Is it weird wanting to remain single?

Hermia

Rosemary7391 wrote: »

I could just smile and nod, but if I'm honest, being treated as if my life is still in limbo/I'm still a child is a little wearing. Yes, my mother very much implied that I'm not a fully independent adult because I've not got married yet! It's easy to tell people not to care about opinions of those they're close to, but really, is anyone that thick skinned?

I once had a boss like that. She would treat the married people in the office with respect and the parents amongst them were practically treated like royalty. On the other hand the singletons were treated like ditzy teens. She even said she wasn't sure they could be trusted to lock up, despite the fact they were all in their 30/40s, lived on their own and did everything for themselves! She really seemed to think you magically became an adult when the wedding ring went on!

Anatidaephobia

Hermia wrote: »

I once had a boss like that. She would treat the married people in the office with respect and the parents amongst them were practically treated like royalty. On the other hand the singletons were treated like ditzy teens.

I've known a number of workplaces where people were treated very differently depending on whether they were single or married with kids.

In one place in particular, top of the hierarchy were married couples (regardless of whether or not they had kids) and single mums. They got the preferential holidays while other single people were expected to take what they were given and work more anti social hours, even though there were supposed to be rotas to spread shifts fairly. The presumption seemed to be that only women were involved in their children's lives as single dads were at the bottom of the hierarchy along with the single people who were not parents - last choice of holidays, pressured to work more nights and weekends, expected to work bank holidays including Christmas day in order to give time off to the families who 'deserved it most'.

Lee131

Right I often use the site and forum but never post. This thread couldn't be any closer to home.
I'm 29 male single have had 3x 6 month relationships in the last 10 years.
I'm under enormous pressure from friends and family to get a good woman etc or you'd make a great dad. That house would be great for your family.
Well the thing is the last 10 years have been great I've pleased myself. Spent loads of time using this site to make my one wage stretch and now after 10 years I'm more than financially stable with 100k equity in a house, savings in the bank. And don't assume my house is the pits or a palace I just believe in a happy medium for everything.
I will admit I'm happy to date and should the right woman come along then great but ive many friends who got mortgages with partners because they simply couldn't get there own. Had children because she wanted to. Not broken up because they can't afford to.
If anything I've learnt in this whole process is to just be your own personal, do it your way. If someone can actually the effort you've single handedly put into your life, home, career then they'll respect that.
You can force a relationship but my god you shouldn't. What works shouldn't be work.
Thanks

bugslet

Kim_kim wrote: »

It's a more even feeling, no highs, but no lows either.

Every now & then (not that often) I wish I had a partner, but not often enough to want to take the risk again.


HOLIDAYS - that's what I miss about a partner.

That's exactly how I think. I had some happy and some awful times with Mr Bugs over our 28 years, but now. Well you can't say that you won't meet someone ( loved JT03s??? description of a flurry of arms and legs arriving in a train carriage:D), but I'm not looking and I don't want to find anyone.

I miss having someone around to look after the dogs, I won't leave them more than four hours so that is restricting in a way it didn't used to be.

And I don't enjoy holidays on my own, though I'm happy to go to events, cinema, restaurants, gigs on my own. I could do all day on my own, but it's the evening meal bit I don't like,( though I often eat alone when away for work and it doesn't bother me). My mate goes to hostels and there are some great ones, I'm with kim kim in the five star department though. Rather spend one night in sumptuous luxury and room service than 5 nights in a perfectly nice hostel - just a personal preference.

selement wrote: »

People can be the same about people who say they never want children, a friend of mine has said since she was a teenager (now late 20s) she never wants children but people still don't accept it and assume she'll change her mind someday !

I've only been questioned once on my choice to not have children, everyone else has just accepted it.

All my friends seem to think nothing of my desire to stay alone either apart from one, but she's not British born and raised, so I think culturally there is a difference there.

zagfles

Lee131 wrote: »

Right I often use the site and forum but never post. This thread couldn't be any closer to home.
I'm 29 male single have had 3x 6 month relationships in the last 10 years.
I'm under enormous pressure from friends and family to get a good woman etc or you'd make a great dad. That house would be great for your family.

As always the interweb has the solution:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-35585087 :rotfl:

Well the thing is the last 10 years have been great I've pleased myself. Spent loads of time using this site to make my one wage stretch and now after 10 years I'm more than financially stable with 100k equity in a house, savings in the bank. And don't assume my house is the pits or a palace I just believe in a happy medium for everything.
I will admit I'm happy to date and should the right woman come along then great but ive many friends who got mortgages with partners because they simply couldn't get there own. Had children because she wanted to. Not broken up because they can't afford to.
If anything I've learnt in this whole process is to just be your own personal, do it your way. If someone can actually the effort you've single handedly put into your life, home, career then they'll respect that.
You can force a relationship but my god you shouldn't. What works shouldn't be work.
Thanks

I think you've got it spot on. You shouldn't have to make major compromises to the way you want to live your life just to have a relationship. Becoming a parent is the biggie - it will turn your life upside down - no way on Earth should you ever become a parent unless it's what you positively want. Too many blokes do seem to just go along with becoming a father just because it's what their partner wants, or because they don't even think about the consequences...

When I proposed to my (now) wife I made it crystal clear I wasn't ready to have kids and might never be, luckily she felt the same although she was more sure she'd want them in the future. We did decide to have them several years later, when we were both sure we were ready. Ironically I wanted a third and she didn't!

happyinflorida

Do what you want to do - as long as you're happy, that is all that is important.

My youngest son, aged 19, has vowed not to marry, isn't interested in women - no, he's not gay either!!! lol He's very happy and I know just to let him be. I worry for his future when his dad & I pop our socks but I hope he'll be happy but I'd never force him into finding a girlfriend or marrying.

I'm pleased he doesn't want kids because I think this country has gone down the pan so much it is not a good place to bring up kids anymore & if I had my time again I wouldn't have kids due to how it's now impossible for kids to be able to buy their own home, hardly any jobs around and most very poorly paid. I worry for both my son's futures in respect of pensions, NHS, getting a dr's appointment, etc because of how badly the elite run this country and if you're down on your luck you're treated like something on the bottom of your shoe.

happyinflorida

For those saying they miss someone to go on holiday with - there are some companies who organise holidays for singles. There was a programme on TV that I remember and the people were having a brilliant time - they could join classes for all different things or sunbath, swim, take part in sports with some others or go out on organised trips or do their own thing.

The places they went to didn't charge a single premium and the holidays were reasonably priced.

I can't remember the name of the company but I'm sure you could have a look on search engines and then look for reviews of any companies that look good.

catoutthebag

Go on holiday on your own. That's one passion of mine that I thought would be hindered after breaking up. Been away 3 times since. Miss the companionship away and in general but walk at your own pace and do what ya like.

bugslet

happyinflorida wrote: »

For those saying they miss someone to go on holiday with - there are some companies who organise holidays for singles. There was a programme on TV that I remember and the people were having a brilliant time - they could join classes for all different things or sunbath, swim, take part in sports with some others or go out on organised trips or do their own thing.

The places they went to didn't charge a single premium and the holidays were reasonably priced.

I can't remember the name of the company but I'm sure you could have a look on search engines and then look for reviews of any companies that look good.

There's a few companies that do singles holidays, a few of my friends have been on them. I'm not particularly tempted tbh, though I may go on a Ramblers holiday - I like walking and they do some great ones in Europe and the States.

Having said that I don't take hardly any time off work, so it's not an issue!

uksnapper

I've been divorced twice,( i know,what a twit ) and for the last 10 years have been in a weekend only relationship,travelling 40 miles each way.
That works for both of us.
We both do what we want in the week and enjoy good company at weekends.
We go away on short breaks together but not too often .
I don't see it changing,when I get too old to travel I guess it will stop but by then I will probably be in gods waiting room :-)