Wedding invite dilemma

pigpen

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

That makes no sense. You'd refuse to attend if your kids weren't invited. They have been invited but you're not going anyway because there will be people getting drunk? So either way, you'd not go?

Personally, I think it is entirely the decision of the bride and groom and everyone should respect their decision. It is their special day. If you don't like it then don't go - but be polite and respectful in turning down the invitation - not snotty or narky.

I requested no children at my wedding (25 years ago) and someone showed up with a baby. Bloody annoying.

I probably couldn't go regardless.. Unless it was close family.. but it would be nice to be invited and have the choice.

I COULDN'T go if the 3 small children weren't invited.. big difference between couldn't and wouldn't.. I would take them to a day time event but not an evening do .. drunken adults being one reason.. bed times and grumpy tired children being another and OH not being able to have a drink because he would be driving is another.. it isn't as cut and dried as ONE reason.

But if I had been verbally invited then uninvited I would not be happy and the person would know.. its just rude to revoke invitations.. verbal or otherwise. If they weren't invited in the first place then I'd just say thank you but we can't as there is noone to look after the smalls.. it's not snotty it is just stating why we are unable to go and the reason won't change.

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

For those people who can't get babysitters because all of your family are at the wedding.....

We have used Sitters agency before when the kids were young, so we could go out without keep on asking my Mom all the time.

It isn't cheap but they are reliable. The regular sitter we got was brilliant.

http://www.sitters.co.uk/

Not sure about overnight sitting, but a lot of them would do till the early hours if needed.

No.. just no.. Have you seen how many children are beaten and abused by the 'hired help' (sitters, nannies, nursery staff) ??? VERY close family they know and I trust or noone.. I'd rather never go out again than have a complete stranger in my house alone with my children!


I wouldn't invite anyone I had not seen recently or who hadn't bothered seeing me.. that would restrict my family to 15 adults and 12 children.. 7 of whom are mine (4 grandbeasties so if they weren't invited my 2 oldest couldn't come and my niece.. what difference does one more make when you have 11 there already?) ... OH's family would be 8 adults and 2 children.. and maybe 4 of his friends. When I got married 22 years ago I had 125 just of my family!!! :eek: .. all the children were my siblings and my son... had I said 'no children' I couldn't have gone, nor could either of my parents!! Maybe i should have done that with the benefit of hindsight hahaha.

seven-day-weekend

My friends' husband has eight siblings, all of whom have at least one child, most have more.

It was for this reason they did not invite children to their wedding, they would have needed more than twenty extra spaces for children alone. Which would mean they could not invite their friends.

heuchera

Lioness_Twinkletoes wrote: »

I requested no children at my wedding (25 years ago) and someone showed up with a baby. Bloody annoying.

You could have requested 'no pensioners' and then got narked because old aunty Maude came along to keep granny company.

Age discrimination has its problems..

Obviously no-one has a limited amount of money to spend on a wedding, but there's no way I'd be inviting some family members and not others. (Unless of course there's been a massive falling-out and we haven't spoken in years, lol). It's bound to cause upset if cousin Jane is invited but cousin Bill is not.


The way to do it is to not have a stupidly huge lavish wedding, like people are expected to these days. Or to spend hundreds on these silly hen weekends and stag do's. These are a modern thing which puts financial and social pressure on everyone involved, and they're totally unnecessary!


Keep the wedding small (if necessary) and within budget, but make sure you invite both families. People can decide for themselves if their small children would be better off at home in the evening, as it can be a long day for them.


That's my tuppenceworth anyway

SingleSue

Pollycat wrote: »

Do Brits hate children?

I don't hate children.

However, I do dislike the parents who allow their 'little darlings' to treat pubs and restaurants as a creche with no attempt at restraint.

I had 3 of the little darlings so not child unfriendly by any means but I have discovered just recently that other little darlings screaming and running around a restaurant really really annoys me when I am eating, almost like nails running down a chalk board.

Despite mine having their disabilities, they were never allowed to run free around these places when they were small and if they started the screaming ad dabs, I used to take them outside pretty blooming quickly, calm them down and bring them back in, so that we didn't disturb others too much.

Same as in a supermarket, I am convinced that one of these days I am going to be knocked down by unattended children deciding they are on a race track with a trolley, had several almost crashes already!

Pollycat

cashewnut wrote: »

We had no children at our wedding two weeks ago and it was wonderful. Neither of us have nieces or nephews and we just aren't close to our friends' or cousins' children. These children are strangers to us so why would we want them there? Not to mention cost plus not enough space (ceremony and reception venues had a capacity of 60 and we had 50 guests. Guests' children would have added another 16).

Now I empathise more with the post above than the one below:

Petra_70 wrote: »

If this is the way you treat your friends, then I dread to think how you treat people who are not your friends! :eek:

'You two can come but I don't want yer 'orrible bratty kids, and if you don't like it, just do one!'

Nice.

Just because you are friends with a couple doesn't mean you are close to - or even know - their children.

I guess it boils down to the nature of the friendship.

SingleSue

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I must admit, I find it very difficult to believe that someone can't get a babysitter when they have several months' notice, but if that is their excuse for not coming, sobeit.

I couldn't get babysitters for mine for love nor money, I think the prospect of disabled children and the responsibility for that put them off. That said, the prospect of taking said disabled children to weddings or extended family parties was enough to put me off too even if they had been invited! :rotfl:

At our wedding, children were invited as that was what we wanted...the whole family as part of the day but I realise that is not for everyone and price scales have changed a huge amount in the last 26 years (we were charged only a token amount for children).

My brother got around the problem at his wedding 4 years ago, he had the reception at my parent's house with a home made buffet, so no worries about extra place charges for children.

Pollycat

heuchera wrote: »

You could have requested 'no pensioners' and then got narked because old aunty Maude came along to keep granny company.

Someone who takes along another person to a wedding - be it kids or partner or relative - who hasn't been invited is beyond rude.

Littlebettyboop

Pollycat wrote: »

Someone who takes along another person to a wedding - be it kids or partner or relative - who hasn't been invited is beyond rude.

I agree. Some people do do it though!

haras_nosirrah

I don't understand the +1 thing at weddings and why people seem to still expect one. If someone is in an established relationship and we know the partner then they are invited. Why do some people seem to think they should be able to bring a mate with them to someone else's wedding especially if they are family so they know half the guest list anyway. We had a few people asking if they could bring a plus one. I am not paying £50 to feed someone I don't know and it is not as if you will have no one to talk to as your siblings and parents are coming

heuchera

Pollycat wrote: »

Someone who takes along another person to a wedding - be it kids or partner or relative - who hasn't been invited is beyond rude.

Not necessarily. Like Torry said earlier on, she invited the whole family but only put the parents names on the invite, thinking it was self-explanatory that the children were also invited.

As regards my fictitious aunty Maude, was granny expected to sit on her own all day..? People doing the invites need to think about the invitees. Which I'm sure they do!