Wedding invite dilemma

Mojisola

pigpen wrote: »

I'd send a card saying thanks for the invite but as your children are not welcome you cannnot come but hope they have a lovely day .... slightly snotty but truthful!

It may be the couples choice but I dont have to agree

You don't have to be rude, either.

Jagraf

Where else but a wedding would you get an invite and then moan about the plans and ask for them to be changed at the host's expense lol!

TBagpuss

It's none of your business how your husband's friend and his fiancee work things out between themselves so I think your telling him that they need to compromise was rude.

An invitation is just that, an invitation, not a summons. You don't have to give a reason when you decline.

Your friend made a mistake in telling you you were invited before he and his fiancee had finalised the guest list,and a further mistake in then claming his fiancee in talking to you. I understand that it is annoying to find you were given inaccurate information but being "furious with her attitude" seems a massive overreaction. She isn't picking on you or your children, and her difference of opinion with her fiance is, frankily, none of your business.

You and your husband should do whatever you would have done if the mistake hadn't been made - if you get an invitation limired to you and your hsuband, accept, decline or accept for him alone, and then move on.

PasturesNew

It's the age old thing .... people often exclude kids at weddings, for plenty of very good reasons.

You need to smile and accept this with good grace as their choice.

It's unfortunate, but your OH can go alone. It's his friend after all.

Your kids are not the centre of anybody's universe except your own - and to get on in life you have to realise that, for lots of valid reasons, sometimes children are just excluded from place/events.

Torry_Quine

I think its a shame that he verbally invited the family without confirming it but that's almost irrelevant.

As sad as.it is the decision has been made and its not for you to challenge it.

pigpen

Mojisola wrote: »

You don't have to be rude, either.

lol.. thats not rude.. I am an expert at rude! But I think it is important to tell them why you wouldnt be going.. without any room for misinterpretation..

I've missed a fair few events because I didn't think they were suitable environments for children or because children weren't invited.

I'd think they'd be glad.. fewer adults to have as guests if you say you won't have their children you know the parents can't come.. very moneysaving! It should be on every wedding planning cheapskates ideas.. don't invite the children and the adults won't come either!

haras_nosirrah

We had no kids at our wedding

Reason was our venue held a max of 50 people and we counted 22 kids between the adults on the guests list we wanted. (Mostly Dh cousins kids who he has not seen in many many years - one cousin has 7 kids)

The cousins didn't come but that was no big deal as I had only met them once at a funeral and was mainly inviting them to be polite. It made more room for friends we actually wanted there who had been put on the evening list (max 120 in the eve so not such an issue)

Those that were important to us understood and booked a baby sitter. Those who huffed and puffed didn't come - at £50 a head the budget also had to be factored in as well as space

belfastgirl23

Not impressed by the groom dumping all of the blame on the bride here. Even if he didn't agree he should have shown a bit more loyalty to her and put a good face on it and taken responsibility for jumping the gun. In the end he has decided to go along with this decision, which I'm sure has some kind of rationale behind it.

Weddings are difficult enough for everyone and in your shoes I'd step way back and accept this with a good grace. Either it's a deliberate snub or its just a weight of numbers thing - either way you and your DH will come out of it a lot better if you accept it calmly. Unless of course you are ok with the friendship being damaged, possibly beyond repair.

Jagraf

pigpen wrote: »

lol.. thats not rude.. I am an expert at rude! But I think it is important to tell them why you wouldnt be going.. without any room for misinterpretation..

I've missed a fair few events because I didn't think they were suitable environments for children or because children weren't invited.

I'd think they'd be glad.. fewer adults to have as guests if you say you won't have their children you know the parents can't come.. very moneysaving! It should be on every wedding planning cheapskates ideas.. don't invite the children and the adults won't come either!

if everyone was too honest it would be a disaster - some kids aren't invited to weddings because they're a nightmare - can you imagine explaining that on an invite!

afooksy

Some wedding venues charge per head no matter what age the person is so I'd say its more of a cost thing rather than her having an issue with your children specifically. You'll probably find its not just you who's been told their children are no longer invited - the bride could have close friends of her own who have children.


I think you've handled it correctly but its their wedding day not the guests so who they wish to invite is up to them. I don't think its about children being second class citizens but more about costs and the diplomacy of having limited numbers etc and trying to please everyone.