Feeling very low about breakup

MXW

FBaby wrote: »

Well done you! You'll definitely get there, and it sounds sooner than later!

It's amazing how almost all of us can look back and think of some of the people we fell in love with 'why oh why did I feel so strongly for him/her'.



Still look at it positively, for some time, you experienced great happiness with someone, even if short-lived, and that's always good for the soul.

I still definitely look at it is a positive experience, in a way that's the problem. If he was a s**t and treat me badly, I would have none of the feelings I do now. I'm not the kind of person that needs a man in my life. ....I've managed very well without one for a long time, and have friends who are married and unhappy, but won't leave because they don't want to be alone. I can't understand that.....surely you must feel more lonely??? He was very different to me in background, & temperament. However we did have the same moral compass, and that's what worked for me.
He wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, which ordinarily would be a turn off for me , but because of the kind person he was, I thought that was sweet. Whether he just got scared, I'll never know..... I'll just have to get on with my life.

Thank you for your lovely words. X

PeacefulWaters

I've just had a four month relationship come to a close. It's actually the first time in my life that I've been dumped.

My now ex-girlfriend has been excellent for me though. A real lifting of my spirit and confidence after exiting a bad marriage.

There's no particular explanation as to why she's gone from being (seemingly) madly in love with to distant overnight and then ending things a few weeks later.

I'm sad. But I'm not prepared to pester her for an explanation when, having asked once, she just said it's not about me.

If she's not feeling it, so be it. I've left the door open for her to change her mind. I won't be pestering her or messaging her though.

I'm a better man for the relationship and move on with good memories. It has also taught me that I can feel good as part of a couple.

Whether he just got scared, I'll never know..... I'll just have to get on with my life.

Exactly where I am.

MXW

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I've just had a four month relationship come to a close. It's actually the first time in my life that I've been dumped.

My now ex-girlfriend has been excellent for me though. A real lifting of my spirit and confidence after exiting a bad marriage.

There's no particular explanation as to why she's gone from being (seemingly) madly in love with to distant overnight and then ending things a few weeks later.

I'm sad. But I'm not prepared to pester her for an explanation when, having asked once, she just said it's not about me.

If she's not feeling it, so be it. I've left the door open for her to change her mind. I won't be pestering her or messaging her though.

I'm a better man for the relationship and move on with good memories. It has also taught me that I can feel good as part of a couple.

Exactly where I am.

Thank you for your wise words. I haven't contacted him either, and don't intend to. At the end I sent him a very "grown up" text to tell him what a lovely person he was and to wish him well for the future. I told him that seeing him had made me realise that I too had been hiding away (in terms of a relationship), and intended to get out there once again and live.

MXW

I here I am again.......still in turmoil! I haven't contacted him since the split. Would I be an idiot to text him and tell him that I have missed him. If he was unsure and scared ( he said that he knew he was looking too deeply into things and had spoilt it). Maybe this would go one way or the other...maybe he will realise that he has missed me....maybe he will have realised that he had made the right decision. Should I risk it? X

vulpix

No,chin up,move on.He has left a void in your life.Keep very busy and it will pass.You are overthinking too at the moment.He is not worrying about your feelings.If the relationship was right it would be still continuing.A relationship that needs problems sorting out at the very beggining doesnt have strong foundations.These feelings will pass,honestly.XXXXX

PeacefulWaters

MXW wrote: »

I here I am again.......still in turmoil! I haven't contacted him since the split. Would I be an idiot to text him and tell him that I have missed him. If he was unsure and scared ( he said that he knew he was looking too deeply into things and had spoilt it). Maybe this would go one way or the other...maybe he will realise that he has missed me....maybe he will have realised that he had made the right decision. Should I risk it? X

There's no risk on your part. Such a message might make him think again. If he does then you will, of course, need to work through his issues together. If he ignores it, then you move on.

Take a step back from your emotional turmoil. Is he worth the trouble? If yes, send the text. Or be more direct - call him.

FBaby

DON'T DO IT. If it takes you sending him a text for him to realise that he has missed you, then he hasn't been thinking about you much and therefore....hasn't really missed you.

What you are likely to experience if you do is him saying a nice word, or even that he does miss you and you'll be back at scare one, starting to imagine that you could get back together and then get all hurt again when you realise that there really is nothing left to hang on to.

It's normal to have setbacks at the beginning, and you might have more than one, but even though it might not feel like it, you are moving on and it really will get easy. Hang on and don't slip back, it's not worth it any longer.

PeacefulWaters

FBaby wrote: »

DON'T DO IT. If it takes you sending him a text for him to realise that he has missed you, then he hasn't been thinking about you much and therefore....hasn't really missed you.

What you are likely to experience if you do is him saying a nice word, or even that he does miss you and you'll be back at scare one, starting to imagine that you could get back together and then get all hurt again when you realise that there really is nothing left to hang on to.

It's normal to have setbacks at the beginning, and you might have more than one, but even though it might not feel like it, you are moving on and it really will get easy. Hang on and don't slip back, it's not worth it any longer.

I must admit, I agree with the "let the one who ended it send the first message" approach.

In the meantime, stuff 'em and move on with your life!

MXW

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

I must admit, I agree with the "let the one who ended it send the first message" approach.

In the meantime, stuff 'em and move on with your life!

I'm confused! Lol! X

MXW

Update.

He sent me a text last night. It said he missed me, he hopes I'm OK, and that it's his fault.

I'm not sure I know how to interpret this text. I haven't replied.