Wedding invite dilemma

seven-day-weekend

I must admit, I find it very difficult to believe that someone can't get a babysitter when they have several months' notice, but if that is their excuse for not coming, sobeit.

Spendless

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I must admit, I find it very difficult to believe that someone can't get a babysitter when they have several months' notice, but if that is their excuse for not coming, sobeit.

I couldn't go to a neighbours daughters wedding the December before last and my children are Secondary school age but weren't old enough to leave overnight alone. The wedding took place mid-week term-time in a different county to where we live. I hadn't got anyone I could ask to have the kids overnight and 'oversee' them to school the following morning. Grandparents either work themselves and/or have health issues. One Aunt was going to the wedding herself, the other Aunt hasn't got the space to have mine overnight as well as her own kids.

If you haven't circumstances where you have people to babysit then it doesn't matter how much notice is given.

Petra_70

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

We had a party for one of our 'milestone' wedding anniversaries. We saidf no children. This was because, as someone said above, if all the children had come, we would not be able to invite all our friends.

The children are not our friends, so they didn't get invited. Simple.

(I don't think anyone took exception, if they did, tough).

If this is the way you treat your friends, then I dread to think how you treat people who are not your friends! :eek:

'You two can come but I don't want yer 'orrible bratty kids, and if you don't like it, just do one!'

Nice.

Thankfully, every wedding we have ever been invited to has welcomed our children. If someone had said we can come but they don't want our children there, and it's TOUGH if we are bothered by it, then we not only would not go to the wedding, but the people in question would no longer be regarded as friends. Not if they were that rude.

Re the comments saying 'how can people not get babysitters with so much notice?' I am guessing they many of them probably could, but decided to not attend something that their children were excluded from. That's fair enough. As someone said earlier, if people shouldn't get snotty when their children are excluded from a wedding, similarly, people should not get snotty if people choose not to come because they said their invited guest's children could not come.

pigpen

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I must admit, I find it very difficult to believe that someone can't get a babysitter when they have several months' notice, but if that is their excuse for not coming, sobeit.

If your family is invited where would you get a baby sitter from???

My partners family live 100 miiles away so they couldn't have them if we would even leave the girls with them.

Who else is there? I wouldn't have a complete stranger look after my children.. so if my mother (who wouldn't have them anyway), sisters (only 1 of the 4 could) and older children were invited or busy what would I do with the littlies?? With 5 years notice I still wouldn't find a baby sitter.. and if I am utterly honest, I don't think I would want to.

If I went to a function just me and OH he would be off doing his social butterfly thing and I would be sat by myself in a corner so I'd be happier not going anyway. I know I am probably in the minority there but I don't dance, rarely drink, don't do 'buffet food' and simply cannot be bothered with 'new people' I find them really draining.

Petra_70

pigpen wrote: »

If your family is invited where would you get a baby sitter from???

My partners family live 100 miiles away so they couldn't have them if we would even leave the girls with them.

Who else is there? I wouldn't have a complete stranger look after my children.. so if my mother (who wouldn't have them anyway), sisters (only 1 of the 4 could) and older children were invited or busy what would I do with the littlies?? With 5 years notice I still wouldn't find a baby sitter.. and if I am utterly honest, I don't think I would want to.

If I went to a function just me and OH he would be off doing his social butterfly thing and I would be sat by myself in a corner so I'd be happier not going anyway. I know I am probably in the minority there but I don't dance, rarely drink, don't do 'buffet food' and simply cannot be bothered with 'new people' I find them really draining.

I don't think you ARE in a minority actually. I think many people feel the same. 20-25 years ago, you couldn't keep me away from parties and BBQs and yoof holidays, and I was up til 5am very often. At LEAST once a week. Now I am in my mid 40s with 2 school age children, I am not so bothered. Yes I enjoy the odd night out and the odd party (with lots of others,) but only 2 or 3 times a year. I prefer to go out with my husband only, or maybe with just one or two friends, or just me and my husband and two children.

And I agree that whilst some people are fortunate enough to have 10 different family members to offload their children onto whilst they gallivant around partying with their mates, not everyone has that luxury. Many people don't have family closeby. And even though they have neighbours/friends/acquaintances, they would not WANT to ask them to look after their children, and in some cases, they would not want to leave their children with them.

There are a very very small amount of people I would have trusted with my children when they were little.

A new-ish neighbour of mine said recently that she was asked to go on a 3 day weekend course from work. When she said she couldn't because there would be no-one to look after her children for 3 full days, they didn't believe her, saying EVERYONE has SOMEONE that could take care of their children for a few days. What if you were taken ill? You AND you husband? She said she would cross that bridge when she came to it.

It was like another person I know had to go bankrupt as they were £50K in debt, and she was diagnosed with a chronic illness and had to quit work. But they had £45K equity in their house. However, despite having it on the market for 2 years, it didn't sell. The loan repayments were getting unmanageable, so she and her husband decided to go bankrupt. She was asked by the council, the CAB, and her bank if they knew someone that could buy her house, saying there must be SOMEONE in her family who could buy her house. She said 'do you not think if I had someone in my family who had £200k to spare, I wouldn't have already approached them to ask for financial help with my debts?!'

It's like everyone who has lots of family they can go stay with every time they have a row with hubby, assumes everyone else has too. Many people have very few people to depend on.

Some people are just daft! Or just don't have any logic.

pigpen

I'd rather stay at home with my knitting and cats!! lol.. WE go to the cinema very occasionally once the children are in bed and the 4 older children are home, or an assortment of them are.. but it is nearly 3 years since we even did that!

None has ever had my children.. the ex-MIL doesn't even know their names, my mother would rather die! it was 1999 (2nd March) last time any of mine stayed away from home with family rather than a sleepover at a friends.

heuchera

Another thing: when is the cut-off point? By "no children" do they mean no under 18s, no under 16s, no under 14s (some 14 year olds look and act quite adult) or no under 12s..

If it's no under 18s would they exclude someone who's 17 and a half, but let their 19 year old sibling go.

amus

heuchera wrote: »

Another thing: when is the cut-off point? By "no children" do they mean no under 18s, no under 16s, no under 14s (some 14 year olds look and act quite adult) or no under 12s..

If it's no under 18s would they exclude someone who's 17 and a half, but let their 19 year old sibling go.

Personally I would say once they are past primary age they aren't at the age where they would 'play up' so to speak. But even then I suppose it just depends on the budget of those getting married/whether they have the space to accommodate the offspring of guests. I see what you're saying though it does muddy the waters a little if there are siblings of various ages...

Spendless

Actually I don't know why the example I thought of when I couldn't have a babysitter was one from a couple of years ago, as I couldn't go to one last night either -lol. DH went without me to a wedding do, 100 miles away. It only was an evening party as the couple married secretly in Scotland a few weeks ago. Though our children were invited, I couldn't go as our 12yo was in a dancing show and needed picking up at 9pm. My ILs went to the event, my parents are on holiday and my sister only came back from holiday yesterday. DD was already committed to the dancing show when the invite came.

silvercar

heuchera wrote: »

Another thing: when is the cut-off point? By "no children" do they mean no under 18s, no under 16s, no under 14s (some 14 year olds look and act quite adult) or no under 12s..

If it's no under 18s would they exclude someone who's 17 and a half, but let their 19 year old sibling go.

Children are the offspring of the people you are inviting because you want them to be there. Age doesn't come into it, other than "lack of babysitter" not being a good excuse once a certain age is reached.