Is it weird wanting to remain single?

JP08

I can totally sympathise with the OP's position - lived on my own from 1992 to 2010. Got really fed up with the constant expectation of others to fit their conceptions of the norm. Or (polite) speculation as to my sexuality (even from the old dear across the road !!!!!!).

Couple of comments on a few other comments here - and a warning from my own experience.

Financially it was the best time of my life. Yes two can live together cheaper than two singletons if they have to. But it doesn't normally work like that in practice. Especially if you're the male in the relationship. As a solo male I didn't care what car I drove, what age sofa I sat on, the fact I'd taken the kitchen apart 5 years before and not refitted it, or that the house was tiny. Consequently my outgoings were absolutely minimal.

Women can strike out of the blue and turn the whole thing upside down. In my case, it was the flurry of late running arms and legs that threw themselves into the last remaining seat next to me on the train in late 2008. Been married five years now. So never say never.

And the warning.
It's easy to spiral in on yourself.
When I was a teenager I had a job in a local holiday camp shop. An old boy used to come in every morning for milk and tobacco. Looked (and sometimes smelt) like a tramp, lived in a ramshackle timber bungalow down a track along the sea wall.
By 2008 I'd reached the point where, as the solo life and outgoings had got smaller and smaller, I was actually starting to look forward to getting away from the rest of the world. I'd got the cash, was looking forward to the payoff from the next reshuffle at work, and scanning rightmove for the isolated bolthole. I've no doubt that, had events not panned out in 2008 as they did, I would be well on the way to becoming that old bloke from the holiday shop of my youth.

tea_lover

With regards to a few previous posts about costs, I've always found it much cheaper living on my own than with a partner. My costs now are a good 25% less than this time last year - I'm in the same house but my ex has moved out.

Mr_Toad

welshlad_82 wrote: »

I have been single for about 12 years roughly and lived on my own for 8 years, but people often say: When you are going to meet someone? Your a lovely bloke someone will be lucky to have you? You are brilliant to your nephews, do you want any of your own?

My answer, no I prefer being single with no kids and reasons why:
- Living on my own, can do what I want when I want.
- I don't have to consider others when doing something.
- I don't have to comprise on things.
- I go to the gym 3/4 times a week and the free time I have I catchup on TV shows and go on the Xbox One - finding the time is an issue
- Money is another issue, I have like £300 left after all bills etc and no doubt "wining and dining" this will swallow up fast.
- I love taking my nephews out for the day and spending time with them, I couldn't do this full time as a parent.

I have not signed up to any dating sites, I don't make the effort when on a night out to look for someone, recently a friend recommended a cousin of his who moved back home from Canada. I had to gently turn it down for the reasons above (I felt/feel terrible doing this).

Is it weird wanting to be single? Surely it's a life choice like looking for a partner and wanting to be in a relationship?

Not at all, it's a very personal choice and whatever you want is the right choice for you.

I was married, we grew apart but are still great friends. We have two grown up children.

I have been single since I was 45, I am now 58 and find living alone suits me very well.

I am very happy with my life and was fortunate enough to be able to retire at 55, I mention this because living alone when in full time work with all the social interaction involved is very different to being retired where you are potentially at home alone every day.

Like you I enjoy the freedom, I can do what I want when I want. This week I'm on an archaeological dig, something I started doing now I have the time. I have a wide circle of friends and activities and am never bored. Tonight is guitar jam night with friends :cool: followed by a curry.

I always make my position clear to girlfriends, that I'm not looking for a live in relationship or marriage. I have never been short of female company but inevitably they are looking for something more permanent and as they put it 'secure' and I have no problem with that.

My ideal girlfriend would be the female equivalent of me, happy to live alone with her own social life who wants a man in her life for a drink midweek or when other commitments allow, meals out as a couple or with friends and a partner for couples occasions. I have a black tie dinner in March and the current girlfriend is ecstatic, the only fly in the ointment was being taken shopping for the new evening dress but I manned up and went with her and she's going to look gorgeous, a slender six foot blonde in midnight blue.

My problem is that so many people really find my lifestyle odd, unnatural even. I've been told that I'm depressed and in denial and that I need a good woman to sort me out. Some women in particular feel that it's a waste, irresponsible even, that I'm somehow depriving someone of a perfectly good husband.

I've even been told it's time to grow up! As if being single is somehow childish or selfish.

Then there are the friends, always female, who are constantly fixing me up with dates with single friends. I've actually met some lovely people like this so have no issue with their trying sort me out.

Stevie_Palimo

Do what ever makes you happy here. For me being single would be a no go situation as I hate being on my own.

Grenage

welshlad_82 wrote: »

Is it weird wanting to be single?

Yes, yes it is; you complete freak.

Of course it's not, you should do whatever makes you happy; there are pros and cons to both sides.

mikeeboy

Not weird, but not normal either.

By not normal, I mean, most of people go through the the textbook of life.
Get a job, get a partner, "settle down", house, kids etc. But I wonder how many of those couples/families are just going through the motions because "that's what people do".

I'm slightly jealous.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

If you're single, people ask why you are; if you have a partner they ask when you're getting married; if you're married they want to know when you're having kids or why not. Presumably this continues into nursing homes where old dears interrogate each other as to how regularly and dutifully their offspring visit!

Note that I've been going out with someone for ~2 years and we live 2 hours apart. This means we have our own lives, but value the time we spend together at weekends. You don't have to give up all independence in a relationship; I still spend the odd day in my pjs watching rubbish (a guilty pleasure is Don't Tell The Bride....)

Double_V

No I don't think that is weird.
You live your life the way you want.

I wish you all best of luck for everything. And enjoy.

burnoutbabe

welshlad_82 wrote: »

I have been single for about 12 years roughly and lived on my own for 8 years, but people often say: When you are going to meet someone? Your a lovely bloke someone will be lucky to have you? You are brilliant to your nephews, do you want any of your own?

My answer, no I prefer being single with no kids and reasons why:
- Living on my own, can do what I want when I want.
- I don't have to consider others when doing something.
- I don't have to comprise on things.
- I go to the gym 3/4 times a week and the free time I have I catchup on TV shows and go on the Xbox One - finding the time is an issue
- Money is another issue, I have like £300 left after all bills etc and no doubt "wining and dining" this will swallow up fast.
- I love taking my nephews out for the day and spending time with them, I couldn't do this full time as a parent.

I have not signed up to any dating sites, I don't make the effort when on a night out to look for someone, recently a friend recommended a cousin of his who moved back home from Canada. I had to gently turn it down for the reasons above (I felt/feel terrible doing this).

Is it weird wanting to be single? Surely it's a life choice like looking for a partner and wanting to be in a relationship?

I do all that, watch the tv shows i want, play on my xbox one. But my other half lets me get on and does this, whilst he programs. We mostly both do what we want as well. Just let the other know we are going out on x night to do stuff (mostly week nights) and the other person does own thing.

So the trick is, to find the right person.

thriftylass

I don't think you are weird at all. I have been single till I was 26 and all I ever wanted was a husband and kids etc. Now at 38 I am married with two kids and there are days where I wish I was single again for the exact reasons you stated. Having seen both sides and experienced them I am not made for family life. I love my kids and of course would never leave them or my husband but I struggle sometimes and wish I was on my own. Some people are just like that, happy in their own company, nothing weird about it. Live you're live the way you want.