Is it weird wanting to remain single?

zagfles

Jagraf wrote: »

The only people who would find it weird would be those who compare it to their own insecurities and try to make their lives look better.

I don't think it's that so much, it's more that some people simply can't comprehend that others think differently to them, that other people want different things out of life.

It works both ways, people have mentioned getting nagged about when they're going to get married, have kids etc. Generally from parents, or perhaps concerned close friends/relatives who think just because that's what makes them fullfilled, you're missing out and must be really lonely and sad if you don't do the same.

But also I know a couple of men who are both absolutely convinced that no man really wants to become a father and that they only do so because they're doing what's expected, they're "jumping through societies hoops of expectation", or they're just doing what the wife wants! Rather than it being something they positively want!

We've seen it here with people convinced a man can't be friends with an attractive woman without wanting to have sex with her.

People think differently. Get over it!

Pollycat

Whatever happened to live and let live?

Rosemary7391

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

BTW, no-one ever has to justify their lifestyle preferences to anyone. The OP (and others) could just nod and smile rather than trying to persuade the other person that they're quite happy as they are, TYVM, and don't intend to find a boy/girlfriend / get married / have kids etc etc etc.

I could just smile and nod, but if I'm honest, being treated as if my life is still in limbo/I'm still a child is a little wearing. Yes, my mother very much implied that I'm not a fully independent adult because I've not got married yet! It's easy to tell people not to care about opinions of those they're close to, but really, is anyone that thick skinned?

Person_one

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I could just smile and nod, but if I'm honest, being treated as if my life is still in limbo/I'm still a child is a little wearing. Yes, my mother very much implied that I'm not a fully independent adult because I've not got married yet! It's easy to tell people not to care about opinions of those they're close to, but really, is anyone that thick skinned?

The accusations of 'not a proper adult' do make me laugh sometimes. Especially when I see how dependent some coupled up women with or without children are on their (invariably male) partners. Single women don't have that option and learn to cope perfectly well on their own but are apparently still considered less 'grown up'.

Just today someone I know put a post on Facebook about how she hadn't managed to check the air in her tyres without male assistance. A friend of mine who married young has literally never even changed a lightbulb!

Kim_kim

mgdavid wrote: »

Eh? you'd better be very wrong, as these two retirees are planning on staying in a few hostels this time next year.

Ok then, I'm more a 5 star with room service by a tropical beach sort of holiday maker.

Pollycat

These 2 posts just go to show that people have different opinions.

mgdavid wrote: »

Eh? you'd better be very wrong, as these two retirees are planning on staying in a few hostels this time next year.

Kim_kim wrote: »

Ok then, I'm more a 5 star with room service by a tropical beach sort of holiday maker.

And there's nothing wrong with that, just as there's nothing wrong with being content on your own, or to live with someone but not get married or to be with someone and not want to have children.

At the end of the day, it's sod all to do with anybody else.

lisa110rry

We seem to have gone a long way from the OP... I reckon it's horses for courses. I married my husband when I was 21, and he, 30. We seriously discussed parenthood, and agreed when I was 25 that the time was right. Our son, an only child, was born six days after my 26th birthday. Our choice, other choices are available! When our son married in 2012, I was delighted they enjoyed each other's company for a couple of years before deciding they would like to start a family. It hasn't happened, but I would never, not ever, bring this up. It seems I am not to be a grandparent, okay, not a problem. I rejoice in my grandneices, both in the UK and Australia. The dear couple are happy, so hey, who am I to say anything?

I've been married 38 years, but we have individual tastes, my husband attends lectures and other meetings to do with a Society. I like to take my dog to the beach and would love an afternoon sledging (if I could find snow). My husband is off to Dubai for five weeks on Tuesday on holiday. Not a problem to me, I have plans for that time, including a couple of exhibitions (at museums, not planning to flash cars from a motorway overpass, lol).

If I found myself single through loss, I would cope, but I would in that circumstance emulate the poster who has someone special s/he sees sporadically, but I would be content being single as I've never been in anyone's pocket, nor he in mine.

Go with what you find in your heart...

Hermia

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I could just smile and nod, but if I'm honest, being treated as if my life is still in limbo/I'm still a child is a little wearing. Yes, my mother very much implied that I'm not a fully independent adult because I've not got married yet! It's easy to tell people not to care about opinions of those they're close to, but really, is anyone that thick skinned?

I once had a boss like that. She would treat the married people in the office with respect and the parents amongst them were practically treated like royalty. On the other hand the singletons were treated like ditzy teens. She even said she wasn't sure they could be trusted to lock up, despite the fact they were all in their 30/40s, lived on their own and did everything for themselves! She really seemed to think you magically became an adult when the wedding ring went on!

Anatidaephobia

Hermia wrote: »

I once had a boss like that. She would treat the married people in the office with respect and the parents amongst them were practically treated like royalty. On the other hand the singletons were treated like ditzy teens.

I've known a number of workplaces where people were treated very differently depending on whether they were single or married with kids.

In one place in particular, top of the hierarchy were married couples (regardless of whether or not they had kids) and single mums. They got the preferential holidays while other single people were expected to take what they were given and work more anti social hours, even though there were supposed to be rotas to spread shifts fairly. The presumption seemed to be that only women were involved in their children's lives as single dads were at the bottom of the hierarchy along with the single people who were not parents - last choice of holidays, pressured to work more nights and weekends, expected to work bank holidays including Christmas day in order to give time off to the families who 'deserved it most'.

Lee131

Right I often use the site and forum but never post. This thread couldn't be any closer to home.
I'm 29 male single have had 3x 6 month relationships in the last 10 years.
I'm under enormous pressure from friends and family to get a good woman etc or you'd make a great dad. That house would be great for your family.
Well the thing is the last 10 years have been great I've pleased myself. Spent loads of time using this site to make my one wage stretch and now after 10 years I'm more than financially stable with 100k equity in a house, savings in the bank. And don't assume my house is the pits or a palace I just believe in a happy medium for everything.
I will admit I'm happy to date and should the right woman come along then great but ive many friends who got mortgages with partners because they simply couldn't get there own. Had children because she wanted to. Not broken up because they can't afford to.
If anything I've learnt in this whole process is to just be your own personal, do it your way. If someone can actually the effort you've single handedly put into your life, home, career then they'll respect that.
You can force a relationship but my god you shouldn't. What works shouldn't be work.
Thanks