Wedding invite dilemma

picklekin

I only had 2 children (my niece and nephew) at my small wedding, and because I loved them I suppose it was OK, but they ran about causing all sorts of havoc during the ceremony, everyone was looking at them and not at me and my husband. I can understand why someone wouldn't want lots of kids at what is an adult occasion (by which I mean they were bored, most children don't naturally enjoy sitting still and quiet for such an event).

I don't think its as bad at the reception though, but I think it is indeed the hosts choice.

I also find it odd that you can't plan to find a sitter for them as you have plenty of time to find someone.

onomatopoeia99

MrsSippi wrote: »

I'm not happy with the way it's been left but not sure what else to do. I am really furious with her attitude and quite frankly I'm not sure I want to go to the wedding now anyway but I did want to go for him if that makes sense.

Weddings are about two people, and neither of them is you or your children. It's their day, and they are entitled to invite who they want. If there is disagreement between them about the guest list then that is a matter for them, not for you.

Weddings cause so much drama, every time I read a topic about them I become more determined that should I meet someone I want to be married to, I will insist on eloping!

Georgiegirl256

MrsSippi wrote: »

Did I handle this the right way? I'm not happy with the way it's been left but not sure what else to do. I am really furious with her attitude and quite frankly I'm not sure I want to go to the wedding now anyway but I did want to go for him if that makes sense.

Did you handle it the right way? Yes, you handled it by telling the truth, you can't go because you can't get a baby sitter. Or, are you just using that as an excuse? Cutting your nose off to spite your face?

Furious with her attitude though? Why? You should respect her decision and not throw your toys out of the pram. You may not agree with the decision, but it doesn't matter if you think it's right or wrong, it's what she wants. Her fianc! might not agree with it, but he's going along with it, and so, there's nothing you can do about it. Or maybe he does, but is passing the blame on to her.

He shouldn't have invited everyone without talking with her about it tbh.

Peter333

I must say people are MASSIVELY missing the point here. If people don't want to invite kids to their wedding, then that's their choice, but the OP said the groom WANTS her kids there, and the bride DOESN'T. So basically, it's what SHE wants that takes priority apparently.

I'd be considering calling the wedding off if it were me; bossy demanding little moo. Imagine what she is going to be like after a few years as a wife?! Not allowing her husband's best friend's children to THEIR wedding. It's his wedding too! What a madam!

And FWIW, I don't think insisting on coming to an 18th birthday party - just because my 17 y.o. son is invited - is QUITE the same as being invited to a wedding, and the kids being left out. What a silly comparison!

hazyjo

I just don't understand why parents WANT their children there at a wedding (or, even if I did get why they want them there, why they would take offence at them not being wanted there by the bride & groom). Okay, at a big family meal, or a street party, or a day event, celebrations - birthday parties, etc, a Christmas fayre, a holiday, whatever, there are LOADS of things they can go along to... but at a wedding where you're there all day and evening (sometimes just the latter even) - I don't get why these couples with kids don't ever want to go along to something without them. It's like the kids come along and they are JUST a family, no longer a couple. Surely it's important still. I've heard it cited as reasons for broken marriages. Don't these couples EVER go out without their kids? When IS it appropriate then, if not at a wedding?


I used to love babysitting and the kids adored me - I used to get invited to many a child's party lol. Is it really only grandparents who do it now? Surely not.




Jx

sillygoose

pigpen wrote: »

Well if you had children you would know how much they are hated by society as a whole .. if you listened to all the whining you'd never take them out of the house.. wherever they are taken people whine about them like they were never children and born at 35.. in order to become civilised members of society they need to experience life outside such as social gatherings, meals out etc..

I think the issue for the OP is they WERE verbally invited and then uninvited.. you look forward to it and then told you can't go it is really disappointing.


Weddings are about joining families and children are a part of a family.. or at least they always have been in my family.. I cant think of any time they have been excluded from anything... it is an alien concept to me.

I don't much care for other peoples children but I realise they are part of the deal sometimes. Often the parents are the ones that need excluding because they allow their children to run wild..

When OHs sister got married I made him go sit at the front with his family and parents and I sat at the back with our 6 week old baby and my 2 oldest girls who were 12 and 15.. she wasnt going to run wild but if she suddenly decided to be hysterical I could remove her without too much disturbance.. another couple had a 4 day old baby and they did the same.. the smalls were included and the parents respectful.. that is how it should be. I believe there were about 10 under 7 or 8 and they were not a bit of bother.. clearly we come from civilised families hahaha... Its the adults in my family that are naughty the children are all lovely.

Amen!

I wouldn't even try and plan a wedding (venue etc) that couldn't accommodate all our friends and families, kids, babies and all.

I hear it often its the bride and grooms day and they can have it how they like, and that's fair enough, really it is.

But I make no apologies for not being able to grasp the concept of a day that didn't include all.

Oh and I know weddings are expensive, we had I think 200 at ours but the cake was a gift from an aunt, the reception in a village hall, food was a catered buffet, flowers by a granny with her church ladies, bar was borrowed from a local pub and run by family, entertainment was local barn dance group. It seems today its all about having to limit the numbers as its so costly to have too many sat in some 'posh' hotel at a table covered in bits of paper and eating what is in reality a £3.99 carvery.

FBaby

As an aside I'd say it doesn't bode well that one of the couple wants one thing and the other wants the opposite, and rather than compromise it's 'my way or the highway' kind of thing.

Which is why it is probably not how it is. For all we know, she said that she didn't mind and it's him who said 'no way Jose!'

Once again people get annoyed when their precious little darlings aren't invited to something.

To be fair, I got the feeling that OP isn't annoyed that her children haven't been invited but that she can't go without them as can't get a babysitter.

Often, too, the bride/groom are trying to avoid inviting one SPECIFIC set of troublesome brats - and the only way they can stand a chance of getting away with it is to ban them all. It'd be difficult for them to say "... and X children of the groom's friend (even though we don't see him often) ... " when they've just told Uncle Bob his kids can't go.

Ha ha, so true and that did cross my mind... I was concern about my nephew behaviour (who I hadn't seen since he was a nightmare toddler as lives far away) as according to my parents, he was a troublesome, so was gutted when sister just announced he was coming as no way was she leaving him behind. I got over it as I could understand that she was paying a lot of money to come and it wasn't like leaving him for the night. As it happened, he was an absolute angel and a real pleasure to have. Still no regrets that it was only him, my kids and one other who was also well behaved.

The idea of kid screaming during the reception, the parents trying to appease them becoming even louder than the child themselves, ending up getting up with screaming child to take them out continuing to make a point of telling them off, feeling proud of themselves for making it clear they are not tolerating such bad behaviour would have really got to me!

Georgiegirl256

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

Weddings cause so much drama, every time I read a topic about them I become more determined that should I meet someone I want to be married to, I will insist on eloping!

It's definitely the way to go Ono! No hastle!

hazyjo

Peter333 wrote: »

Only read the first page here, and I must say people are MASSIVELY missing the point here. If people don't want to invite kids to their wedding, then that's their choice, but the OP said the groom WANTS her kids there, and the bride DOESN'T. So basically, it's what SHE wants that takes priority apparently.

I'd be considering calling the wedding off if it were me; bossy demanding little moo. Imagine what she is going to be like after a few years as a wife?! Not allowing her husband's best friend's children to THEIR wedding. It's his wedding too! What a madam!

And FWIW, I don't think insisting on coming to an 18th birthday party - just because my 17 y.o. son is invited - is QUITE the same as being invited to a wedding, and the kids being left out. What a silly comparison!

He probably presumed and said it before consulting her. If she's in charge of numbers, he'd probably not even considered it. It's bloody expensive to have everyone you want at a wedding! Compromises are often made. Also, it's possible he put the blame on her once he realised how much they'd cost!

lazer

pigpen wrote: »

Well if you had children you would know how much they are hated by society as a whole .. if you listened to all the whining you'd never take them out of the house.. wherever they are taken people whine about them like they were never children and born at 35.. in order to become civilised members of society they need to experience life outside such as social gatherings, meals out etc..

I think the issue for the OP is they WERE verbally invited and then uninvited.. you look forward to it and then told you can't go it is really disappointing.


Weddings are about joining families and children are a part of a family.. or at least they always have been in my family.. I cant think of any time they have been excluded from anything... it is an alien concept to me.

I don't much care for other peoples children but I realise they are part of the deal sometimes. Often the parents are the ones that need excluding because they allow their children to run wild..

When OHs sister got married I made him go sit at the front with his family and parents and I sat at the back with our 6 week old baby and my 2 oldest girls who were 12 and 15.. she wasnt going to run wild but if she suddenly decided to be hysterical I could remove her without too much disturbance.. another couple had a 4 day old baby and they did the same.. the smalls were included and the parents respectful.. that is how it should be. I believe there were about 10 under 7 or 8 and they were not a bit of bother.. clearly we come from civilised families hahaha... Its the adults in my family that are naughty the children are all lovely.

In this case the children aren't family, so it is nothing to do with joining families.


If a couple don't want children at their wedding, it is their choice.
They may be many reasons for the choice


1) Too many children, so would limit the number of adults they could invite due to numbers and cost. (If my aunts had invited all their nieces and nephews when they got married there would have been up to 40 children (and that's only one side!)


2) They want to be the centre of attention, which children can be at weddings.


3) Maybe the couple getting married can't have children, or have had a miscarriage in the past etc, and children at the wedding would cause to many painful memories.


4) Maybe the couple's own child will be at the wedding, and they don't want other children their for him/her to get into mischief with


5) Maybe the couples friends have indicated they don't want to bring their children.


In reality, it doesn't matter what the reason is, if the children aren't invited, get a babysitter or don't go, don't make an issue out of it!