Wedding invite dilemma

POPPYOSCAR

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I must admit, I find it very difficult to believe that someone can't get a babysitter when they have several months' notice, but if that is their excuse for not coming, sobeit.

That is a bit unfair.


Most people would not want to leave their children with strangers but with people they trust and that may not always be possible for one reason or another.

Spendless

silvercar wrote: »

Children are the offspring of the people you are inviting because you want them to be there. Age doesn't come into it, other than "lack of babysitter" not being a good excuse once a certain age is reached.

What age? If it requires an overnight stay then I think it's recommended that you don't leave an under 16 alone.

My DD is almost 13, but she wasn't allowed to come out of her dance show and make her own way home last night, an adult had to pick her up, so with a lack of suitable adults to help me, I had to forfeit the wedding invite.

POPPYOSCAR

Spendless wrote: »

What age? If it requires an overnight stay then I think it's recommended that you don't leave an under 16 alone.

My DD is almost 13, but she wasn't allowed to come out of her dance show and make her own way home last night, an adult had to pick her up, so with a lack of suitable adults to help me, I had to forfeit the wedding invite.

At my daughter's dance school they are even older than that and not allowed to leave on their own.



I have also had to miss two weddings for similar reasons. One she had a dance exam and the other was a show.


My children are more important to me than a wedding.

haras_nosirrah

Honest query for those who desperately want their children to be invited to the wedding

If the bride and groom said 'we have the space for the children but not the budget therefore your children are welcome but the price is £30 a child to pay for them' would you pay for them to go?

Spendless

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

Honest query for those who desperately want their children to be invited to the wedding

If the bride and groom said 'we have the space for the children but not the budget therefore your children are welcome but the price is £30 a child to pay for them' would you pay for them to go?

If I wanted to attend the wedding and I had the cash available then yes, usually.

The times I haven't gone to a wedding have been due to lack of childcare. I'd have still had to say No, to the one that took place mid-week term time in a different county as the kids would have had to miss 2 days of school to attend.

pigpen

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

Honest query for those who desperately want their children to be invited to the wedding

If the bride and groom said 'we have the space for the children but not the budget therefore your children are welcome but the price is £30 a child to pay for them' would you pay for them to go?

No I wouldn't .. For the 3 smalls that would be £90 that is a weeks food money! I don't like anyone that much! Anyone who knows me well enough to invite me would know that too, so they wouldn't say it.. And if they didn't know me well enough to know that I probably wouldn't be going anyway.

And it doesn't need to cost that much.. The amount spent on weddings is utterly ludicrous.. I'd rather stay at home and get a Chinese takeaway once the smalls were in bed.

chrisybabes

I am currently organising a wedding & invitations have been the hardest thing or wade our way through.

We are allowing children during the day but not to the evening do. However, we have said that if people who live afar have childcare issues then they can bring them.

We have a 14 month old & we just want parents to be able to relax & enjoy the party without worrying where there children are.

But at the end of the day, its the bride & grooms decision who comes & if she doesnt want kids there then thats her decision. If people dont turn up because of that then it wont be much of a party!

haras_nosirrah

pigpen wrote: »

No I wouldn't .. For the 3 smalls that would be £90 that is a weeks food money! I don't like anyone that much! Anyone who knows me well enough to invite me would know that too, so they wouldn't say it.. And if they didn't know me well enough to know that I probably wouldn't be going anyway.

And it doesn't need to cost that much.. The amount spent on weddings is utterly ludicrous.. I'd rather stay at home and get a Chinese takeaway once the smalls were in bed.

Absolutely agree with you but then you have some posters who say it is an insult to not invite their children to the day yet expect the bride and groom to pay for them. Our venue was 30 a head for food plus drinks, evening buffet was 10 a head so probably more like 45 - 50 a head. One cousin was mortally offended that his 6 children we had never met (my husband hasn't seen him in 10 years apart from grandads funeral) were not all invited. As we weren't willing to pay 400 for him, his wife and their brood to attend they didn't come which was fair enough. Our venue had a max day head count of 50 so that was another reason not to invite them but just wondering if those who say children should be invited regardless of the cost (think pig pen has 11 children) would be willing to meet the cost to ensure the children could attend or is it only important to them for their kids to go as long as the bride and groom foot the bill

Darksparkle

My plan was to invite children of those attending all day, so around 10 children, but not those attending in the evening as that would add on approx another 30-40 people. Even if I could afford to invite them all, I'm not sure I would want nearly 50 children there.

Pollycat

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

Absolutely agree with you but then you have some posters who say it is an insult to not invite their children to the day yet expect the bride and groom to pay for them. Our venue was 30 a head for food plus drinks, evening buffet was 10 a head so probably more like 45 - 50 a head. One cousin was mortally offended that his 6 children we had never met (my husband hasn't seen him in 10 years apart from grandads funeral) were not all invited. As we weren't willing to pay 400 for him, his wife and their brood to attend they didn't come which was fair enough. Our venue had a max day head count of 50 so that was another reason not to invite them but just wondering if those who say children should be invited regardless of the cost (think pig pen has 11 children) would be willing to meet the cost to ensure the children could attend or is it only important to them for their kids to go as long as the bride and groom foot the bill

Why would you invite a cousin that you'd not seen for 10 years (apart from a funeral) to your wedding?

When I got married for the first time (at the fairly young age of 20), my OH and I paid for everything including the reception costs - my parents couldn't afford to pay.

My OH's cousin & his wife who we met up with every Saturday night were invited.
The cousin's brother and wife - neither of whom I'd ever met and OH hadn't seen for a few years - weren't invited.
It made sense to us - it wasn't a 'family' thing, it was a 'friend' thing.
The cousin who was invited kicked off to his Mother (the sister of my OH's Mum) and said he wasn't going if his brother wasn't invited.

It ended with us telling him why he and his wife had been invited and rescinding his invitation (he really did create a nasty fuss within the family).
We never spoke to them after that.

Did he think laying the law down about who should be invited to our wedding worth it?
I've no idea but - our money, our choice of guests.