Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

LutonGirl

In my experience friendships last longer than weddings and in some cases, marriages. You might not be the bridesmaid, or chief bridesmaid (I thought you were only Maid/Matron of Honour if you were married yourself) but you will probably find she will need and want you in the planning and preparation of her big day anyway - especially if she's not that close to her sister anyway and this "appointment" is more of a political one.

Weddings bring out the best and worst in all families.

codemonkey

I had to deal with family politics and a resulting family feud from wedding planning - we're from large families and were limited in numbers - someone took offence when I didn't invite his adult son for the full day. I hadn't seen his son since he was a baby as his father cut contact to avoid paying child support. Something so small ended up splitting the family down the middle. Weddings are nuts and bring out the crazy in people. I had people asking to bring their partner's mothers hamster, not to mention the guest who repeatedly refused a plus one then turned up on the day with a partner and the people who just did not show up despite rsvping yes. Not to mention my utter shambles of a hen night where a sober me had to get someone out of the police station and someone else to the hospital.

I went with family bridesmaids hoping to avoid drama from the family. I wish I'd chosen my best friend as she would have been a much better choice, but I did it in an attempt to keep the peace.

You probably feel a bit disappointed and a tiny bit betrayed but she's going to need you in the planning stages to keep her sane when her mother is insisting on inviting great aunt Mildred's poodle and trying to devise a seating plan where the divorced couple who hate each other are on opposite sides of the room and the warring cousins are kept apart and her brother has to be kept away from anyone ginger as he will say something offensive and start a fight (or is that just my family?).

Family politics are difficult to negotiate at the best of times, let alone when there are the expectations of family around weddings, so accept that its ok to feel the way you feel but your friend is under massive amounts of pressure to please everyone and really needs you.

gt568

Person_one wrote: »

You could post that on nearly every thread on this forum, but what would be the point?

True, but this one seemed particularly frivolous.

My best mate just got married, was I p1ssed not to be best man? Hell no, I actually got to enjoy the stag do and wedding.

tea_lover

gt568 wrote: »

True, but this one seemed particularly frivolous.

My best mate just got married, was I p1ssed not to be best man? Hell no, I actually got to enjoy the stag do and wedding.

You have a standard of living that allows you internet access, entertainment with friends, nights out. You can read and write. You can choose whether to get married or not, and who to. Of course this is a 'first world problem' (horrible phrase). Someone who is living on a rubbish dump and scavenging for food is unlikely to be posting on an online forum.

Takeaway_Addict

gt568 wrote: »

I wish I had some first world problems....:rotfl:

I'm sure you do....

I must be the only one thinking the OP should at least say she was disappointed.

Torry_Quine

In my experience the term Maid of Honour is used when the chief or only bridesmaid is herself married.

System

gt568 wrote: »

My best mate just got married, was I p1ssed not to be best man? Hell no, I actually got to enjoy the stag do and wedding.

You rarely, if ever, get men posting this kind of scenario on here.

gt568

tea_lover wrote: »

You have a standard of living that allows you internet access, entertainment with friends, nights out. You can read and write. You can choose whether to get married or not, and who to. Of course this is a 'first world problem' (horrible phrase). Someone who is living on a rubbish dump and scavenging for food is unlikely to be posting on an online forum.

Indeed, they're probably chuffed their "BFF" is getting married and might get out of the rubbish dump.:T

gt568

Takeaway_Addict wrote: »

I'm sure you do....

Dude, trust me, you do not want to open that can of worms...;)

TBagpuss

thriftyemma wrote: »

"Maid of Honour" literally means honorary maiden. Traditionally, bridesmaids were unwed women, or maidens, who helped the bride prepare. So if you wanted to have a married woman as your bridesmaid, she would be granted the title of honorary maiden for the day, or "Maid of Honour". Maid of Honour is not an Americanism, although it does seem to have become interchangeable with Chief Bridesmaid.

Maids of Honour were initially women who served a queen or princess, they provided companionship and practical hep, in return they got spocial status, knoweldge of court etiquette etc and the opportunity to meet well-connected men to marry.
It was usual for them to be unmarried but not absloutely essential - you did get the ocassional widow!

It was then imported in marriage tradtions and remained in use in the USA after falling out of use in this country, so it is not a true Americanism, just something which, like hallowe'en was exported to the USA from England and then re-imported.

It is common , in weddigns, to use 'Matron of Honour' if the adttendant is herself married, but it's not a hard and fast rule.

OP, as others have said, it is very unlikely that your friend intended to slight you in any way. It is quite common for people to chose only family members - it does not necessarily mean that ther ehas been any pressure , it may simply be that it didn't occur to them to do it any differently.

Please don't assume that this is in any way a slight or a reflection of your friendship with the bride.