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Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

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  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    edited 15 January 2016 at 5:34PM
    At the end of the day "Maid of Honour" is just a phrase, and you're making all sorts of assumptions about what this actually means. I'd suggest you ask your friend about the ways you can help her out and not worry about having some relatively meaningless title bestowed on you.


    As for the phrase "Maid of Honour", I thought it was a cake:


    http://www.theoriginalmaidsofhonour.co.uk/
  • POPPYOSCAR
    POPPYOSCAR Posts: 14,902 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    She is only having one bridesmaid and that is her sister.


    Traditionally it was family members that were bridesmaids so perhaps she is just sticking to tradition.


    She also may have other friends that may feel left out so decided to just have her sister.


    If she had left you out over other friends I could understand your upset but not over her having one bridesmaid and that being her own sister.
  • Torry_Quine
    Torry_Quine Posts: 18,872 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Person_one wrote: »
    Really? Because maid means an unmarried woman (or a virgin! :cool:) hence 'maiden name'. It wouldn't make any sense to use it that way.
    it is more usual to be matron of honour but I have heard maid, presumably people aren't sure of the real meaning. :rotfl:
    Lost my soulmate so life is empty.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
  • euronorris
    euronorris Posts: 12,247 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper PPI Party Pooper
    My sister was my MOH because a) I was hers, b) I have 3 very close friends that I simply did not want to choose between and c) my sister was the only one who had been married previously and therefore knew more about what the planning process actually involves (and she loves the planning! lol).


    My 3 closest friends were still bridesmaids, and they still helped out my sister with organising the hen do (which sis was very grateful of with 2 young LO's to look after) and I still asked my bridesmaids to help with a few bits & pieces (such as texting one frantically the day before the wedding having realised I had completely forgotten to buy a guestbook!!).


    I couldn't have done it without any of them, am so grateful for their help and certainly don't feel like I love any of them more or less. There all family to me. I had to choose someone, so it made sense to choose my sister based on the reasons I listed above.
    February wins: Theatre tickets
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    My best friend of 10 years is getting married in a few months and I'm so excited for her, it not been an easy ride for her and her fiancee and I have been the shoulder to cry on on numerous occasions. I was the first person she called when they got engaged and have been sent dress photos and venue info and I'm making the cake for them.

    The subject of maid of honour or bridesmaid hadn't been brought up and I thought she might not actually be having one (it's a small wedding) but I found out she has asked her sister to be Maid of Honour, they aren't close and whilst I understand she is family, I'm really hurt.

    I was looking forward to helping her get ready, and sharing all the special memories with her, planning her hen party and I feel I need to step aside and let her sister do all of that. My bestie didnt indicated she wants me to help with any of that so I don't feel I can get involved. I'm trying not to let myself feel bitter and keep telling myself it doesn't matter but it has really upset me. Has anybody here been in a similar situation? If I tell her I'm upset she'll get stressed which is the last thing I want, I know she is finding wedding planning hard enough (another reason I'm hurt is I want to help make the whole thing easier for her) but if I don't mention it it feels like it will fester. She knows she would be my maid of honour as I asked her when my ex proposed to me.:(

    OP I really hope this is a knee-jerk initial reaction from you, you've come for a rant here, and then you'll calm down, be happy with the choices your best friend has made regarding who's doing what in her wedding, and enjoy it with her.
  • pickledonionspaceraider
    pickledonionspaceraider Posts: 2,698 Forumite
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    edited 15 January 2016 at 6:50PM
    When planning a wedding, it can feel that friends and family come with their own set of demands as to what they expect


    I wouldn't mention any of this to her. It will only result in making her feel bad
    With love, POSR <3
  • balletshoes
    balletshoes Posts: 16,610 Forumite
    Person_one wrote: »
    Semi-related question, when did people start using the Americanism 'Maid of Honor' instead of Chief Bridesmaid?

    good question - I'm in my 40s, my mum is 70, and when she tells us about her wedding, in the 1960s, and her sisters', she's always referred to who was maid or matron of honour, not chief bridesmaid.
  • Filey
    Filey Posts: 315 Forumite
    The correct term for a grown-up (or married) bridesmaid is Matron of Honour. A Maid is a girl. But I expect a lot of women don't like to be considered matronly, so any age of attendant is called a Bridesmaid these days.
  • gt568
    gt568 Posts: 2,535 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper
    If first world problems are out, what is in?

    White mans problems?
    Middle class problems?

    I don't want to be out of date with internet lingo! That would be a serious problem.
    {Signature removed by Forum Team}
  • dirty_magic
    dirty_magic Posts: 1,145 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker I've been Money Tipped!
    My friend only had one bridesmaid for her wedding, also her sister, but she asked her closest friends to meet her in her hotel room on the morning of the wedding and they all had their hair done together.

    Tell your friend that you feel a bit upset about it, she'll understand if you're that close. I'm sure she'll reassure you that she does want you to be involved!
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