Wedding invite dilemma

Pollycat

heuchera wrote: »

They really do. We're known as a nation who love our dogs more than our children. Seriously.

I've seen far more badly behaved adults than children, - should we ban them from our weddings too? Adults get drunk, lairy and aggressive. 8 year olds don't..

You could ban whoever you like from your wedding.
And invite whoever you like.

I'm sure most other people would do the same.

8 year olds may not get drunk, lairy and agressive but they (and children of other ages) can cause trouble.

A pair of small children play-fighting at a party I recently attended almost knocked my elderly and infirm Mother off her feet as they rolled into her as she was walking past.
It was just lucky that she had her walking stick in one hand and I had a firm grip on her other side.

Torry_Quine

This subject always has and will divide people. There are some very sweepng statements made from all perspectives.

When I married I remember my cousin askng his mum, my auntie if he was invited as the invite was addressed to his parents. My answer was of course, it just hadnt crossed my mind that I needed to name the cousins as it seemed obvious they would come.

heuchera

duchy wrote: »

And that is fine for you - but you have your preferences and other people have theirs. You presumably would NOT expect someone you have never met but who knows your intended to have more input into the guest list than yourself as the bride or groom .

That's not what happened though, is it.



If you bother to read the OP properly.

Ziggazee

I'm getting married in September and we've also made the decision not to have children at our wedding. Various reasons really. One of them being it's just a late wedding ceremony and a huge party.....we're well known for our partying lifestyle so most people will be having a right good drink and we don't feel it's appropriate to have children there. Secondly, my stepsister's children are an absolute nightmare.....they're not parented at all and are completely wild and utterly badly behaved.....we just don't want them there running riot. Three, our own children are now grown up and we have no real close young children in the family.

Most of all, we just don't want children there.....it's our wedding and that's the decision we've come to and people should respect what we want on OUR day.

balletshoes

heuchera wrote: »

That's not what happened though, is it.



If you bother to read the OP properly.

I read it, and the OP's other posts in this thread. Her children are not invited after all.

It doesn't follow that the couple she knows hates children, or even the bride to be hates children.

Some couples won't invite children, some will. Its that simple.

michelle2008

I haven't read through all replies - but my goodness people are judgemental!!

I have to agree with the reasonable people - weddings are expensive - and it is impossible to please everyone.

Bottom line - its an invitation, if you don't want to go you can politely decline. But my goodness, give the poor couple a break! The initial invitation was issued verbally before the practicalities were thought through. If you truly are good friends you would understand.

You haven't even met the bride so I am sure the wedding can't be that big an event for you as a family?

michelle2008

Pollycat wrote: »

It might not be a blanket rule though.
It might just apply to non-family children.

And as 'bridezilla's family are footing the bill, their money, their rules.

Or children the couple aren't close to? Only the groom knows the family - four guests spots is a lot if numbers are tight? I have seen the great wedding guest debate close up - it's tough.

msb5262

This whole issue of children and weddings is a difficult one and there are no simple answers. When I married, there were a few children amongst the guests. When our children were small and our friends were starting to get married, we took turns to spend time outside wedding ceremonies when the children started to cry or make a noise.
When we divorced and my ex remarried, the only children amongst the guests were our children, then aged 12, 10 and 8...I think this was probably rather dull for them as they had no other kids for company!

A close friend of mine didn't have any children at her wedding - we attended minus children - but I was secretly amused to realise that she subsequently became the kind of mother who would be mortally offended if you didn't invite her child to your wedding, however inappropriate an occasion might be for a young child...quite salutary, I think...

Spendless

Torry_Quine wrote: »

This subject always has and will divide people. There are some very sweepng statements made from all perspectives.

When I married I remember my cousin askng his mum, my auntie if he was invited as the invite was addressed to his parents. My answer was of course, it just hadnt crossed my mind that I needed to name the cousins as it seemed obvious they would come.

Now I always assume that unless your name is on the invite, you are not invited. So the last two evening invites to weddings I've had, one from a colleague of mine, one from DH's colleague, just mentioned me and him on the invite. So we didn't take the kids, we made alternative arrangements, only for the first thing the bride and groom to say to us on the night 'haven't you fetched the children?'

Petra_70

msb5262 wrote: »

This whole issue of children and weddings is a difficult one and there are no simple answers. When I married, there were a few children amongst the guests. When our children were small and our friends were starting to get married, we took turns to spend time outside wedding ceremonies when the children started to cry or make a noise.
When we divorced and my ex remarried, the only children amongst the guests were our children, then aged 12, 10 and 8...I think this was probably rather dull for them as they had no other kids for company!

A close friend of mine didn't have any children at her wedding - we attended minus children - but I was secretly amused to realise that she subsequently became the kind of mother who would be mortally offended if you didn't invite her child to your wedding, however inappropriate an occasion might be for a young child...quite salutary, I think...

That is hilarious!

Reminds me of a woman I know who had 2 kids close together in early 2015 and early 2016. She AND her partner were really obnoxious child free by choice people who thought that it was a damn cheek to expect special favours like child parking spaces, and they always parked in them.

Now when it happens to them, they go literally ballistic.

I was passing on the Sainsbury's car park a few months ago, and saw HIM scream and yell at a woman for parking in a child zone with no child, and she just shrugged her shoulders and said 'tell it to someone who gives a s--t. You pathetic entitled-to whingebag.' :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::T

It was hilarious! This woman was treating him EXACTLY the same as he treated parents when HE was child free.

As for the 'no child' thing at weddings; I guess I can understand it in a way, because some children do play up sometimes; especially if they are tired. And often - as someone said earlier - you have to have a no-child blanket rule to eliminate the badly behaved children.

I know several people who excluded all children except their siblings children, and some people never spoke to them again after that...including several relatives!! Bit pathetic!

I also know a woman who excluded her entire extended family (3 aunts, 3 uncles, 7 cousins + 5 partners of those cousins, and 13 children of those cousins.) because she didn't want to invite her birth mother, and she knew she couldn't invite everyone else and not invite her. What's more, they all would not have gone anyway if said birth mother had been left out!

So she just invited her 2 half brothers who she got on with OK, (and their partners,) her grandparents, her husband's parents, and her husband's brother and his wife. And her husband's grandparents. Plus around 10 mutual friends. So around 25 of them at the Register Office, and at the reception, but she said it was a lovely day.

Literally half of the people who were excluded have not spoken to her since. I think she just has contact with 3 cousins and 2 aunts and uncles. And maybe about 5 of the children of the cousins.

Weddings and funerals can make or break a family. Sadly, it's often the latter.