Wedding invite dilemma

FBaby

I think it's a pretty big leap to assume she treats the groom as a second class citizen on the basis of not wanting to have kids at the wedding.

And again, that's assuming that he is not using her a scapegoat. Personally, I think he insisted a bit too much about how it was her decision and he would have loved the kids there to ring true!

For all we know, she suggested inviting them, and he told her that the 5yo was an absolute nightmare but he wouldn't be able to say that to his best friend, so she suggested he said it was her decision. What a good wife that will make her

Rev

pigpen wrote: »

Well if you had children you would know how much they are hated by society as a whole .. if you listened to all the whining you'd never take them out of the house.. wherever they are taken people whine about them like they were never children and born at 35.. in order to become civilised members of society they need to experience life outside such as social gatherings, meals out etc..

I'm not talking about public places I'm talking about private parties.

If I'm in a restaurant or on a bus etc and there's kids there then that's obviously perfectly normal. If those kids, say have a melt down I won't bat an eye lid. Anyone who chooses to go to a public place and had issues with children also being there quite frankly needs a slap.

I at no point said I expected children to stay at home.

But if I had a wedding that I was paying for I wouldn't want children there. That's my choice. And I shouldn't be thought in reasonable because of that choice. And I shouldn't be expected to arrange my special occasion around someone else's kids.

The OP's friend clearly doesn't care enough to put his foot down. The OP should be just as angry with him for being a crap friend.

theoretica

MrsSippi wrote: »

I think it is a shame that they can't agree on this but thankfully it is not my battle so I am just leaving it alone.

But it sounds as though they have agreed - on no kids. When two people want different things quite often agreement does mean one person being kind to the other. Just because the person whose ideas match yours was the one to step back doesn't mean they are being walked all over or the choice was wrong.

ALIBOBSY

tatabubbly wrote: »

I've been invited to a wedding in December, my baby will be about 4 months then and I'm still not taking her (even though the bride to be said to take the baby).

Weddings are long days and frankly probably exceptionally boring to most children. Only baby at my wedding was my niece and OH nieces and nephews (all over 7). Only reason they enjoyed the day is cos we bought them Lego to keep em quiet!

All of my babies were breastfed so I couldn't have gone to a wedding without them at that age, mind you I wouldn't have wanted to. I did sometimes leave them with OH or my mum with some expressed milk or between feeds but never for very long. But then I loved (and still love) being a mum and having 4 means even now they are older its hard to get baby sitters. Being self employed we take the odd day in the week to go out together, either catching a lunch together or nipping to the cinema in the morning. We are both home birds anyway and are happy not to be going out at weekends and the like.


Ali x

peachyprice

ALIBOBSY wrote: »

All of my babies were breastfed so I couldn't have gone to a wedding without them at that age, mind you I wouldn't have wanted to. I did sometimes leave them with OH or my mum with some expressed milk or between feeds but never for very long. But then I loved (and still love) being a mum and having 4 means even now they are older its hard to get baby sitters. Being self employed we take the odd day in the week to go out together, either catching a lunch together or nipping to the cinema in the morning. We are both home birds anyway and are happy not to be going out at weekends and the like.


Ali x

It is possible to love being a mother without having to be permanently tethered to your children

gettingtheresometime

Y
I'm wondering if the real reason the op has taken offence at her daughters not being invited has more to do with the fact her offers of meeting up / dinner have been refused that she's let on.

Almost sounds as if the op is asking the groom to choose who he favours most

selement

Sorry OP but I'm afraid as someone planning a wedding I agree with what quite a few others have said - if theyre saying no kids then that's reasonable! The groom messed up by saying kids could come before being certain it was the plan (my OH has messed up in a similar way - drunkenly promised a mate a plus 1. Ummm no please don't bring some randomer to our wedding! It's different if they are in a serious relationship. Luckily the other person hasn't mentioned it since so hopefully we've got away with it).

I don't have kids so I wouldn't know, but are paid babysitters hard to come by nowadays? Surely not that expensive if the friend is important enough?

Just to note we aren't banning kids at ours but we aren't expecting all that many.... if there would be a lot it might be a different story because its a pity to invite less friends and family because you have to invite kids that wont even get their moneys worth of food etc plus then the parents will leave early so party will be less good....

theoretica

Peter333 wrote: »

I must say people are MASSIVELY missing the point here. If people don't want to invite kids to their wedding, then that's their choice, but the OP said the groom WANTS her kids there, and the bride DOESN'T. So basically, it's what SHE wants that takes priority apparently.

I'd be considering calling the wedding off if it were me; bossy demanding little moo. Imagine what she is going to be like after a few years as a wife?! Not allowing her husband's best friend's children to THEIR wedding. It's his wedding too! What a madam!

So what HE wants should take priority or she is a bossy moo and a madam? Nice.

onlyroz

It's their wedding so they can invite who they like. However, it is perfectly reasonable to say that you can't go without the children and so are declining the invite. Perhaps if enough people turn it down the hosts will change their minds.

Anatidaephobia

Peter333 wrote: »

I must say people are MASSIVELY missing the point here. If people don't want to invite kids to their wedding, then that's their choice, but the OP said the groom WANTS her kids there, and the bride DOESN'T. So basically, it's what SHE wants that takes priority apparently.

I'd be considering calling the wedding off if it were me; bossy demanding little moo. Imagine what she is going to be like after a few years as a wife?! Not allowing her husband's best friend's children to THEIR wedding. It's his wedding too! What a madam!

We don't actually know anything about the bride and groom, their relationship or their decision making methods. We don't even know if the groom does actually want the OP's kids there or not. Maybe he was just trying to be nice, maybe he was being cowardly and blamed his wife, or maybe the OP completely misread the situation. Who knows?

All we know is that the OP thought it was offensive to exclude kids and has since (hopefully) made peace with it.