Is it weird wanting to remain single?

bugslet

Kim_kim wrote: »

It's a more even feeling, no highs, but no lows either.

Every now & then (not that often) I wish I had a partner, but not often enough to want to take the risk again.


HOLIDAYS - that's what I miss about a partner.

That's exactly how I think. I had some happy and some awful times with Mr Bugs over our 28 years, but now. Well you can't say that you won't meet someone ( loved JT03s??? description of a flurry of arms and legs arriving in a train carriage:D), but I'm not looking and I don't want to find anyone.

I miss having someone around to look after the dogs, I won't leave them more than four hours so that is restricting in a way it didn't used to be.

And I don't enjoy holidays on my own, though I'm happy to go to events, cinema, restaurants, gigs on my own. I could do all day on my own, but it's the evening meal bit I don't like,( though I often eat alone when away for work and it doesn't bother me). My mate goes to hostels and there are some great ones, I'm with kim kim in the five star department though. Rather spend one night in sumptuous luxury and room service than 5 nights in a perfectly nice hostel - just a personal preference.

selement wrote: »

People can be the same about people who say they never want children, a friend of mine has said since she was a teenager (now late 20s) she never wants children but people still don't accept it and assume she'll change her mind someday !

I've only been questioned once on my choice to not have children, everyone else has just accepted it.

All my friends seem to think nothing of my desire to stay alone either apart from one, but she's not British born and raised, so I think culturally there is a difference there.

zagfles

Lee131 wrote: »

Right I often use the site and forum but never post. This thread couldn't be any closer to home.
I'm 29 male single have had 3x 6 month relationships in the last 10 years.
I'm under enormous pressure from friends and family to get a good woman etc or you'd make a great dad. That house would be great for your family.

As always the interweb has the solution:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-35585087 :rotfl:

Well the thing is the last 10 years have been great I've pleased myself. Spent loads of time using this site to make my one wage stretch and now after 10 years I'm more than financially stable with 100k equity in a house, savings in the bank. And don't assume my house is the pits or a palace I just believe in a happy medium for everything.
I will admit I'm happy to date and should the right woman come along then great but ive many friends who got mortgages with partners because they simply couldn't get there own. Had children because she wanted to. Not broken up because they can't afford to.
If anything I've learnt in this whole process is to just be your own personal, do it your way. If someone can actually the effort you've single handedly put into your life, home, career then they'll respect that.
You can force a relationship but my god you shouldn't. What works shouldn't be work.
Thanks

I think you've got it spot on. You shouldn't have to make major compromises to the way you want to live your life just to have a relationship. Becoming a parent is the biggie - it will turn your life upside down - no way on Earth should you ever become a parent unless it's what you positively want. Too many blokes do seem to just go along with becoming a father just because it's what their partner wants, or because they don't even think about the consequences...

When I proposed to my (now) wife I made it crystal clear I wasn't ready to have kids and might never be, luckily she felt the same although she was more sure she'd want them in the future. We did decide to have them several years later, when we were both sure we were ready. Ironically I wanted a third and she didn't!

happyinflorida

Do what you want to do - as long as you're happy, that is all that is important.

My youngest son, aged 19, has vowed not to marry, isn't interested in women - no, he's not gay either!!! lol He's very happy and I know just to let him be. I worry for his future when his dad & I pop our socks but I hope he'll be happy but I'd never force him into finding a girlfriend or marrying.

I'm pleased he doesn't want kids because I think this country has gone down the pan so much it is not a good place to bring up kids anymore & if I had my time again I wouldn't have kids due to how it's now impossible for kids to be able to buy their own home, hardly any jobs around and most very poorly paid. I worry for both my son's futures in respect of pensions, NHS, getting a dr's appointment, etc because of how badly the elite run this country and if you're down on your luck you're treated like something on the bottom of your shoe.

happyinflorida

For those saying they miss someone to go on holiday with - there are some companies who organise holidays for singles. There was a programme on TV that I remember and the people were having a brilliant time - they could join classes for all different things or sunbath, swim, take part in sports with some others or go out on organised trips or do their own thing.

The places they went to didn't charge a single premium and the holidays were reasonably priced.

I can't remember the name of the company but I'm sure you could have a look on search engines and then look for reviews of any companies that look good.

catoutthebag

Go on holiday on your own. That's one passion of mine that I thought would be hindered after breaking up. Been away 3 times since. Miss the companionship away and in general but walk at your own pace and do what ya like.

bugslet

happyinflorida wrote: »

For those saying they miss someone to go on holiday with - there are some companies who organise holidays for singles. There was a programme on TV that I remember and the people were having a brilliant time - they could join classes for all different things or sunbath, swim, take part in sports with some others or go out on organised trips or do their own thing.

The places they went to didn't charge a single premium and the holidays were reasonably priced.

I can't remember the name of the company but I'm sure you could have a look on search engines and then look for reviews of any companies that look good.

There's a few companies that do singles holidays, a few of my friends have been on them. I'm not particularly tempted tbh, though I may go on a Ramblers holiday - I like walking and they do some great ones in Europe and the States.

Having said that I don't take hardly any time off work, so it's not an issue!

uksnapper

I've been divorced twice,( i know,what a twit ) and for the last 10 years have been in a weekend only relationship,travelling 40 miles each way.
That works for both of us.
We both do what we want in the week and enjoy good company at weekends.
We go away on short breaks together but not too often .
I don't see it changing,when I get too old to travel I guess it will stop but by then I will probably be in gods waiting room :-)

purpleweasel

Surely in this day & age there are many acceptable ways to live: I know a couple who (both earlier widowed) choose to live in their own houses most of the time but are still very much "together"; a lady in her 80s who never needed a partner but had a wide range of caring friends; any number of variations on the pattern of dissolved & re-formed families...


The important bit is choice I would say - if you are single by your own choice then good chance of general happiness; if you have had singleness unwillingly forced upon you it would be harder to find contentment. I think we should all be grateful for having so much more choice nowadays than even our grandparents did. I could choose to be single and be able to fully financially and emotionally support myself in a way that wouldn't have been easy or sometimes even possible in the past. My choice - no more or less valid or acceptable than yours or anyone else's

fatpiggy

I've just turned 51 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship with anyone. I have accepted it isn't going to happen, if they weren't interested in me in my 20s they certainly won't be in my 50s and older. I'm obviously not what anyone is looking for; I'm no oil painting and I have very masculine interests (my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory. I'm quite sure that my family and many other people assume I'm a non-practicing lesbian. They don't ever ask though. It doesn't help that I have had a great deal of interest since my teenage years from married men who are simply looking for a bit on the side and see me as an easy target so actually I have zero trust in men now, so that isn't going to help the situation. I have made a life alone for myself but when you come home to a silent house, have had a rubbish day, or just want to tell someone that something good has happened, and there is no-one there, it isn't a whole lot of fun - I can see why Shirley Valentine talked to her walls! Last night I was rehanging a door single-handed. Living the single life is incredibly expensive - I am a cash-cow to offset the two-for-one meal deals/entry fees/shopping deals. I have only one income stream to pay a mortgage, buy and run a car, pay the household bills, try to have some savings etc etc and no way would I have a holiday. Even the so-called specialist singles holiday companies make you pay for the privilege, they may not mention single room supplements but they sure as hell build them into the price. I looked at one trip and a week away would have cost me over £800 and it wasn't anywhere special either. No, I don't want to be robbed blind thanks. I also think (unfortunately from experience) that travelling alone isn't safe for women. If you want to spend a week in a hotel and go no further than the pool then fair enough, but that isn't for me. So that is something else I go without. I know people who say, you'll regret it when you are 80 and have no-one to look after you. The truth is I will be extremely happy to have popped off well before then.

girlsmum

i have been single nearly 5 years now, following the break up of marriage, i want to be single and cope quite well with all that life throws at me.
or at least i dont wan't to live with anyone again as, for the following reasons (as in the case of my ex)

1 fed up of doing all the laundry
2 fed up of doing all the cooking
3 fed up of doing all the cleaning
4 working full time whilst he did jobs as and when they came in (self employed)

All this was whilst he used to sit in front of his TV catching up programmes or on the PC playing game, or going to his gym.

Are you sure you are not my Ex???? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: