Is it weird wanting to remain single?

mark5

girlsmum wrote: »

i have been single nearly 5 years now, following the break up of marriage, i want to be single and cope quite well with all that life throws at me.
or at least i dont wan't to live with anyone again as, for the following reasons (as in the case of my ex)

1 fed up of doing all the laundry
2 fed up of doing all the cooking
3 fed up of doing all the cleaning
4 working full time whilst he did jobs as and when they came in (self employed)

All this was whilst he used to sit in front of his TV catching up programmes or on the PC playing game, or going to his gym.

Are you sure you are not my Ex???? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

It doesn't have to be like that though, you were probably as much to blame for doing it!

Start off as you mean to go on and stick to it.

SingleSue

I am now finding the weird looks when I comment that I am quite happily single, for some reason people assume I need to have someone around to do things.

I have been married, for quite a lengthy time too and that produced 3 children. At first after the divorce, I found being on my own very scary and was desperate to have someone in my life. It didn't happen for a number of years but eventually, I met an old friend and we started seeing each other romantically.

We had loads of fun going out for a weekly meal, or sitting by the beach or just going for a drive. We were not in each others pockets and we were free to do our own thing in between our weekly outings. We did try one overnight though and I found it just so restricting, no space to spread out in the bed, couldn't sit and read for ages, had to tailor my bed time to his etc....I spent pretty much the entire night awake and out of bed feeling trapped.

I don't know whether things will ever click for me again in the future, I haven't completely discarded the idea of being part of a live together couple again but at the same time, I am not actively pursuing it either. Like another poster said previously, I would much rather prefer a part time companion for meals out, events etc rather than one who is here all the time.

I like the freedom to do what I want, spend what I want (after bills of course), be up as late as I want etc. but then I think after the controlling marriage I had, that is only to be expected.

Petra_70

fatpiggy wrote: »

I've just turned 51 and have never been in an even vaguely serious relationship with anyone. I have accepted it isn't going to happen, if they weren't interested in me in my 20s they certainly won't be in my 50s and older. I'm obviously not what anyone is looking for; I'm no oil painting and I have very masculine interests (my most precious possessions include my trolley jack and telescopic wheel brace!) and I suppose men don't want a woman treading about in THEIR territory.

Living the single life is incredibly expensive - I am a cash-cow to offset the two-for-one meal deals/entry fees/shopping deals. I have only one income stream to pay a mortgage, buy and run a car, pay the household bills, try to have some savings etc etc and no way would I have a holiday. Even the so-called specialist singles holiday companies make you pay for the privilege, they may not mention single room supplements but they sure as hell build them into the price. I looked at one trip and a week away would have cost me over £800 and it wasn't anywhere special either. No, I don't want to be robbed blind thanks.

I find this almost impossible to believe. Yes of course the single life is more expensive as two can live cheaper than one, but I can't believe that £800 is the cheapest that one person can pay for a holiday. Me and DH have been on many coach trips, costing between £99 each for a 3 day weekend in Paris or Ostend, to 10 days in Italy or Croatia, for £319 each.

The single person supplement is only £30-£40 for the cheapest trip, and around £120 for the higher priced ones. So I don't know where you're getting your figures from. The only way it would cost that is if it cost £700 each for the couple. In other words, it still wouldn't cost a lot more for a single person, that it would cost the individual people in the couple.

girlsmum wrote: »

i have been single nearly 5 years now, following the break up of marriage, i want to be single and cope quite well with all that life throws at me.
or at least i dont wan't to live with anyone again as, for the following reasons (as in the case of my ex)

1 fed up of doing all the laundry
2 fed up of doing all the cooking
3 fed up of doing all the cleaning
4 working full time whilst he did jobs as and when they came in (self employed)

All this was whilst he used to sit in front of his TV catching up programmes or on the PC playing game, or going to his gym.

Are you sure you are not my Ex???? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

You really didn't have to do all this. Being 'in a couple' doesn't mean you have to do all the cooking, shopping, laundry, working, childcare etc... If you are allowing this to happen, while your partner sits back and does naff-all, except surf the internet and play video games, then you really only have yourself to blame.

SingleSue wrote: »

I am now finding the weird looks when I comment that I am quite happily single, for some reason people assume I need to have someone around to do things.

I have been married, for quite a lengthy time too and that produced 3 children. At first after the divorce, I found being on my own very scary and was desperate to have someone in my life. It didn't happen for a number of years but eventually, I met an old friend and we started seeing each other romantically.

We had loads of fun going out for a weekly meal, or sitting by the beach or just going for a drive. We were not in each others pockets and we were free to do our own thing in between our weekly outings. We did try one overnight though and I found it just so restricting, no space to spread out in the bed, couldn't sit and read for ages, had to tailor my bed time to his etc....I spent pretty much the entire night awake and out of bed feeling trapped.
Like another poster said previously, I would much rather prefer a part time companion for meals out, events etc rather than one who is here all the time.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being single, if it's what you want, and it makes you happy. But if you were living together, it wouldn't be anything like having an overnighter in a hotel. I never sit up waiting for my husband to go to sleep so I can go, and I don't have to 'tailor my bed time to his,' and I don't find myself 'unable to sit and read,' or with 'restricted space,' because we have more than one room in the house! I stay up and watch telly when he goes to bed (if I want to.)

Upshot is, if you lived with someone, it wouldn't be anything like it would be staying in a hotel room together. It would be totally different, as you would have your own space, and lots of different rooms; maybe even individual bedrooms.

Hermia

Petra_70 wrote: »

I find this almost impossible to believe. Yes of course the single life is more expensive as two can live cheaper than one, but I can't believe that £800 is the cheapest that one person can pay for a holiday. Me and DH have been on many coach trips, costing between £99 each for a 3 day weekend in Paris or Ostend, to 10 days in Italy or Croatia, for £319 each.

The single person supplement is only £30-£40 for the cheapest trip, and around £120 for the higher priced ones. So I don't know where you're getting your figures from. The only way it would cost that is if it cost £700 each for the couple. In other words, it still wouldn't cost a lot more for a single person, that it would cost the individual people in the couple.

And if you arrange everything yourself it is even cheaper. There are really nice budgets hotels all over the world with single rooms. And if you are travelling to Europe the flights can be really cheap. I love travelling solo and I have genuinely had no more problems safety-wise than when I am out and about in the UK. I actually find when you are on your own locals tend to chat to you and help you which doesn't tend to happen when I have travelled with someone else.

Person_one

Petra_70 wrote: »

But if you were living together, it wouldn't be anything like having an overnighter in a hotel. I never sit up waiting for my husband to go to sleep so I can go, and I don't have to 'tailor my bed time to his,' and I don't find myself 'unable to sit and read,' or with 'restricted space,' because we have more than one room in the house! I stay up and watch telly when he goes to bed (if I want to.)

Oh I don't know, I had an ex who used to get really arsey if I wanted to go to bed at a different time to him, or sit and read in bed etc. For some reason he thought it was an indicator of the health of our relationship/sex life if we went to bed together and the bed was just for sleeping and 'relations'! :rotfl:

I don't know how anybody shares a bed long term, unless its an absolutely massive bed with separate duvets. My parents are very happily married, 30+ years, never even argue, but I'm pretty sure they sleep separately quite a lot of the time these days. My friends who are newly married in their thirties only share a bed at weekends when sleep is less precious!

Brighton_belle

Person_one wrote: »

I don't know how anybody shares a bed long term, unless its an absolutely massive bed with separate duvets.

Yup, like this - plus separate mattresses (on super king bed frame: modified by me from double bed frame as that was way too small once we got together).
I don't understand how anyone can share one duvet.

Torry_Quine

Petra_70 wrote: »

I don't think there is anything wrong with being single, if it's what you want, and it makes you happy. But if you were living together, it wouldn't be anything like having an overnighter in a hotel. I never sit up waiting for my husband to go to sleep so I can go, and I don't have to 'tailor my bed time to his,' and I don't find myself 'unable to sit and read,' or with 'restricted space,' because we have more than one room in the house! I stay up and watch telly when he goes to bed (if I want to.)

Upshot is, if you lived with someone, it wouldn't be anything like it would be staying in a hotel room together. It would be totally different, as you would have your own space, and lots of different rooms; maybe even individual bedrooms.

It would never occur to me to go to be at a time different to.my husband. I wouldn't read in bed either if unable to sleep. We watch TV together and compromise on what we watch. Isn't this the way others live?

Person_one wrote: »

Oh I don't know, I had an ex who used to get really arsey if I wanted to go to bed at a different time to him, or sit and read in bed etc. For some reason he thought it was an indicator of the health of our relationship/sex life if we went to bed together and the bed was just for sleeping and 'relations'! :rotfl:

I don't know how anybody shares a bed long term, unless its an absolutely massive bed with separate duvets. My parents are very happily married, 30+ years, never even argue, but I'm pretty sure they sleep separately quite a lot of the time these days. My friends who are newly married in their thirties only share a bed at weekends when sleep is less precious!

Not sharing a bed especially when newly married wouldn't have occuredto us at all, not least as we had no room for a.second bed.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Yup, like this - plus separate mattresses (on super king bed frame: modified by me from double bed frame as that was way too small once we got together).
I don't understand how anyone can share one duvet.

Always sharerd one duvet. Double bed, king size too big.

movilogo

Wish someone could give me following advice before I got married.

Getting married for sex is like buying a jumbo jet for free peanuts

Brighton_belle

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Always sharerd one duvet. Double bed, king size too big.

Probably helps that you were very fortunate to have met your DH young. I was single until I was 39 so much harder I think to get used to another person in the bed (Not that I am complaining, very happy to have him there ) Also re the duvet, I'm a complete thrasher and he lies motionless all night so he'd be duvet-less if we shared .Still entirely possible to snuggle together under the single duvet though until sleep beckons so no loss of cosiness.

Torry_Quine

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Probably helps that you were very very fortunate to have met your DH young. I was single until I was 39 so much harder I think to get used to another person in the bed (Not that I am complaining, very happy to have him there ) Also re the duvet, I'm a complete thrasher and he lies motionless all night so he'd be duvet-less if we shared .Still entirely possible to snuggle together under the single duvet though until sleep beckons so no loss of cosiness.

Until I married I was in a single bed so no extra space though. He does tend to not the duvet but I just take it back from him.