Is it weird wanting to remain single?

Brighton_belle

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Until I married I was in a single bed so no extra space though. He does tend to not the duvet but I just take it back from him.

But a super king is just 2 x 3ft single size where as a standard double is 4.5 ft so you lose space.

onomatopoeia99

fatpiggy wrote: »

(my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory.

Um, no. I'd be delighted to find a woman happy to service her own car and take on DIY jobs around the house (I don't mean soft furnishings in this context), wouldn't feel my territory was being interfered with at all, provided she didn't mind me cooking. I installed the kitchen for me to cook in so I'm not having it permanently taken over!

I went on a solos holiday once, it was relatively expensive but not excessively. Three men, eight women in the party, plus the female guide / rep who accompanied us almost the whole time (she was really good, in fact). That was with an outfit called "friendship travel", I booked it at the last minute as stuff going on in my private life meant I wanted to get away, and not on my own (normally I book stuff direct and go alone). They use hotels that cater to business travellers so have single rooms and are mainly empty at weekends (obviously this only works if you want a city holiday).

Only victim of crime in our group was me, I got pickpocketed by a team of two women. One came up to me in the street and started shouting, punching and shoving me, the other grabbed my phone out of my pocket while I was fending her co-conspirator off. I realised I'd been done quite quickly and managed to get it back without involving the police, just threatening to do so..

Hermia

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It would never occur to me to go to be at a time different to.my husband. I wouldn't read in bed either if unable to sleep. We watch TV together and compromise on what we watch. Isn't this the way others live?

The always going to bed at the same time thing only really works if you always get up at the same time every day. Most couples I know leave for work at different times. I am certainly not sitting up for someone if I have to get up early to drive across the county for a meeting. Nor would I expect them to come to bed if they are not tired.

The TV compromise thing only really works if you have vaguely similar tastes. If you don't you basically end up with one or both people watching something they hate! I can't think of anything more tedious than always watching films/TV or listening to music you both only sort of like for the sake of compromise. I would much rather do those things separately and then spend time together doing the things we both love. I have friends who always miss out on watching TV or movies they would love because their partner doesn't like what they like - urg!

Torry_Quine

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But a super king is just 2 x 3ft single size where as a standard double is 4.5 ft so you lose space.

Gosh, I didn't know that. I always thought a double was closer to two singles.

Hermia wrote: »

The always going to bed at the same time thing only really works if you always get up at the same time every day. Most couples I know leave for work at different times. I am certainly not sitting up for someone if I have to get up early to drive across the county for a meeting. Nor would I expect them to come to bed if they are not tired.

The TV compromise thing only really works if you have vaguely similar tastes. If you don't you basically end up with one or both people watching something they hate! I can't think of anything more tedious than always watching films/TV or listening to music you both only sort of like for the sake of compromise. I would much rather do those things separately and then spend time together doing the things we both love. I have friends who always miss out on watching TV or movies they would love because their partner doesn't like what they like - urg!

We have always gone to bed together at the time suited to whoever needed an earlier start as we both worked shifts when first marred. Now I don't work we go early or later dependent on his shifts. If I am wanting to go earlier then I just say and we both go.

As for TV if there's football we watch it for him or tennis for me for instance.

Petra_70

Torry_Quine wrote: »

We have always gone to bed together at the time suited to whoever needed an earlier start as we both worked shifts when first marred. Now I don't work we go early or later dependent on his shifts. If I am wanting to go earlier then I just say and we both go.

As for TV if there's football we watch it for him or tennis for me for instance.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It would never occur to me to go to be at a time different to.my husband. I wouldn't read in bed either if unable to sleep. We watch TV together and compromise on what we watch. Isn't this the way others live?

Not sharing a bed especially when newly married wouldn't have occurred to us at all, not least as we had no room for a.second bed. Always shared one duvet. Double bed, king size too big.

Ummm no. The way you explain how you live with your husband makes it sound like you are joined at the hip, and you're not individuals. I don't get this 'I would never go to bed at a different time to my husband' thing. I mean what if the other isn't ready? You are two individual people you know, even if you are married...It is OK to go to bed at a different time to your husband. Also, some of the most successful marriages and happy couples I know have separate bedrooms. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and if your partner rolls around and thrashes about, and snores heavily (as many do,) you can't get adequate sleep. We have 1 spare room, and I sometimes sleep in it when my husband snores. I would be quite happy to actually make it my own eventually when our 2 kids leave home. (Maybe before...)

I couldn't live in a marriage where I had to follow everything my husband does and says, and watch what he wants on telly, and go to bed when he goes. It just seems so 'Stepford wife...' My husband and I share many interests, and go out for meals, and out shopping together, and to the pub together, and to the cinema together, and we spend many a happy evening together laughing, and watching films, and dancing to 80s music.

But also, I go out with friends without him, I go out for the day without him, I have been away for the weekend twice without him, and I go to bed at a different time, around 50% of the time. I sometimes stay up and watch telly and go to bed 2 hours after him. Sometimes he goes after me. Also, it doesn't mean we 'don't do it,'' because we don't go to bed together. There are other times to do it in the day LOL!

Upshot is; we do lots of things together, but lots of things individually too. As I said, we are 2 individuals, with 2 separate souls, and personalities, (as well as a married couple.)

Hermia wrote: »

The always going to bed at the same time thing only really works if you always get up at the same time every day. Most couples I know leave for work at different times. I am certainly not sitting up for someone if I have to get up early to drive across the county for a meeting. Nor would I expect them to come to bed if they are not tired.

The TV compromise thing only really works if you have vaguely similar tastes. If you don't you basically end up with one or both people watching something they hate! I can't think of anything more tedious than always watching films/TV or listening to music you both only sort of like for the sake of compromise. I would much rather do those things separately and then spend time together doing the things we both love. I have friends who always miss out on watching TV or movies they would love because their partner doesn't like what they like - urg!

Exactly.

I have to say, it would be one of my worst nightmares to live in a relationship that you describe Hermia... Always doing what your husband wants and never doing anything you want to do, always going with what he wants, listening to the music he wants, going places he wants, missing stuff you want to watch on telly because your partner doesn't like it. I would much rather be alone forever than in a relationship like this.

I have actually known several women who had partners who hated Christmas, and so it wasn't celebrated in their home because HE didn't like it. Hell would freeze over before I gave up anything I love and enjoy because of a man. You can bet no man will give up anything for any woman!

How can a king size bed be 'too big?' by the way?

Torry_Quine

Petra_70 wrote: »

Ummm no. The way you explain how you live with your husband makes it sound like you are joined at the hip, and you're not individuals. I don't get this 'I would never go to bed at a different time to my husband' thing. I mean what if the other isn't ready? You are two individual people you know, even if you are married...It is OK to go to bed at a different time to your husband. Also, some of the most successful marriages and happy couples I know have separate bedrooms. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and if your partner rolls around and thrashes about, and snores heavily (as many do,) you can't get adequate sleep. We have 1 spare room, and I sometimes sleep in it when my husband snores. I would be quite happy to actually make it my own eventually when our 2 kids leave home. (Maybe before...)

I couldn't live in a marriage where I had to follow everything my husband does and says, and watch what he wants on telly, and go to bed when he goes. It just seems so 'Stepford wife...' My husband and I share many interests, and go out for meals, and out shopping together, and to the pub together, and to the cinema together, and we spend many a happy evening together laughing, and watching films, and dancing to 80s music.

But also, I go out with friends without him, I go out for the day without him, I have been away for the weekend twice without him, and I go to bed at a different time, around 50% of the time. I sometimes stay up and watch telly and go to bed 2 hours after him. Sometimes he goes after me. Also, it doesn't mean we 'don't do it,'' because we don't go to bed together. There are other times to do it in the day LOL!

Upshot is; we do lots of things together, but lots of things individually too. As I said, we are 2 individuals, with 2 separate souls, and personalities, (as well as a married couple.)



Exactly.

I have to say, it would be one of my worst nightmares to live in a relationship that you describe Hermia... Always doing what your husband wants and never doing anything you want to do, always going with what he wants, listening to the music he wants, going places he wants, missing stuff you want to watch on telly because your partner doesn't like it. I would much rather be alone forever than in a relationship like this.

I have actually known several women who had partners who hated Christmas, and so it wasn't celebrated in their home because HE didn't like it. Hell would freeze over before I gave up anything I love and enjoy because of a man. You can bet no man will give up anything for any woman!

How can a king size bed be 'too big?' by the way?

I'm not sure why you seem to think my life is dictated to by my huband. He wouldn't go to bed without me either, the only reason it's by his work hours is because I don't work! My husband does snore and has even had night terrors in the past but I wouldn't want to sleep apart nor would he. We have had single beds when away sometimes but didn't like it, after so long we know what works for us.

He certainly doesn't dictate our TV habits either, I often have to point out that something he likes is on as he forgets.

We are seperate individuals but he is my soul mate so other than when he is away at work wouldn't want to spend large amounts of time apart and no holidays apart.

I have never said I have given up anything because of him or vice versa. We found a king size bed too large when in a hotel once, probably wasted the extra space as we are always together in the middle of the bed. It would also be more work for changing it and turning the mattress.:rotfl::rotfl:

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

It would never occur to me to go to be at a time different to.my husband. I wouldn't read in bed either if unable to sleep. We watch TV together and compromise on what we watch. Isn't this the way others live?

Always sharerd one duvet. Double bed, king size too big.

Not us. I find it a very strange concept indeed. I'd hate to have to go to bed at the same time as my husband, I'm hardly ever tired then. He is not a night owl, whereas I am. He goes about 10.30-11pm and I go about 12-12.30pm.

My parents hardly ever went to bed at the same time either. Again, my Mam goes early, and my Dad went after midnight.

The nights my husband sleeps in the spare room (if he's on call, ill, argument etc) I actually enjoy having the whole bed to myself and have no snoring to keep me awake! I can totally see why people having seperate rooms is on the increase.

I had a woman say to me once that she absolutely hates it when her husband is away and she's on her own in the bed she can't sleep and needs him there so bad. I thought that was abit clingy tbh.

The bigger the bed the better IMO. I need my space. It always amazes me how couples who lie their cuddled up together actually get a good nights sleep.

We watch tv together sometimes as there's a lot of shows we both like, but I watch the soaps and then he watches whatever it is he likes to watch. If I'm watching something he's not bothered about, he'll watch something on his pad, and vice versa. I would not sit there and watch something I'm not interested in, what's the point?

Petra_70

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Not us. I find it a very strange concept indeed. I'd hate to have to go to bed at the same time as my husband, I'm hardly ever tired then. He is not a night owl, whereas I am. He goes about 10.30-11pm and I go about 12-12.30pm.

My parents hardly ever went to bed at the same time either. Again, my Mam goes early, and my Dad went after midnight.

The nights my husband sleeps in the spare room (if he's on call, ill, argument etc) I actually enjoy having the whole bed to myself and have no snoring to keep me awake! I can totally see why people having seperate rooms is on the increase.

I had a woman say to me once that she absolutely hates it when her husband is away and she's on her own in the bed she can't sleep and needs him there so bad. I thought that was abit clingy tbh.

The bigger the bed the better IMO. I need my space. It always amazes me how couples who lie their cuddled up together actually get a good nights sleep.

We watch tv together sometimes as there's a lot of shows we both like, but I watch the soaps and then he watches whatever it is he likes to watch. If I'm watching something he's not bothered about, he'll watch something on his pad, and vice versa. I would not sit there and watch something I'm not interested in, what's the point?

Agreed. My sentiments exactly. Each to their own, but the way Torry describes her relationship would not suit me at all.

I personally think sharing a bed goes back to days of old when there was no central heating and people slept in the same bed to generate body warmth. I think it's outdated and antiquated now, and not necessary. You can't really get a good night's sleep with someone breathing down your neck, coughing, sneezing, snoring, grunting, huffing and puffing, jabbing you in the ribs, and pulling the duvet off you half the night.

I have shared a bed with my husband for almost 20 years, and tbh, do prefer the bed to myself these days... Although we always slept together for the first 10 years, for the last 10, I have slept in the spare room half the time. I know many people who do the same. Nothing wrong with it, nothing wrong with the marriage, nothing wrong at all... It's perfectly normal and acceptable to want to get a good night's sleep. I bet if most married/co-habiting couples were honest, they would love their own bed - or room.

As for the woman you mentioned, not being able to sleep without hubzy there is a bit weird. Very clingy, very needy, and frankly quite immature IMO.

Torry_Quine

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Not us. I find it a very strange concept indeed. I'd hate to have to go to bed at the same time as my husband, I'm hardly ever tired then. He is not a night owl, whereas I am. He goes about 10.30-11pm and I go about 12-12.30pm.

My parents hardly ever went to bed at the same time either. Again, my Mam goes early, and my Dad went after midnight.

The nights my husband sleeps in the spare room (if he's on call, ill, argument etc) I actually enjoy having the whole bed to myself and have no snoring to keep me awake! I can totally see why people having seperate rooms is on the increase.

I had a woman say to me once that she absolutely hates it when her husband is away and she's on her own in the bed she can't sleep and needs him there so bad. I thought that was abit clingy tbh.

The bigger the bed the better IMO. I need my space. It always amazes me how couples who lie their cuddled up together actually get a good nights sleep.

We watch tv together sometimes as there's a lot of shows we both like, but I watch the soaps and then he watches whatever it is he likes to watch. If I'm watching something he's not bothered about, he'll watch something on his pad, and vice versa. I would not sit there and watch something I'm not interested in, what's the point?

I could never sleep on my own when my husband had to work overnight, the bed was so big and empty without him and yes we do sleep cuddled up, at least to start with.

If it's something like a football game then I will be reading while it's on.

Georgiegirl256

Petra_70 wrote: »

Agreed. My sentiments exactly. Each to their own, but the way Torry describes her relationship would not suit me at all.

It wouldn't suit me at all either. It would cause arguments if my husband expected me to go to bed the same time as him, or vice versa.

I personally think sharing a bed goes back to days of old when there was no central heating and people slept in the same bed to generate body warmth. I think it's outdated and antiquated now, and not necessary. You can't really get a good night's sleep with someone breathing down your neck, coughing, sneezing, snoring, grunting, huffing and puffing, jabbing you in the ribs, and pulling the duvet off you half the night.

You've met my husband then I take it?!

I bet if most married/co-habiting couples were honest, they would love their own bed - or room.
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I think so too. Years ago, a girl at work (in her 20's) mentioned that her and her boyfriend had seperate rooms, and she got ridiculed for it. So I guess a lot of people probably would never admit to it though.

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I could never sleep on my own when my husband had to work overnight, the bed was so big and empty without him and yes we do sleep cuddled up, at least to start with.
.

I do understand that some people feel the need to have that closeness, and that's great, whatever works for you and your relationship.

I'd feel so claustrophobic, that I just couldn't do it.