return - but he started to be evasive when I asked when we were going to meet up again.

In the end, I had to have 'the conversation'. He just said I wanted more than he did. I said that I knew he had feelings for me, and he agreed that he did but said he was not going to act on them. He'd had two previous relationships that hadn't worked out, and I wonder if he decided he couldn't take the chance that ours would end too.

I asked if we could remain friends, and that I enjoyed his company but he said he wanted to draw a line under things (this was all said in one email) and despite messaging him a few more times, I never heard from him again.

I used to think that he would miss me, and maybe he does but I don't think I'll ever know. But I wish him well - it was good to know him.

frogletina

MXW

Who said heartache was just for the young. I feel like a pathetic teenager!

Kynthia

Unfortunately in my experience short term relationships that end tend to end suddenly like this. It's brutal to the one on the receiving end as they had no warning. However trying to push for an answer just ends up prolonging the hurt as often tge other person doesn't truly understand the reason themselves, so you end up with unclear reasons. If you keep pushing they then make something up in the hope of giving you what you need but that might be more hurtful. The best thing is to keep busy and try to move on.

justme111

op, although you are 53 judging but what you said this one was a second relationship for you either in your entire life or since teenage years so no wonder you feel you react to it like a teenager.

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

op, although you are 53 judging but what you said this one was a second relationship for you either in your entire life or since teenage years so no wonder you feel you react to it like a teenager.

Thank you for your kind insight. In actual fact I've been married twice, and at my age have been round the block more than a few times. However, when u have been hurt and hide away, then someone comes along and gains ur trust, and ends it out of the blue........ It's a shock to the system. I'm not going to apologise for how I feel.

FBaby

Yoy don't have to apologise at all. We are all different and I understand how you feel because I am very picky when it comes to men so it is rare that any would get my heart beating. I've never been interested in getting into a relationship unless I feel I'm going to fall in love so indeed it hurt when I met one that had that impact on me, gave me all the vibes that he felt the same to then letting me go out of the blue with dubious reasons. You're entitled to feel totally heartbroken even if you were together only for a short period of time.

Kayalana99

I've not been on the receiving end but I have to admit my friend has done this to more then one guy - she honestly does have a good heart but she jumps into relationships thinking they are made for her then overnight(a few months in) has changed her mind, broken up with him and not looked back. Leaving the guy wondering what the hell he did or where it went wrong - trying to win her back but she's moved on like it never happened despite being so 'in love' with them mear 48 hours beforehand.

I think sometimes people can fall in love with the idea of a relationship, put 100% into it - but then realise that person isn't actually what they want. It's honestly nothing personal - I've seen her chuck some really great guys to the kerb but she prefers to be "free" and after a while the routine bores her.

From what you have said he is basically saying that he doesn't have the "love" for you that he did for his ex-wife all them years ago and there is not much else you can do but dust yourself off and carry on.

Also it's hard to imagine if you prefer relationships, but some people are happy by themselves. I still can't get my head around it but I know someone else who chucked his family life away all because he wanted to live by himself and just be 'him' he has no interest in relationships and I think you described him pretty well...seeing his kids on weekends, working and down the pub on week nights.

justme111

MXW wrote: »

. I'm not going to apologise for how I feel.

interesting you see my post as judging you negatively and requesting apologies.
Fbaby , of course one is absolutely entitled to experience as much pain as one's character/behaviour set one up to.
Written a few years down the line by someone who been on the receiving end of it, got the pain t-shirt and can very well relate to rarely meeting someone who fits stringent criteria

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

op, although you are 53 judging but what you said this one was a second relationship for you either in your entire life or since teenage years so no wonder you feel you react to it like a teenager.

I don't think I thought this was negative, I thought it sarcastic, and really not called for.

MXW

justme111 wrote: »

interesting you see my post as judging you negatively and requesting apologies.
Fbaby , of course one is absolutely entitled to experience as much pain as one's character/behaviour set one up to.
Written a few years down the line by someone who been on the receiving end of it, got the pain t-shirt and can very well relate to rarely meeting someone who fits stringent criteria

I don't see your post as negative. I see your post as sarcastic and uncalled for.