Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

missbiggles1

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Sister isn't married, I guess I'm hurt she didn't say, " I'm asking X to be my maid of Honour as she is my sister but I want you to be involved, and organise xyz" I'll offer to help in any way I can of course, but I'll feel like I'm elbowing my way in to a wedding I'm nothing more than a guest at, rather than helping my best friend on the biggest day of her life. I'm probably being over sensitive at the moment it's just got me questioning if she wants me involved at all.

I'd be a bit careful about saying that - it's supposed to be an honour to be chosen to be a bridesmaid, even if not the chief one.

Vampgirl

I think the other posters have probably hit the nail on the head: she probably had to choose her sister in order to keep the family peace. You mention that she's finding wedding planning hard - could this be because she is finding family expectations difficult to cope with?

Its odd she hasn't spoken to you about it, but maybe she's nervous or embarrassed about it or doesn't know how to bring up the subject. I'm sure if you offered your help anyway she would welcome the opening - maybe she really wants your help/involvement but doesn't feel she can ask you seeing she has to have her sister as MOH and you won't get the "glory" on the day. If the sisters aren't close it could even be she isn't particularly looking forward to the whole "getting ready part" and really would prefer to have you there to help her on the day.

There's no real reason why any of the normal MOH "jobs" actually need to be done by the MOH - the bride can ask anyone to do them (or do them herself) if she likes. I had my sister as my MOH too - but I organised my own hen do, all she had to do was choose her dress and turn up on the day. Traditions are there to be broken ;-)

GlasweJen

From the bride to bes point of view this decision has probably come from mum. I have 2 sister and was MOH for both, one was too young to sign the register at the first wedding and the other was seriously annoyed not to be MOH for the other as "she's the big sister" but at the end of the day I'm the organised one and when I gave my big sister 1 small task for the hen night my big sister stuffed it completely and I had to organise transport for the hen night 2 days before smack bang in the middle of wedding season - nightmare!

Anyway when it came to choosing my MOH I asked younger sister, we are closer and she has only been bridesmaid once and that was when she was quite young and for older sister. My older sister has been MOH/bridesmaid 5 times.

I have little sister, best friend and 3 nieces. Big sister isn't happy as she wanted to be bridesmaid but she's really a bit old for it and I think it would be weird as I'm having her teenagers as my bridesmaids. Big sister will probably be asked to do one of the readings and if she isn't happy with that then tough. Wedding planning is stressful enough without having to pander to everyone who feels they deserve whatever roll for whatever reason

DigForVictory

Of course not being chosen hurts. However, better to be the reliable friend now, during & after the ceremony than get near triggering a family civil war.

Not only is blood thicker than water, it's darn tricky to wash out, spatters over a wide range & is unpleasantly memorable - where possible anyone is well advised to avoid spillage. I don't know if your friend is under any family pressure picking her team, but I'd lay odds it isn't exclusively her day - she'll be following a pile of other folks' expectations too.

Be there on the day, even if "only" as a guest, and be there for her to vent to as the whole craziness spins. You don't need a fancy title to help her stay sane, & possibly married.

arbrighton

She told you when she got engaged, first, you're making the cake, so you are involved. Dealing with family and guests and seating plans is hard enough without a grown adult friend behaving like a six year old.....

I had my sister as my only bridesmaid so I guess maid of honour but there was never any question on that. However, i had two good friends as hens and one of those offered lots of help, and almost made/ decorated the cake until I went a bit bridezilla on that as she had been there and done all of it, albeit before we met. But i was so happy to see everyone there who we had invited and share our day with them. And my poor hens had to see me suffering with gastroenteritis on the night in question

DKLS

Gigervamp wrote: »

800 guests? :eek:

Yup and that was considered a "small"wedding in his culture. It was like a military operation to feed that many people, the caterers were awesome.

After he said he hated it and only knew about 100 of the guests the rest were invited for political and saving face reasons by the two dads, my mate preferred the smaller ceremony at the registry office and a meal at a local restaurant.

Person_one

Semi-related question, when did people start using the Americanism 'Maid of Honor' instead of Chief Bridesmaid?

Soundgirlrocks

missbiggles1 wrote: »

I'd be a bit careful about saying that - it's supposed to be an honour to be chosen to be a bridesmaid, even if not the chief one.

I'm not a bridesmaid, she is just having her sister. But I know what you mean, I shouldn't say just a guest it is a honour to be invited

Vampgirl

Person_one wrote: »

Semi-related question, when did people start using the Americanism 'Maid of Honor' instead of Chief Bridesmaid?

Personally I don't think I've ever used either in real life conversation...but the OP used it here so in my post I just kept to her phrase for the sake of clarity.

Polmop

I agree she has probably asked her sister because she had to, but is now too embarrassed to ask you for help because of it