Wedding invite dilemma

haras_nosirrah

I am assuming that if my granny were coming to my wedding then she will be sitting with the rest of my family E. G my parents, siblings, cousins etc. Granny would know a lot of people at the wedding as they are her family

If fictitious aunty maude turned up to my wedding without me knowing about it she would be sitting in the bar eating a packet of crisps as there would be no food or drink for her nor anywhere to sit

Pollycat

heuchera wrote: »

Not necessarily. Like Torry said earlier on, she invited the whole family but only put the parents names on the invite, thinking it was self-explanatory that the children were also invited.

That may go for kids but not for adults.
For Granny to be the only person named on the invitation and then rock up with Auntie Maud is beyond rude.

heuchera wrote: »

As regards my fictitious aunty Maude, was granny expected to sit on her own all day..? People doing the invites need to think about the invitees. Which I'm sure they do!

If you're sure that people doing the inviting do think about company for other guests then your fictitious Auntie Maud would have been invited.
If she wasn't invited, she had no business going along - even if it was to keep Granny company.
Details like this are things that need to be addressed when the invitations are first received, not on the day of the wedding when table plans have been sorted out and food ordered.

pigpen

My Nanna and my late-nanna would both be more upset that their grandchildren and great-grandchildren weren't there.. they see Auntie whoever whenever as neither have other commitments and go out for lunch twice a week and pop to each others houses for a jolly jaunt but they rarely see the children so would complain quite loudly that they weren't there..

It must be a family thing.. Some wouldn't even think about not inviting them whereas others don't.

Spendless

heuchera wrote: »

Not necessarily. Like Torry said earlier on, she invited the whole family but only put the parents names on the invite, thinking it was self-explanatory that the children were also invited.

As regards my fictitious aunty Maude, was granny expected to sit on her own all day..? People doing the invites need to think about the invitees. Which I'm sure they do!

Which is why I think you put named persons on the invites, but as I said previously, I've had 2 wedding evening invites without kids names on, so not taken them, only to have the bride and groom ask where they were! How are you meant to know people are invited if they aren't named even if it's addressed to Mr and Mrs Spendless and family?

Pollycat

Spendless wrote: »

Which is why I think you put named persons on the invites, but as I said previously, I've had 2 wedding evening invites without kids names on, so not taken them, only to have the bride and groom ask where they were! How are you meant to know people are invited if they aren't named even if it's addressed to Mr and Mrs Spendless and family?

I too think that all invited people - regardless of age - should be named on an invitation.

However, if I received an invitation that just mentioned me & OH (and no kids) I wouldn't assume the kids weren't invited, I'd contact the person who sent the invite to clarify.

Foxriver8

I don't have kids and am not really all that into kids to be honest but we had kids and babies at our wedding and it didn't bother me in the slightest.


I have also been at a lot of weddings where children have not been invited and I think that is absolutely fine. It is the couples wedding, their guest list and they have 100% autonomy over who is invited - I don't understand when people get put out by this; why should this be any different just because it relates to children? Weddings are expensive, head count is often tight, and there are 100 other reasons why people might not want kids there.


If this bride does not want children there, and the groom is going along with it, that's their choice. It is unfortunate that your hubbies friend had invited you all before this was revealed; however, I suspect that if this had been the situation all along you would have accepted it, found a babysitter and gone along with your husband. As I say, it is unfortunate how it has played out, but that is between your husbands friend and his fianc!e.


If I was you, I would arrange a babysitter and go. The woman may well turn out to be a cow but a)you should be there for your husbands friend and b) pick your battles - if she is a horror, you'll find out soon enough. Don't get off on the wrong foot like this, I think if you don't go it is out of spite and that is not a good start. You never know, once you get to know her she might end up being a great friend

Gavin83

I wouldn't invite kids either, I've seen them ruin weddings. The fact I don't want kids myself probably adds to this decision.

However we (currently) have no friends in the family and most close friends don't have children either. The only exception to this would be my best man who is due to have twins shortly. However I'd expect him to respect my decisions, just as I did his when he got married.

In answer to a previous question my cutoff point would be teenagers and older would be OK. Preteens no.

Spendless

Pollycat wrote: »

I too think that all invited people - regardless of age - should be named on an invitation.

However, if I received an invitation that just mentioned me & OH (and no kids) I wouldn't assume the kids weren't invited, I'd contact the person who sent the invite to clarify.

I think I'd feel incredibly awkward asking as though I'm hankering after an invite for my kids and putting the bride and groom on the spot by asking. A bit like the notices you sometimes see in shops 'Please don't ask for credit as refusal often offends'. I feel I'd be embarrassing them.

GwylimT

In the UK anyone can attend a wedding, so guests can only be excluded from the reception.

My sister got married on Friday, I couldn't go as children weren't invited and the venue didn't have disabled access. Speaking to my dad none of our siblings attended, and only one cousin (out of 9 and the only one without children), her maid of honour also couldn't attend as her mother was ill and unable to look after her daughter. They stupidly booked the food etc before getting the rsvps so wasted a considerable amount of money.

Pollycat

Spendless wrote: »

I think I'd feel incredibly awkward asking as though I'm hankering after an invite for my kids and putting the bride and groom on the spot by asking. A bit like the notices you sometimes see in shops 'Please don't ask for credit as refusal often offends'. I feel I'd be embarrassing them.

If you were invited to a wedding I'd have thought that you would know the bride & groom at least a little.

I can't see how it would be embarassing to say 'Thanks for the invitation, we'd love to come. We've noticed that our kids aren't on the invitation so we've assumed they're not invited and so have already arranged a babysitter but we just wanted to make sure.'

GwylimT wrote: »

In the UK anyone can attend a wedding, so guests can only be excluded from the reception.

Does that also apply to private venues?