Is it weird wanting to remain single?

purpleweasel

Surely in this day & age there are many acceptable ways to live: I know a couple who (both earlier widowed) choose to live in their own houses most of the time but are still very much "together"; a lady in her 80s who never needed a partner but had a wide range of caring friends; any number of variations on the pattern of dissolved & re-formed families...


The important bit is choice I would say - if you are single by your own choice then good chance of general happiness; if you have had singleness unwillingly forced upon you it would be harder to find contentment. I think we should all be grateful for having so much more choice nowadays than even our grandparents did. I could choose to be single and be able to fully financially and emotionally support myself in a way that wouldn't have been easy or sometimes even possible in the past. My choice - no more or less valid or acceptable than yours or anyone else's

fatpiggy

I've just turned 51 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship with anyone. I have accepted it isn't going to happen, if they weren't interested in me in my 20s they certainly won't be in my 50s and older. I'm obviously not what anyone is looking for; I'm no oil painting and I have very masculine interests (my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory. I'm quite sure that my family and many other people assume I'm a non-practicing lesbian. They don't ever ask though. It doesn't help that I have had a great deal of interest since my teenage years from married men who are simply looking for a bit on the side and see me as an easy target so actually I have zero trust in men now, so that isn't going to help the situation. I have made a life alone for myself but when you come home to a silent house, have had a rubbish day, or just want to tell someone that something good has happened, and there is no-one there, it isn't a whole lot of fun - I can see why Shirley Valentine talked to her walls! Last night I was rehanging a door single-handed. Living the single life is incredibly expensive - I am a cash-cow to offset the two-for-one meal deals/entry fees/shopping deals. I have only one income stream to pay a mortgage, buy and run a car, pay the household bills, try to have some savings etc etc and no way would I have a holiday. Even the so-called specialist singles holiday companies make you pay for the privilege, they may not mention single room supplements but they sure as hell build them into the price. I looked at one trip and a week away would have cost me over £800 and it wasn't anywhere special either. No, I don't want to be robbed blind thanks. I also think (unfortunately from experience) that travelling alone isn't safe for women. If you want to spend a week in a hotel and go no further than the pool then fair enough, but that isn't for me. So that is something else I go without. I know people who say, you'll regret it when you are 80 and have no-one to look after you. The truth is I will be extremely happy to have popped off well before then.

girlsmum

i have been single nearly 5 years now, following the break up of marriage, i want to be single and cope quite well with all that life throws at me.
or at least i dont wan't to live with anyone again as, for the following reasons (as in the case of my ex)

1 fed up of doing all the laundry
2 fed up of doing all the cooking
3 fed up of doing all the cleaning
4 working full time whilst he did jobs as and when they came in (self employed)

All this was whilst he used to sit in front of his TV catching up programmes or on the PC playing game, or going to his gym.

Are you sure you are not my Ex???? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Kernow666

I enjoy been single have been for 5yrs tomorrow ( not that I am counting ) can do what I want when I want and get a bit from time to time so all is good

northernsaver

Good on you for being who you want to be!

No matter where you are in life, you will always find people ask personal, annoying, down-right nosey questions.

When I was with my boyfriend, it was 'when are you getting married?', now we're married it's 'when are you having children?'. Friends who have children are asked 'When are you having more?'

mark5

JP08 wrote: »

I can totally sympathise with the OP's position - lived on my own from 1992 to 2010. Got really fed up with the constant expectation of others to fit their conceptions of the norm. Or (polite) speculation as to my sexuality (even from the old dear across the road !!!!!!).

Couple of comments on a few other comments here - and a warning from my own experience.

Financially it was the best time of my life. Yes two can live together cheaper than two singletons if they have to. But it doesn't normally work like that in practice. Especially if you're the male in the relationship. As a solo male I didn't care what car I drove, what age sofa I sat on, the fact I'd taken the kitchen apart 5 years before and not refitted it, or that the house was tiny. Consequently my outgoings were absolutely minimal.

Women can strike out of the blue and turn the whole thing upside down. In my case, it was the flurry of late running arms and legs that threw themselves into the last remaining seat next to me on the train in late 2008. Been married five years now. So never say never.

And the warning.
It's easy to spiral in on yourself.
When I was a teenager I had a job in a local holiday camp shop. An old boy used to come in every morning for milk and tobacco. Looked (and sometimes smelt) like a tramp, lived in a ramshackle timber bungalow down a track along the sea wall.
By 2008 I'd reached the point where, as the solo life and outgoings had got smaller and smaller, I was actually starting to look forward to getting away from the rest of the world. I'd got the cash, was looking forward to the payoff from the next reshuffle at work, and scanning rightmove for the isolated bolthole. I've no doubt that, had events not panned out in 2008 as they did, I would be well on the way to becoming that old bloke from the holiday shop of my youth.

I agree with this, it sounds a lot like me!

Cicatriz_2

In a somewhat similar position at a similar age and I can confirm that most people who are not my immediate friend's find it weird that I'm single and making no apparent effort to change it.

There was a run of weddings I attended last year and it seemed to be open season on questioning my life's choices although in fairness, nobody was overly judgemental.

carefullycautious

fatpiggy wrote: »

I've just turned 51 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship with anyone. I have accepted it isn't going to happen, if they weren't interested in me in my 20s they certainly won't be in my 50s and older. I'm obviously not what anyone is looking for; I'm no oil painting and I have very masculine interests (my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory. I'm quite sure that my family and many other people assume I'm a non-practicing lesbian. They don't ever ask though. It doesn't help that I have had a great deal of interest since my teenage years from married men who are simply looking for a bit on the side and see me as an easy target so actually I have zero trust in men now, so that isn't going to help the situation. I have made a life alone for myself but when you come home to a silent house, have had a rubbish day, or just want to tell someone that something good has happened, and there is no-one there, it isn't a whole lot of fun - I can see why Shirley Valentine talked to her walls! Last night I was rehanging a door single-handed. Living the single life is incredibly expensive - I am a cash-cow to offset the two-for-one meal deals/entry fees/shopping deals. I have only one income stream to pay a mortgage, buy and run a car, pay the household bills, try to have some savings etc etc and no way would I have a holiday. Even the so-called specialist singles holiday companies make you pay for the privilege, they may not mention single room supplements but they sure as hell build them into the price. I looked at one trip and a week away would have cost me over £800 and it wasn't anywhere special either. No, I don't want to be robbed blind thanks. I also think (unfortunately from experience) that travelling alone isn't safe for women. If you want to spend a week in a hotel and go no further than the pool then fair enough, but that isn't for me. So that is something else I go without. I know people who say, you'll regret it when you are 80 and have no-one to look after you. The truth is I will be extremely happy to have popped off well before then.

Surely there are ways of travelling safely within a group that doesn't cost the earth. Maybe you could research this and organise your own groups of like minded people to travel somewhere.
Some coach trips abroad aren't too bad for cost. Or there are cruises.


Have you thought about laying your cards on the table and being honest about who you are and what you like and joining a dating site. You never know? someone I know, who like you, was single till their 40s has now found someone quite unexpected. So it does happen, don't write yourself off.

barbarawright

fatpiggy wrote: »

I've just turned 51 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship with anyone. I have accepted it isn't going to happen, if they weren't interested in me in my 20s they certainly won't be in my 50s and older. I'm obviously not what anyone is looking for; I'm no oil painting and I have very masculine interests (my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory. I'm quite sure that my family and many other people assume I'm a non-practicing lesbian. They don't ever ask though. It doesn't help that I have had a great deal of interest since my teenage years from married men who are simply looking for a bit on the side and see me as an easy target so actually I have zero trust in men now, so that isn't going to help the situation. I have made a life alone for myself but when you come home to a silent house, have had a rubbish day, or just want to tell someone that something good has happened, and there is no-one there, it isn't a whole lot of fun - I can see why Shirley Valentine talked to her walls! Last night I was rehanging a door single-handed. Living the single life is incredibly expensive - I am a cash-cow to offset the two-for-one meal deals/entry fees/shopping deals. I have only one income stream to pay a mortgage, buy and run a car, pay the household bills, try to have some savings etc etc and no way would I have a holiday. Even the so-called specialist singles holiday companies make you pay for the privilege, they may not mention single room supplements but they sure as hell build them into the price. I looked at one trip and a week away would have cost me over £800 and it wasn't anywhere special either. No, I don't want to be robbed blind thanks. I also think (unfortunately from experience) that travelling alone isn't safe for women. If you want to spend a week in a hotel and go no further than the pool then fair enough, but that isn't for me. So that is something else I go without. I know people who say, you'll regret it when you are 80 and have no-one to look after you. The truth is I will be extremely happy to have popped off well before then.

I am also 51 and single. I've been on three different holidays this year with different groups of friends (including one with a gay man). Being single doesn't have to mean being alone or not having friends. Even married friends often go on holiday separately and are glad to have other companionship while their partners are off bird-watching or trainspotting or whatever their hobby is

I've also been on solo holidays - most European cities are perfectly safe and nobody looks twice at a woman on her own in restaurant or quiet bar or cinema nowadays. No need to hide away in your hotel in the evening - if you don't fancy sitting in a bar, find a cinema that shows English films with subtitles or go to the opera or a concert.

KxMx

There is nothing wrong with being single and happy about it.

Equally, there is nothing wrong with being single and unhappy about it.