Debt ridden family from hell

Yorkshire_Midge

@Everyone - I cannot order MiL to close down their access. She has to deal with it through her bank and I have already asked her to do so.


All I can tell you is they have not transferred anything out before apparently, which means they are either not permitted to so on that account (e.g. my own bank account requires two-factor authentication to do a transfer) OR they chose to have a cheque with a signature on so they can prove she did it willingly.


They may be right little b*stards, but they are not stupid. If anything leaves that account without MiL's permission now, they know it will finish them.

marksoton

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@Everyone - I cannot order MiL to close down their access. She has to deal with it through her bank and I have already asked her to do so.


All I can tell you is they have not transferred anything out before apparently, which means they are either not permitted to so on that account (e.g. my own bank account requires two-factor authentication to do a transfer) OR they chose to have a cheque with a signature on so they can prove she did it willingly.


They may be right little b*stards, but they are not stupid. If anything leaves that account without MiL's permission now, they know it will finish them.

With the password they don't need her permission.

And presumably money has been changed to their account previously or they wouldn't have managed to carry all this off....

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

marksoton wrote: »

With the password they don't need her permission.

And presumably money has been changed to their account previously or they wouldn't have managed to carry all this off....

There's plenty of ways she could have given them the money without a bank transfer. She gave it willingly, for the sake of the grandchildren, as far as she is concerned. And she is of sound mind. They haven't "managed to carry" anything off. She's been an idiot.

paddy's_mum

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

They may be right little b*stards, but they are not stupid. If anything leaves that account without MiL's permission now, they know it will finish them.

Oh, stop it!

They don't need permission because she will forgive, cover up, hide, exonerate everything they do!!!! and has done for far, far longer than you know.

Nobody who has their faculties (your explanation) would have allowed this to go on. What, exactly, was she getting from this sorry situation? Feeling worth something, paying for love....

You need to recognise that you can do NOTHING without M-i-L total input and I suspect that even now you are getting only half the story.

I applaud your concern and your actions completely but I am also afraid that the poop will very soon hit the fan.

It seems to me that you should be putting at least as much thought and concern and action into protecting yourself from the actions of people who are, despite what you say, UTTERLY BLUUDY STUPID!

marksoton

ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »

There's plenty of ways she could have given them the money without a bank transfer. She gave it willingly, for the sake of the grandchildren, as far as she is concerned. And she is of sound mind. They haven't "managed to carry" anything off. She's been an idiot.

I don't have my parents online A/C details to withdraw.. Why would i ?

That in itself implies something.

I don't doubt "idiocy" in many cases here.

deFoix

Dear OP.

I would strongly adivse you and your MiL to seek help from a family mediation charity.

Mediation can and does work wonders regarding family disputes like this if handled by experienced professionals. I'm not saying it will but certainly something I'd be looking into.

Regards.

Derboy

Just an off-the-wall thought that I havent noticed being raised yet...

How do you know that your MIL is telling you the whole truth?

deFoix

And also from the point of an outside observer there seems to be a lot of talk of 'smokescreen' and other wishywashy statements in the thread etc; not so much hard facts.

First thing I would be doing is establishing the facts:
- how much exactly did MiL give over what period of time?
- where are the transaction records?
- who said what, when and to whom regarding MiL accommodation arrangements and house extension?
- what exactly was MiL intention when handing the money over?
etc
etc

Sorry to sound critical of a difficult situation but...

Yorkshire_Midge

@Paddys Mum - I reiterate, the one thing these two are certainly not is stupid. These are ostensibly, respectable and friendly members of the community, and if you met them, you'd think what a lovely family they are. It takes a particular level of deviousness, lying and manipulation to keep that impression up for so long. As I made clear on the very first post, we can barely touch them legally.


You're all worried about them getting to the rest of the money before MiL locks them out of the account. I'm not that worried - they wouldn't dare touch it illegally. The mere fact I'm involved now will frighten and unnerve them as I'm the one they can't bully no matter how hard they try.


The reason husband will have gone so quiet from his vicious tirade on a couple of women the other night, is he didn't initially realise I was even there, let alone listening to every single expletive and insult, until it was too late. That's also why I wasn't as concerned as you might expect by MiL deciding she was going back there the same evening and tough it out. I knew he'd be sat there kicking himself that he'd done it right in front of me, and bricking himself wondering what I was going to do next. Trust me when I say he won't be having a restful holiday.


@Derboy - MiL is telling the truth as I was there to witness the terrible way she was treated. I knew then she wouldn't tolerate it any longer. No-one in their right mind would.


@Boley - take a bit more than mediation I think! We're on the case on the finances. As I've already said, the smokescreen to keep us out the way is irrelevant as MiL would still have done the same daft thing had it not been there.

deFoix

Yorkshire_Midge wrote: »

@
@Boley - take a bit more than mediation I think! We're on the case on the finances. As I've already said, the smokescreen to keep us out the way is irrelevant as MiL would still have done the same daft thing had it not been there.

I'm not so sure and I wouldn't dismiss it out of hand. Professional mediators deal with this kind of thing day in day out and often can lead to some sort of amicable resolution. Just an idea worth considering as well as the DIY approach.