Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

ellesbellesxxx

It's really hard to keep everyone happy - I had my sis in law (My brother's wife who I have been best friends with for years) as my MOH and only bridesmaid, plus a good friend's daughter as flower girl. However, I had wanted to ask a couple of other friends but my MIL was wanting me to ask my OH's sis and his brother's gf...both of whom are lovely but I am not so close to. I decided by only having one bridesmaid that it would be simpler. You don't know what other politics are going on.

I read it that you are doing your friend's cake - that's a huge responsibility and I expect she feels you are doing lots already. Why not just say you are happy to help elsewhere if needed?

bylromarha

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I seriously doubt that this was the case. You were just irrelevant to her. You may have been the 'bestie' of her husband, but you were obviously not important to her. She would have had her own female friends and female family members who helped her organise things. If you had been someone significant in the bride's life, you would have been more involved.

When my husband and I got married, at the turn of the century, he had a couple of female friends (work colleagues,) who I hardly knew, and I didn't see any reason to have them involved in the arrangements for our wedding. My mother, my sisters, my nieces, and 2 best friends at the time were the females in my life who were involved in my wedding. My husband's 2 female friends (from work) were the last people I thought of when I was rallying people around to help me. They were his friends, not mine, and he certainly wasn't bothered about them getting involved.

Do you think maybe you were the one who was intimidated by your male friend's new wife? Rather than her being intimidated by you? IMO, it sounds like it from your post.

Why did I not see this before? Obviously this was the case. Work colleague = best friend. Very similar situation to mine you're describing. Wish I'd had you there at the time to point out how insecure I obviously was in my joy that bestie had finally found the love of his life...who'd been under all our noses for 5 years.

burnoutbabe

fierystormcloud wrote: »

I seriously doubt that this was the case. You were just irrelevant to her. You may have been the 'bestie' of her husband, but you were obviously not important to her. She would have had her own female friends and female family members who helped her organise things. If you had been someone significant in the bride's life, you would have been more involved.

When my husband and I got married, at the turn of the century, he had a couple of female friends (work colleagues,) who I hardly knew, and I didn't see any reason to have them involved in the arrangements for our wedding. My mother, my sisters, my nieces, and 2 best friends at the time were the females in my life who were involved in my wedding. My husband's 2 female friends (from work) were the last people I thought of when I was rallying people around to help me. They were his friends, not mine, and he certainly wasn't bothered about them getting involved.

Do you think maybe you were the one who was intimidated by your male friend's new wife? Rather than her being intimidated by you? IMO, it sounds like it from your post.

I'm sure the poster was saying she would have wanted to be best man/woman for the groom, not anything on the brides side?

SandC

Your friend probably wants you to just rock up and have a bloody good time. Helping her to celebrate the most important day of her life instead of having 'duties' all day long. The cake will be done in advance so you can relax and enjoy...... I'm sure that's pretty much what she's hoping for.... enjoy it for what it is! ��

gt568

OP- If you're still upset, you could do a really gash job of the cake. Make it dry or tasteless. That'll teach her for not picking you.....;)

Petra_70

gt568 wrote: »

OP- If you're still upset, you could do a really gash job of the cake. Make it dry or tasteless. That'll teach her for not picking you.....;)

Sorry, but .............. :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

indiepanda

I do wonder why people insist on tying themselves up in knots over these things. My sister and I get on ok but I wouldn't say we are that close, yet myself and her oldest childhood friend were her two bridesmaids at her wedding.

In the unlikely event I get married, I would automatically ask her - partly as it would seem rude if I didn't given I was hers, and mainly because it saves having to pick which of my friends to ask and risking hurting someone who thinks it should have been "their" job.

As others have said, marriage makes someone part of your family, so asking a family member makes perfect sense, and might not even have been your friends first choice.

Anyway, the one wedding I was chief bridesmaid for I enjoyed way less than the ones where I was a guest. Stood in the sun for ages getting burned having photos done when everyone else was enjoying champagne, having to tell the bride's mother I preferred a different bridemaid's dress to the one she had chosen because the bride couldn't stand up to her, having multiple fittings for it nd it ending up too snug because the shop messed up the first alteration, having to sit next to the groom's boorish father over dinner and hearing him being rude to the waitresses. Don't get me wrong I was happy to be asked and wouldn't have dreamed of not doing it, but it's not all fun.

Mainly I was just thrilled she'd split from the horrible guy she was with when we first met and became friends and got together with a lovely guy she is still with now (must be at least 17-18 years since the wedding I think).

Dizzy_Ditzy

I am my bestie MOH. She was her sisters.

Dear goodness I hope said sister doesn't hate me because I am and she's not :eek:

Offer to help with things, liaise with the sister to see if there's anything you can help with.

And be grateful that it's not you having sleepless nights trying to make sure the hen weekend/do are as perfect as they can be :rotfl:

Anatidaephobia

Some people just choose family members for things like this. In my OH's extended family, everyone always seems to choose a relative (preferably brother or sister, if possible) to be the bridesmaids/best man/godfather/godmother etc even if they have friends they are much closer to who would appear to fit the role better and often end up doing most of the tasks involved but without the title. If you ask why they chose their relative instead of best friend, they will proudly say "because he's my brother" or something along those lines.

My OH struggled for a long time to choose his best man out of four choices - three friends and his brother. We talked about it in depth and he admitted that if he were to rate them in order of closeness his brother would come last. But he still felt like he had to choose his brother because a) it's his brother and b) his brother would expect to be chosen. He has eventually chosen his best friend of over 25 years instead but really struggled with the decision.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

It seems that some people (pretty much all women) spend a lot of their lives planning their wedding, and getting overly sensitive about other people's weddings.

Could it be that your friend is one of those who like weddings but don't obsess over them, and has dutifully allocated her sister as bridesmaid without any deeper thought? She might genuinely be surprised that you're bothered if she's not the type to care that much herself.