Wedding invite dilemma

ScotinLondon

We had my nieces & nephews at our wedding, (OH only child) and they were well behaved for the wedding itself and during the wedding breakfast. There was no problem at all, in fact, fun was had by all during the whole day.

Each to their own I guess.

haras_nosirrah

Took my then 2 year old to my cousins wedding

My husband spent the whole service outside as my son wanted to run up and down the aisle

I spent most of the meal outside as he didn't want to sit and eat but wanted to get down and run around and there was no highchair to stop him

Husband missed most of evening reception as son was being a pain playing with doors and had a tantrum when trying to stop him

Won't take him to another wedding till he is old enough to enjoy it and act reasonably. Maybe about 7 or 8

Torry_Quine

Jagraf wrote: »

During my wedding photos my sister in law (ex) thought it appropriate that her toddler daughter (my neice) run around with my bouquet, pulling off the petals. She thought this so funny that she even took her own snapshots.

I don't know why parents want to take little ones - they are either left to run around wild or if looked after properly it usually means they miss the service trying to keep the children quiet.

Some children know how to behave at weddings and don't run around or have to be taken out of the service. It is possible for children to sit quietly.

haras_nosirrah

Not mine. Was first and last wedding I will take him to for a while. Love my son but even I can accept that he can be a pain when tired or bored. Took sticker books but of no interest to him. He is a very active child and can be difficult to stop from following his own agenda as has some ocd type tendencies (will happily spend an hour going round and around electric doors at our local leisure centre )

PasturesNew

Often, too, the bride/groom are trying to avoid inviting one SPECIFIC set of troublesome brats - and the only way they can stand a chance of getting away with it is to ban them all. It'd be difficult for them to say "... and X children of the groom's friend (even though we don't see him often) ... " when they've just told Uncle Bob his kids can't go.

We had that at a family wedding - a family so broken/feral and wild that the only way to stop them coming was to ban all children as they were cousins. For some really bad families you have to do it this way. They still forever hated us all though, never did speak after that. Not our loss, that was a bit of a bonus really.

Person_one

Jagraf wrote: »

During my wedding photos my sister in law (ex) thought it appropriate that her toddler daughter (my neice) run around with my bouquet, pulling off the petals. She thought this so funny that she even took her own snapshots.

I don't know why parents want to take little ones - they are either left to run around wild or if looked after properly it usually means they miss the service trying to keep the children quiet.

It is of course completely up to the couple if they gave children there, but why the assumption that children automatically won't behave?

I've been to some lovely child free weddings, and also to lots of lovely ones with lots of kids invited.

hazyjo

Haven't read all the comments...


I've been married twice. Not many kids came to the first, none for the second apart from my nieces/nephew. My 2nd husband was a primary school teacher. His worst nightmare was kids at the wedding - he could cope with them in a classroom every day (just!), but the thought of them skidding up and down the dancefloor gave him cold sweats. I don't actually remember friends bringing their kids to my first wedding actually, but know my nieces and some family kids were there. Friends were grateful to get out without them for a night. As others have said, the cost is a major one too. We were very limited on numbers (at both weddings) - as most people are - and couldn't possibly fit everyone's kids in too.


It's the bride & groom's big day so ENTIRELY up to them what sort of wedding they want. If you don't want to go because you can't take your kids to what I presume is a local wedding, I do think it's sad. Do you not ever use a babysitter other than grandparents? What do you usually do if the grandparents are miles away? NEVER go out without your kids?! You have a few months to find someone or arrange for family to stay. Sounds like sour grapes to decline an invite. None of my friends took offence (that I know of!).


I like an adult environment. It's something people with kids
often don't understand, or misinterpret. I hate it when I'm out with a few friends and all they talk about is their kids (or worse still (and more common), other people's kids). I also hate being mid-sentence with someone when they have to run off to stop little 'whoever' from doing something, or to console a screaming child. No thanks. As a wedding host, I'm paying for that - and I choose not to pay for people's kids. My prerogative, not my guests'.


Jx

Rev

pigpen wrote: »

I hate this new thing of not having children.. like they are second class citizens and not fit to be allowed in public.. how are they supposed to become civilised beings if they have to be kept at home?

Sorry but why should some other couple agree to invite children to their wedding so they can become civilised human beings. If your decide to have kids then it's nobodies job but yours to make sure they become civilised beings.

The majority of kids I meet I don't like. They're damanding little noise makers who's parents seem to think that EVERYONE must revolve their world around their little darlings (to be fair it's the parents attitude about their kids that annoys me, not so much the kids themselves).

And if I were to get married I wouldn't invite kids either. If their parents had an issue with that I quite frankly wouldn't give a flying toss.

It's not my job to deal with other people's kids or arrange my special occasions around them.

Person_one

PasturesNew wrote: »

Often, too, the bride/groom are trying to avoid inviting one SPECIFIC set of troublesome brats - and the only way they can stand a chance of getting away with it is to ban them all. It'd be difficult for them to say "... and X children of the groom's friend (even though we don't see him often) ... " when they've just told Uncle Bob his kids can't go.

We had that at a family wedding - a family so broken/feral and wild that the only way to stop them coming was to ban all children as they were cousins. For some really bad families you have to do it this way. They still forever hated us all though, never did speak after that. Not our loss, that was a bit of a bonus really.

So they could have invited the people they wanted anyway, the result would have been the same. Shame.

pigpen

Rev wrote: »

Sorry but why should some other couple agree to invite children to their wedding so they can become civilised human beings. If your decide to have kids then it's nobodies job but yours to make sure they become civilised beings.

The majority of kids I meet I don't like. They're damanding little noise makers who's parents seem to think that EVERYONE must revolve their world around their little darlings (to be fair it's the parents attitude about their kids that annoys me, not so much the kids themselves).

And if I were to get married I wouldn't invite kids either. If their parents had an issue with that I quite frankly wouldn't give a flying toss.

It's not my job to deal with other people's kids or arrange my special occasions around them.

Well if you had children you would know how much they are hated by society as a whole .. if you listened to all the whining you'd never take them out of the house.. wherever they are taken people whine about them like they were never children and born at 35.. in order to become civilised members of society they need to experience life outside such as social gatherings, meals out etc..

I think the issue for the OP is they WERE verbally invited and then uninvited.. you look forward to it and then told you can't go it is really disappointing.


Weddings are about joining families and children are a part of a family.. or at least they always have been in my family.. I cant think of any time they have been excluded from anything... it is an alien concept to me.

I don't much care for other peoples children but I realise they are part of the deal sometimes. Often the parents are the ones that need excluding because they allow their children to run wild..

When OHs sister got married I made him go sit at the front with his family and parents and I sat at the back with our 6 week old baby and my 2 oldest girls who were 12 and 15.. she wasnt going to run wild but if she suddenly decided to be hysterical I could remove her without too much disturbance.. another couple had a 4 day old baby and they did the same.. the smalls were included and the parents respectful.. that is how it should be. I believe there were about 10 under 7 or 8 and they were not a bit of bother.. clearly we come from civilised families hahaha... Its the adults in my family that are naughty the children are all lovely.