Is it weird wanting to remain single?

mgdavid

Kim_kim wrote: »

I'm not the hostel type :-)
I'm nearly 50, I think that's a much younger scene.

Eh? you'd better be very wrong, as these two retirees are planning on staying in a few hostels this time next year.

System

I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum as i'm one of those people that whilst can manage on their own, has never been 100% happy alone, for me i want someone to share my life with, in fact its pretty much the only consistent thing i've ever wanted in life, to love and be loved.

But i'd never judge anyone who opted to stay single. At the end of the day we all tick along in different ways. I suppose people assume its "weird" because we are hardwired to believe that we should be in a relationship. Honestly some people are happy single, and so they should be. Its not for me or anyone else to judge.

Savvy_Sue

heuchera wrote: »

Better to be unhappily single than unhappily married.. but is it better to be happily single than happily married?

Now THAT's a profound question!

I'd suggest that it's impossible to be happily married if you've never been happily single, and a lot of people don't 'get' that, setting their hearts on finding that perfect person who actually isn't really out there at all.

Anyway, I know quite a few single people who live perfectly contented lives, I'm sure in most cases it wasn't a conscious decision NOT to find a life partner, just it never happened and they've now reached a stage where they don't expect it will, and they're certainly not looking for it.

Having said that, I know a lady who married for the first time in her 60s!

coolcait

welshlad_82 wrote: »

I have been single for about 12 years roughly and lived on my own for 8 years, but people often say: When you are going to meet someone? Your a lovely bloke someone will be lucky to have you? You are brilliant to your nephews, do you want any of your own?

My answer, no I prefer being single with no kids and reasons why:
- Living on my own, can do what I want when I want.
- I don't have to consider others when doing something.
- I don't have to comprise on things.
- I go to the gym 3/4 times a week and the free time I have I catchup on TV shows and go on the Xbox One - finding the time is an issue
- Money is another issue, I have like £300 left after all bills etc and no doubt "wining and dining" this will swallow up fast.
- I love taking my nephews out for the day and spending time with them, I couldn't do this full time as a parent.

I have not signed up to any dating sites, I don't make the effort when on a night out to look for someone, recently a friend recommended a cousin of his who moved back home from Canada. I had to gently turn it down for the reasons above (I felt/feel terrible doing this).

Is it weird wanting to be single? Surely it's a life choice like looking for a partner and wanting to be in a relationship?

zagfles wrote: »

It's not weird wanting to be single but some of your reasons are.

You don't have to have kids if you're in a relationship.
You can still do your own stuff, plenty of couples live fairly independant lives, you don't have to be in each others' pockets all the time.
Money - most self respecting women these days don't expect to be "wine and dined", it's the 21st century, not the 1950's. You can find stuff to do together that you both enjoy and that you'd have done anyway, and pay your own way. No extra cost in fact you could save doing things together.

And living with someone is far cheaper than living alone as there's 2 of you paying the bills, I used to live alone and was far better off financially when my (now) wife moved in with me.

I'm not saying being single is wrong or anything just that your reasons seem to making assumptions of how being in a relationships would negatively affect your life. It doesn't have to be like that if you find the right partner. For instance I love travelling and go away frequently on my own, not an issue, my wife goes down the gym 3/4 times a week like you and does loads of other stuff without me, not an issue.

Person_one wrote: »

^^This is something I've noticed a lot. Attempts to convince you to change your mind, or that you don't actually know your own mind.

Its as if because being coupled up is the default, people think you need a better reason than 'I don't want that' for not being. They think your single status needs to be justified and explained to their satisfaction!

I find the above series of posts interesting because - as I see it - they illustrate how people see things differently.


The first post - the first post on this thread - sets out the OP's position on being single as opposed to being in a relationship. Fair enough.


However, the OP didn't stop at "I prefer being single with no kids", which is absolutely his/her prerogative. The post went on to give reasons for the OP's preference.


Some of those reasons showed, IMO, a lack of understanding of the way that relationships work for many modern couples.


Post 2 offered a point of view from that angle - that some of the OP's 'reasons' didn't necessarily hold true for others. Post 2 refrained from pointing out that the first post on the thread could be seen as having a very old-fashioned - even derogatory - view of what a 'relationship' entails. I'll take the responsibility for having pointed that out.


Post 3 took Post 2 as an attempt to change Poster 1's mind, or a suggestion that Poster 1 didn't know his/her own mind.


I'm struggling to see how that interpretation works with the facts of the other posts.

Torry_Quine

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Now THAT's a profound question!

I'd suggest that it's impossible to be happily married if you've never been happily single, and a lot of people don't 'get' that, setting their hearts on finding that perfect person who actually isn't really out there at all.

Anyway, I know quite a few single people who live perfectly contented lives, I'm sure in most cases it wasn't a conscious decision NOT to find a life partner, just it never happened and they've now reached a stage where they don't expect it will, and they're certainly not looking for it.

Having said that, I know a lady who married for the first time in her 60s!

I disagree that you need to be happily single before being happily married. I went from parental home to married home and had no desire to ever live on my own. I certainly wasn't happily single then.

Hermia

I always find it odd that we all accept that people suit different careers, different hobbies, living in different places, but we expect everyone to partner up. OP - be open to meeting people, but if you realise the single life is for you that is great too. I have three friends in their 70s who stayed single by choice and none of them regret it.

bluelass wrote: »

At this moment you are a young man of 33 or 34? and enjoying life with dare I mention the odd hook up. One day when you are aged and possibly infirm you might well look back with regret eg you would have no one to look after for you and would have to go into care. We all get older the earth waits for no one but I hope you enjoy your young care free years.

Or possibly he could end up with someone who gets ill and will spend years as their carer. That is not something that everyone wants or finds easy.

Hermia

Kim_kim wrote: »

I'm not the hostel type :-)
I'm nearly 50, I think that's a much younger scene.

Definitely not. The age group is definitely very varied in hostels now and some of them are as nice as hotels inside.

moneyistooshorttomention

zagfles wrote: »

Money - most self respecting women these days don't expect to be "wine and dined", it's the 21st century, not the 1950's. You can find stuff to do together that you both enjoy and that you'd have done anyway, and pay your own way. No extra cost in fact you could save doing things together.

And living with someone is far cheaper than living alone as there's 2 of you paying the bills, I used to live alone and was far better off financially when my (now) wife moved in with me.

.

Puzzled now - as the second of these paragraphs relate to something I said in my post (ie its dearer to be single - because of having to pay all the bills on one's own).

But the first paragraph bears no relation to anything I've said on the thread:huh::huh::huh:

selement

People can be the same about people who say they never want children, a friend of mine has said since she was a teenager (now late 20s) she never wants children but people still don't accept it and assume she'll change her mind someday (think she'd have been happy to have tubes tied but doctors don't allow young women to have this done for no medical benefit because of risk of changing mind). I am very happy in my relationship, but before that I was happily single (in my pre uni and first year of uni I was happy to turn people down as I saw it as the wrong time and was happy enough enjoying my time single). I think people just struggle to accept that not everyone in the world has to want the same things from life.

I will agree with others that the right person could make you very happy but I don't blame you for feeling like you don't want to seek them out!

onlyroz

Person_one wrote: »

^^This is something I've noticed a lot. Attempts to convince you to change your mind, or that you don't actually know your own mind.

Its as if because being coupled up is the default, people think you need a better reason than 'I don't want that' for not being. They think your single status needs to be justified and explained to their satisfaction!

Thing is he didn't just give "I don't want that" as a reason. The fact is that it *is* cheaper living as a (child free) couple than as a singleton, so if the OP is going to give financial reasons for being single then it's fair enough to point that out.

However I don't see why the OP needs to justify himself if he is genuinely happier on his own.