Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

gt568

I need closure!!!!!

Do we have an update OP????:beer:

Pollycat

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

It seems that some people (pretty much all women) spend a lot of their lives planning their wedding, and getting overly sensitive about other people's weddings.

In your 'pretty much all women' please do exclude me - who had 2 register office weddings and no fancy frock at either 'do'.
I've never given a toss about anybody else's weddings.

Lily-Rose_3

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

It seems that some people (pretty much all women) spend a lot of their lives planning their wedding, and getting overly sensitive about other people's weddings.

Could it be that your friend is one of those who like weddings but don't obsess over them, and has dutifully allocated her sister as bridesmaid without any deeper thought? She might genuinely be surprised that you're bothered if she's not the type to care that much herself.

Pollycat wrote: »

In your 'pretty much all women' please do exclude me - who had 2 register office weddings and no fancy frock at either 'do'.
I've never given a toss about anybody else's weddings.

Same here. *I* didn't spend a lot of my life planning OUR wedding. It took 6 weeks from start to finish!

So don't include ME in your 'pretty much all women' generalisation either!

Torry_Quine

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Same here. *I* didn't spend a lot of my life planning OUR wedding. It took 6 weeks from start to finish!

So don't include ME in your 'pretty much all women' generalisation either!

Or me. I never even thought about my wedding until engaged. It was arranged simply and easily

tea_lover

Nor me, didn't think about my wedding until I was engaged. Arranged it all pretty quickly. Haven't given it a second thought since.

Katychaos

It is a shame you are disappointed because you expected your best friend to ask you to be maid of honour. Have you ever had any discussion (before she met the bloke/when she got engaged/ever) about what sort of wedding she would want?

Where does your expectation about your role in the wedding ceremony come from? Your disappointment seems excessive to me, unless your best friend had told you that when she got married you would be her MofH. If that was the case, ie she had said that, then being disappointed for a very short space of time is reasonable.

if she hadn't said that then you need to align your expectation with reality, buy a great outfit and go along to the wedding of your best friend knowing that you and she have a special bond that doesn't require any public show. In any case you are likely to get a mention in the speeches because you are making a fabulous cake for your best friend and her new husband.

Caroline_a

Whatever happened to a nice quiet wedding because you want to make a commitment to someone, rather than something that resembles a Coronation??

To say nothing about the cost! **wanders off mumbling grumpily**

Lily-Rose_3

She has every right to feel hurt and miffed; many people would. I can understand why the friend would ask her sister, as blood is thicker than water, but the OP still has a right to feel a bit put out by it. She certainly doesn't deserve to be mocked; nor does she deserve to have her worries ridiculed.

Soundgirlrocks

I came on here to asked how other have dealt with this sort of thing because the person I would normally confide in is my best friend (not possible as obviously I don't want to cause her any additional stress) I was surprised at how I felt and wanted to hear from others who might have had a similar experience.

It's not about recognition, or the title or any of that. It was about wanting to be there to help her get ready, organising a brilliant hen party for her and supporting her though the wedding planning and the day it's self.

A bit of time to reflect and hear from others has help me realise that the best support I can be is just to let her know I am here when and for whatever she needs.

Emotions aren't something we can easily control, how we act on them is. I have no intention of letting the little hurt I felt, damage the relationship I have with my best friend.

Relationships and emotions aren't a first world problem. Humans across the globe have friends/ family / people close to them and have to navigate how they act and relate to those around them.

Thank you to those that helped me get a bit of perspective that her choice isn't reflection of our friendship.

thorsoak

Are you married? Did she help you arrange your wedding?

Maybe its a generation me thing - but when I got married, my husband and I arranged OUR wedding with lots of input from our families. Best friends may be important - but arranging a wedding is surely between husband and wife?