Wedding invite dilemma

lush_walrus

its a personal choice really. Weirdly I can't remember any of our friends blocking children from their weddings. It could be I just didn't notice pre having children ourselves.

We had children at ours, it didn't really cross our minds not to. Those who didn't want to take them had the option not to and those who did want them brought them. We wanted the choice to be theirs not ours.

A wedding we attended recently was so open to children that they even included a trip to a wildlife park in the middle of it to fill the normally dullest part of the day between the service and evening party. It was a wonderful idea, everyone had a fantastic time. They do not have children themselves but realised that most of their friends and some family did and wanted all to be comfortable and having fun.

Each to their own, I wouldn't take offence if our children were not invited it's not our choice but equally we would probably not go to the wedding. We both work long hours and therefore weekends are precious to us and we cherish weekends together all of us, I wouldn't want to miss one with them to see anyone get married.

lulu_92

One of my best friends is getting married the day before my due date. Luckily with me having twins I will have had the babies by then (the youngest they'll be is three weeks old, depending on when I pop!). My friend has been very open about the babies being welcome, but OH and I have made an agreement that I will go to the ceremony and he will join us for the reception (very local wedding).

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I think adults forget how excruciatingly boring your average wedding is for children. It's a very long day, with an awful lot of waiting around, sitting still and being quiet on demand, with the grown-ups droning on about stuff they're not remotely interested in. I was a bridesmaid when I was 9 and all I remember is how disappointingly dull it was (being a tomboy forced into a pink flouncy puffed sleeved monstrosity didn't help!); I'd been sold it as a "special, magical day" and I'd much rather have been rollerskating with my mates or reading a book.

Lunar_Eclipse

I would invite children, but it's very common not to invite children to weddings, with or without a couple of exceptions.

I do however think it's a shame that you can't go with your husband. You mention grandparents living too far away, so how about a regular babysitter, or overnight with a friend/neighbour? Or could grandparents come for the weekend, or you take the children to them overnight?

Edit: I also agree that we can't know for sure that the groom would like children present and that the bride does not. It could be a cover excuse. But also, if we're honest, brides do typically have more say over the wedding day than grooms. I don't think it's necessarily a cause for pitying the grooms-to-be; they typically don't 'care' as much about the details in my experience. (And it's a good thing - rational thinking tells me it all doesn't matter a jot!) What is it about weddings and children that can make people lose their minds? ��

NotBothered

I am not a lover of children! I made the decision not to have any of my own, but did marry a man who had 2 from his previous marriage.

I wasnt keen on having kids at my wedding, but it was his day too, so of course could not exclude his children. He also had relatives with children. In total there were 6 children that HAD to be included as they were immediate family and to exclude them would have meant the parents not being able to attend and we definitely wanted them there.

One night I was chatting to an acquaintance in a local pub and mentioned that I was worried about the kids getting bored and spoiling the day for not just me but for their parents and she casually threw in that she was quite often hired for events such as these (she is a qualified pre-school nurse) to be a "paid" guest to look after the children!

It was perfect! I paid her £50 for the day and of course an extra dinner and arranged my Table Plan so that all of the children were sat at one table with her and when they got bored she pulled out colouring books, disposable cameras and took them outside to burn off energy where appropriate.

It certainly worked for me and was definitely worth the extra cash to ensure I kept the peace with the family members, and that my day wasnt spoiled by having to glare at children for misbehaving! : -0

duchy

I don't understand why the OP is so angry.

It's not her best friend getting married -it's her OH's and despite this "best" friendship she has never met the bride-which frankly sounds odd.

In this situation I think she should be grateful she got an invitation for herself. As for telling the groom he should put his foot down with his fiancee.......It's none of her business and she's overstepping bigtime.

DavidF

Something else going on behind the scene here. Op has not met her husbands best friend's intended wife (assuming this is not a short relationship then marriage), I mean "best mate"....I know my oh best friends ALL checked me out for "suitability" purposes lol and I know ALL my close friends checked her out for similar reasons...As for my best mate - most definitely this extended to each others partners whenever we both had relationships if longer than a week lol....
I don't want to add upset so im not going to say much more. I do know me and my mates are all "lad's" at heart and would all have vetoed kids at our weddings and apportioned blame wherever we thought it would cause least offence and hassle.....It is a bloke thing and we mean no offence lol.....Honest.

pickledonionspaceraider

MrsSippi wrote: »

Sorry, need to vent a bit......

My DH's best friend is getting married in a few months and although we haven't had an official invite yet he has invited us and our 2 kids (aged 1 and 5) and we were looking forward to it. At the weekend however he told us that his fiance doesn't want any children there except for their nieces and nephews (4 in total). He said that he does want our kids there as he is very fond of them etc but his fiance doesn't. I said (diplomatically I think) that if he does want children there (bearing in mind we are in our 20s and 30s there will be quite a few guests with children) then they need to discuss it and maybe compromise on kids at wedding but not the reception or vice versa but apparently she is adamant.

We have never met his fiance (always had our invites to dinner or to meet up etc turned down) and after this I'm not sure i want to but I am really angry about it. If he didn't want kids there either I could understand but he is really upset about it and it seems like it's her way or no way. I then had to tell him (nicely) that I'm really sorry but if the children can't come then I won't be able to come as we don't have anyone who can babysit (all grandparents live miles away) which he said he understood but was quite disappointed about. Obviously DH will go on his own which he's not happy about.

Did I handle this the right way? I'm not happy with the way it's been left but not sure what else to do. I am really furious with her attitude and quite frankly I'm not sure I want to go to the wedding now anyway but I did want to go for him if that makes sense.

You really do not have a right to try and make a complete strangers wedding day about you....You have met the groom, but clearly aren't all that close, as you have't even met the woman he intends to marry which is strange.

Yet you seem to think they should alter their wedding day arrangements to make you more comfortable

Two words = self entitlement

Stay at home and stew if you desire, the only persons you will make miserable is your OH and yourself.

People are genuinely allowed to do whatever the heck they want for their own wedding - unless of course OP, you are funding the wedding and then I think you insist on having your own way, on their (a strangers) special day

Anatidaephobia

DavidF wrote: »

Something else going on behind the scene here. Op has not met her husbands best friend's intended wife (assuming this is not a short relationship then marriage), I mean "best mate"....I know my oh best friends ALL checked me out for "suitability" purposes lol and I know ALL my close friends checked her out for similar reasons...As for my best mate - most definitely this extended to each others partners whenever we both had relationships if longer than a week lol....

While I agree that it is possibly a bit unusual that the OP hasn't met her husband's best friend's fiancee, especially now she is to be invited to the wedding; I can also imagine plenty of perfectly good reasons for their paths to have never crossed before.

We already know there are babysitting issues. Maybe the OP doesn't normally accompany her husband when he meets up with her friend; maybe work shifts/business travel or childcare prevents the couples from going on double dates; maybe they don't even live near each other. As you say, maybe the relationship is relatively new. None of these things are particularly weird.

Mojisola

MrsSippi wrote: »

We have never met his fiance (always had our invites to dinner or to meet up etc turned down)

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

While I agree that it is possibly a bit unusual that the OP hasn't met her husband's best friend's fiancee, especially now she is to be invited to the wedding; I can also imagine plenty of perfectly good reasons for their paths to have never crossed before.

It seems that the wife-to-be doesn't want to make friends.