Wedding invite dilemma

Mojisola

pigpen wrote: »

lol.. thats not rude.. I am an expert at rude! But I think it is important to tell them why you wouldnt be going.. without any room for misinterpretation..

If you don't think it's rude, maybe your settings for 'rude' and 'not rude' are set at different levels to mine.

I don't understand why you have to tell them in a snotty way - that's just being passive aggressive and wanting to upset the bride.

MrsSippi

Thanks for all the replies. I've had a text from DH's best mate today who has said again he's sorry about the no kids thing as he would have liked our girls there. I called him and said (without an attitude or anything) that is fine and I understand it can be tricky juggling guests etc at weddings. I've also said I'm sorry that I won't be able to attend but that I hope he has a lovely day. Just to be clear when I suggested having kids at either the wedding or reception thing, it was in response to him saying that he didn't know how to get around the fact that he wanted kids there but she doesn't - it wasn't me telling him what to do.

I think it is a shame that they can't agree on this but thankfully it is not my battle so I am just leaving it alone.

FBaby

It sounds very much like it was his decision too but much easier to pretend it was hers only when confronted with having to let close people down! My OH is very good too at blaming me for turning down invits (as in I don't feel well etc...) when he doesn't want to go either!

We too decided to go for a 'no children' wedding but very close family members. The main reason was as haras, doing so would have meant having to say no to adults we wanted there due to numbers, the other being that I wasn't prepared to pay £30 for a meal for a kid who would probably moan the entire time that they wanted fish and chips, and also because frankly, children like to be the centre of attention (and rightly so) and I didn't want our wedding to be distracted by them.

In our case, we actually got thank you for that decision because it meant they had a good excuse to ask family/friends to look after the kids without guilt and enjoy a free evening not having to worry about what their kids were up to, arguing between themselves who should look after them etc...

I did have one friend who couldn't find a babysitter and so came with her daughter, that was fine. None of the other parents had an issue with it.

If you really can't arrange a family member to help with so many months in advance (ie. parents come and stay over for the week-end), then as you've said, you are not that bothered going anyway, so surely it isn't an issue that your OH goes on his own?

afooksy

pigpen wrote: »

I hate this new thing of not having children.. like they are second class citizens and not fit to be allowed in public.. how are they supposed to become civilised beings if they have to be kept at home

I wouldnt go if my children werent invited either.. we have a wedding do in May.. I'm not going because it will have drunken adults and I dont want children around drunk people.. I dont want to dump them on people either.. the bride is quite upset because only OH is going but tough.. we were initially invited to the wedding and reception but they changed their minds so now only OH is going.

I find what your saying a bit contradicting... you say you hate children not being allowed to events but then also say you won't take your children anyway as it means being around drunk adults?
Adults drink at weddings, its a celebration.. You can't have it both ways and expect your children to be invited to an adult-orientated event but then have people act differently just because kids are there.

pigpen

Jagraf wrote: »

if everyone was too honest it would be a disaster - some kids aren't invited to weddings because they're a nightmare - can you imagine explaining that on an invite!

it wouldn't be on an invite would it? it would be the RSVP...

But yes, I have not gone places because my 4 year old is a nightmare (she goes rather wild in new places and is being assessed for behavioural issues) and if she went she would spoil everyones time there.. but that is my choice to judge whether she, and we, could cope. I have declined invites saying I couldn't bring her because she would be dreadful and it wouldn't be fair.. I am not under some illusion that all children come with halo's and wings.. nor do I expect other people to like my children just because I do!

Not everyone can find a baby sitter.. it simply isn't that easy.

TBH if I were to get married it would be me, OH and our girls.. I wouldn't want anyone there at all.. possibly why we are not getting married.

Homeownertobe

How on earth have you never met his fiance if he's your husband's best friend?! That would set alarm bells ringing for me anyway.

tatabubbly

I've been invited to a wedding in December, my baby will be about 4 months then and I'm still not taking her (even though the bride to be said to take the baby).

Weddings are long days and frankly probably exceptionally boring to most children. Only baby at my wedding was my niece and OH nieces and nephews (all over 7). Only reason they enjoyed the day is cos we bought them Lego to keep em quiet!

Jagraf

tatabubbly wrote: »

I've been invited to a wedding in December, my baby will be about 4 months then and I'm still not taking her (even though the bride to be said to take the baby).

Weddings are long days and frankly probably exceptionally boring to most children. Only baby at my wedding was my niece and OH nieces and nephews (all over 7). Only reason they enjoyed the day is cos we bought them Lego to keep em quiet!

Very valid point. Children are usually bored at weddings anyway - but it's not about the children, or the bride and groom you know, it's about the parents

pigpen

Homeownertobe wrote: »

You seem to be taking this very personally. Would you actually expect your entire brood of nine children to be hosted by any wedding you're invited to?

That's a large bill to lump someone with, especially when they're not backed by tens of million taxpayers.;)

11 actually..

!!!!!! do taxpayers have to do with anything?? As far as I'm aware the only wedding they paid for is that royal farce a few years back!

It depends on who they are that are getting married.. but what is the cut off?? is a 24 year old classed as a child because they are your offspring along side their 2 year old sibling??

tatabubbly

Jagraf wrote: »

Very valid point. Children are usually bored at weddings anyway - but it's not about the children, or the bride and groom you know, it's about the parents

All the parents I know had a good day and my sis in law and bro in law were delighted that we had thought of something to keep their little ones amused.

It is more of an adult day - it always has been in my household anyways. My sister gets married in June and it's the same at hers - no kids except those in bridal party (two nieces) and her step daughter. I don't see anything wrong with this!