Debt ridden family from hell

moneyistooshorttomention

:j:T - sounds like you all had one heck of a fight on your hands to get this sorted out - but you've won through:D.

She's very fortunate to have you on her side.

Thank goodness it's all worked out come the end and they've not managed to drag her down with them.

Yorkshire_Midge

@Money - many thanks in particular to your good self!

It's just been terrible these last few months, and I've wondered how many old and vulnerable people get abused like this and just don't have the will and the support to carry a fight like this through. Really sobering.

All the best mate!

moneyistooshorttomention

Well - it's certainly been an object lesson all round as to just how wrong arrangements like this can go.

So - if this thread prevents this happening to even just one more person - then it's been worth having it up here for people to read and see what the possible pitfalls of a "joint" house can be. That being:

- that people need to be sure and certain they get on really well with each other. A multi-generation household is a huge strain - even for the most saintly of people (ie not that particular family then.....).

- think through the implications of what happens if "Sh*t Happens" (eg the elder's health getting worse or the "childrens" finances getting worse)

- lay down clear written proposals about exactly how things will be re any extension on the house (style of it/timing of it/etc).

I'll keep my fingers crossed for her that things work out re her seeing her grandchildren. Though I can appreciate it sounds like she has been forced into a "hard choices" situation re that. But - fingers crossed that they have enough insight to see how things are/form their own judgements and will make their own decisions about coming to see Gran on their own.

So sad it came to this - but things have been worked out the best way they could be now in those circumstances.

csgohan4

Karma always bite back and in this case, money and family should never mix, not matter what the original intentions were.


The couple that had to sell their house, should be ashamed of themselves, treating their mother like an expendable ATM.


Glad it worked out in the end.


Did the other side end up paying for the barrister and court costs?

Yorkshire_Midge

@Money - very true, and also astute ref. the grandkids. In this case, we know for a fact from derogatory comments the husband made in the past, that he didn't even like MiL before she moved in, so it was never going to end well once the money had gone. So this is maybe an extreme example of some very cynical and desperate behaviour.

But even in the BEST relationships, joint living is very challenging and people should think long and hard about the practicalities and what could go wrong BEFORE entering into such arrangements.

@csgohan4 - yes, they did pick up costs within the settlement amount.

BrassicWoman

So pleased MiL is now somewhere near and that suits her. Well done.

Jenniefour

Yorkshire Midge - I remember reading this thread, horrifying account. Just brilliant that you've managed to sort it out and get a good outcome for your MIL.

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

It's just been terrible these last few months, and I've wondered how many old and vulnerable people get abused like this and just don't have the will and the support to carry a fight like this through. Really sobering.

I suspect elder abuse is a lot more common that we think. Part of the difficulty is that older frailer people sometimes can't bring themselves to recognise exactly what's going on - shame, denial that their own child/children might be exploiting them, fear of the consequences if they confront, feeling trapped and so on. They need a lot of support from those, like yourself, who really do have their best interests in mind and are willing/able to take it on.

A cautionary tale about shared living, out and out financial exploitation, deliberately isolating the older person from others who might have been able to prevent this getting so far, and an older vulnerable person being heartlessly used as a means to an end that had very little to do with their welfare and well being.

I hope plenty of others are going to read this thread - as Money has said, it's an object lesson in how these kind of arrangements can go wrong.

Best ending possible in the circumstances, thanks to all your effort and hard work, and very difficult choices have had to be made. I hope MIL's relationship with her grandchildren works out. Hope you can all get on with enjoying your lives now. Well done.