Wedding invite dilemma

Jagraf

Person_one wrote: »

It is of course completely up to the couple if they gave children there, but why the assumption that children automatically won't behave?

I've been to some lovely child free weddings, and also to lots of lovely ones with lots of kids invited.

I think it's generally stressful for the parents of babies and toddlers because they are busy looking after the chikdren and missing the point of being there. Certainly it's not about children misbehaving but their normal desire is to run around being inquisitive. That means parents concentrate on their children and miss the service / speeches / need to leave early.

Peter333

hazyjo wrote: »

He probably presumed and said it before consulting her. If she's in charge of numbers, he'd probably not even considered it. It's bloody expensive to have everyone you want at a wedding! Compromises are often made. Also, it's possible he put the blame on her once he realised how much they'd cost!

Well even if this is so, he has now said that he wants his best friend's children there. If she was any kind of a decent person, she would adhere to his wishes. I bet she is making sure everyone SHE wants at the wedding is there.

If I were the OP, I would not go.

Then again, it appears she has already made this decision.

Sounds like the future wife has a 'my way or the highway attitude!' I would much rather have a wife who treats me as an equal; not be a second class citizen in my own marriage.

Jagraf

Peter333 wrote: »

Well even if this is so, he has now said that he wants his best friend's children there. If she was any kind of a decent person, she would adhere to his wishes. I bet she is making sure everyone SHE wants at the wedding is there.

If I were the OP, I would not go.

Then again, it appears she has already made this decision.

Sounds like the future wife has a 'my way or the highway attitude?'

I'm tending to think it's more the other way around - or they have realised they can't have lots of children there financially, and he's embarrassed at their joint decision. I wouldn't want to see him squirming to be honest and would stay neutral and keep the peace for the sake of the friendship.

Peter333

[QUOTE=Jagraf;70357644]I'm tending to think it's more the other way around - or they have realised they can't have lots of children there financially, and he's embarrassed at their joint decision. I wouldn't want to see him squirming to be honest and would stay neutral and keep the peace for the sake of the friendship.[/QUOTE]

I doubt it. Sounds like Missy calls the shots.

peachyprice

Peter333 wrote: »

Well even if this is so, he has now said that he wants his best friend's children there. If she was any kind of a decent person, she would adhere to his wishes. I bet she is making sure everyone SHE wants at the wedding is there.

If I were the OP, I would not go.

Then again, it appears she has already made this decision.

Sounds like the future wife has a 'my way or the highway attitude!' I would much rather have a wife who treats me as an equal; not be a second class citizen in my own marriage.

Peter333 wrote: »

I doubt it. Sounds like Missy calls the shots.

All this vitriol when there is not one quote from a direct conversation between the OP and the bride on this thread?

(Text removed by MSE Forum Team)

sheramber

When my nephew got married the bride said no babies. She had been married and there had been babies at the the wedding. This had caused disruption throughout the meal due to babies needing fed, changed etc.

One cousin took umbrage that her months' old grandchild couldn't come and as a result neither her nor her son and daughter and their families came to the wedding.

My son and dil had a baby of similar age and at my dil was put out about it but did arrange for a babysitter- not easy when family were all the wedding and due to circumstances I won't go into only a few people were able to care for the baby.

However, at the reception she did remark that she could see that it was not really an occasion for a baby and was glad he wasn't there.

The groom's brother accepted the decision and similarly didn't bring his baby . His wife left the reception early with their toddler.

fairy_lights

Peter333 wrote: »

Sounds like the future wife has a 'my way or the highway attitude!' I would much rather have a wife who treats me as an equal; not be a second class citizen in my own marriage.

Or maybe they had already agreed no to have children at the wedding, and the bride realises they can't now change their minds and let the OP take her kids without either having to let other guests take their kids too, or offending a lot of guests who can't.
Maybe she has a better understanding of how much each guest costs the wedding and is being more realistic about the practicalities of inviting kids.
I think it's a pretty big leap to assume she treats the groom as a second class citizen on the basis of not wanting to have kids at the wedding.

Jagraf

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Weddings are about two people, and neither of them is you or your children. It's their day, and they are entitled to invite who they want. If there is disagreement between them about the guest list then that is a matter for them, not for you.

Weddings cause so much drama, every time I read a topic about them I become more determined that should I meet someone I want to be married to, I will insist on eloping!

Yes you should elope. It's the best way to avoid the opinions of others when not even asked for.

PasturesNew

Person_one wrote: »

So they could have invited the people they wanted anyway, the result would have been the same. Shame.

Well, there were just 3 sets of cousins really - so you couldn't secretly invite any you wanted and, actually, the others weren't much better. Also, the reception was a small room, probably not much bigger than 20' square, so no room for many people.

It was tables round the outside and people mostly standing in the middle.

This was in the 70s, when people didn't put on an extravaganza.

74jax

I think he got carried away at the start, invited kids then realised they didn't want them there. If I was the bride I'd make it his place to tell them too, it was his fault.

If she got her way we would all call her, if he got his way we'd all call him. To be honest it makes no difference.

I believe they both decided this and it was his place to give the right information.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Let your hubby go and you stay at home. To me ours not a big deal.