Debt ridden family from hell

FBaby

Don't fall into the trap in getting involved into something where for one, you inevitably don't know all the facts, and for 2, you really have no control over.

All you and your wife can do is being supportive of your MIL and let her know, but SHE needs to come up with a way forward, not you. You really are risking getting yourself involved in a mess that at least so far, you've managed to stay out of.

xylophone

@Xylophone - just had a look at the website. They have a place around here too so will take a look. We have to be a bit careful though - she'd go ape sh*t at the suggestion she was ready for anything that resembles a care home.

I visited the couple who lived in the Abbeyfield scheme - they were in their eighties then but fully compos mentis, a retired vicar and his wife.

They were delighted with the accommodation which enabled them to have just as much independence as they felt they needed - the vicar remained there after he was widowed until the time when frailty did indeed require a nursing home for the few months until he died.

kinger101

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@Pinkshoes - with a clearer head this morning, and some really good and supporting comments from everyone on here, I'm sorting my plan out today, and going to see my solicitor tomorrow.

Actually....this>

FBaby wrote:

Don't fall into the trap in getting involved into something where for one, you inevitably don't know all the facts, and for 2, you really have no control over.

All you and your wife can do is being supportive of your MIL and let her know, but SHE needs to come up with a way forward, not you. You really are risking getting yourself involved in a mess that at least so far, you've managed to stay out of.

Your mum needs to see her solicitor. Your mum is the one who needs to determine whether she has a case, and the potential implications with regard to inheritance.

If you start pulling the strings now, things could get very messy. You mother has already been manipulated once. I'm not saying you are doing the same, but you'll only muddy the waters if it appears any action has been initiated by yourself.

Mojisola

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

She wants THEM to sort out THEIR mess and finally take some responsibility in their stupid irresponsible little lives.

If she still believes that they will do this, she's deluding herself and they will keep taking advantage of her and her money.

paddy's_mum

dancingfairy wrote: »

It might be worth her getting an independent power of attorney registered to avoid any accusations against you/ further mudslinging.

Please look after yourselves and make sure everything is above board/ you protect yourselves from any allegations etc. Desperate people will make accusations and you don't want to end up going down with them.

I think this is a highly valid and perceptive viewpoint and given the financial misconduct and other pleasantries of the in-laws, well worthy of deep consideration.

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojisola wrote: »

If she still believes that they will do this, she's deluding herself and they will keep taking advantage of her and her money.

It is true that some people never ever do grow up. There are ones (I have some in mind) that can get all the way to retirement age and still havent learnt they cant expect a "free ride" from everyone else. So - yes...she is being very optimistic if she thinks they will. They've had 15 years to do so since their last cash cow ....

Mojisola

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

It is true that some people never ever do grow up. There are ones (I have some in mind) that can get all the way to retirement age and still havent learnt they cant expect a "free ride" from everyone else.

But they can for many years - as this couple are proving.

Yorkshire_Midge

@Everyone - the only reason I am going to my solicitor first is I need to discuss aspects of all this that she will not want to talk about to hers, such as whether any abuse has taken place. I personally think it has but I am the ONLY one who will think so, which puts me in a very awkward position.


Independent Power of Attorney seems a very good idea indeed under the circumstances.

paddy's_mum

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

she will not want to talk about to her (solicitor - my alteration) such as whether any abuse has taken place

This is beginning to make the hairs on my neck stand up!

Be very, very careful as it is becoming more and more clear that your M-i-L is perfectly capable of sabotaging herself and you are very likely to be caught in the line of fire.

Why would anyone pretend not to know what has gone on over the years with the other side of the family, put themselves knowingly in a position where money is haemorrhaging out of their account and then choose not to give their own solicitor the building blocks he must have ....

I now believe that this situation has the capacity to be completely, utterly disastrous for you and your wife.

Be wary! :eek:

xylophone

https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

It seems to me that your MIL would be highly unlikely to make any kind of formal allegation that she has been subjected to financial abuse. She would be utterly appalled at the idea of instituting proceedings against her own daughter and the mother of these much loved grandchildren?

Then, she is compos mentis and has willingly acceded to requests for help over the years.

She appears to have no proof whatsoever that there was an agreement in place to build an annexe.

Even if she made a complaint, the relatives could all too easily argue that she was perfectly willing to help but has "turned nasty" because of a falling out.

It seems to me that all you can do is to put to her that the situation has become untenable and assist her as best you can to make other arrangements if that is what she wants.
If she doesn't, you had best bow out?