Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

Soundgirlrocks

arbrighton wrote: »

She told you when she got engaged, first, you're making the cake, so you are involved. Dealing with family and guests and seating plans is hard enough without a grown adult friend behaving like a six year old.....

Which is why I haven't said anything to her, I can't change the way I feel, I can make sure it doesn't affect our friendship or make it harder for her.

With regard to the cake, I have a small cake business so it was automatic I would do the cake as a wedding present, I do that for all my close friends and family.

tea_lover

Think of it as a great excuse to choose your own outfit for the day rather than ending up with someone else's colour scheme or style ideas

In 5/10/20 years time you will hopefully still be good friends, the MOH thing won't matter at all.

thriftyemma

Person_one wrote: »

Semi-related question, when did people start using the Americanism 'Maid of Honour' instead of Chief Bridesmaid?

"Maid of Honour" literally means honorary maiden. Traditionally, bridesmaids were unwed women, or maidens, who helped the bride prepare. So if you wanted to have a married woman as your bridesmaid, she would be granted the title of honorary maiden for the day, or "Maid of Honour". Maid of Honour is not an Americanism, although it does seem to have become interchangeable with Chief Bridesmaid.

Person_one

thriftyemma wrote: »

"Maid of Honour" literally means honorary maiden. Traditionally, bridesmaids were unwed women, or maidens, who helped the bride prepare. So if you wanted to have a married woman as your bridesmaid, she would be granted the title of honorary maiden for the day, or "Maid of Honour".

I don't think that's right, in the US a married 'chief bridesmaid' is called Matron of Honour, as they aren't a 'maiden' anymore.

Soundgirlrocks

Person_one wrote: »

Semi-related question, when did people start using the Americanism 'Maid of Honor' instead of Chief Bridesmaid?

I used to think Matron of Honour was used if they were themselves married, Maid of Honor if single. Rather than an Americanism but it seem the norm now if you are older or you are just having one person (can't be Chief if there aren't any Indians!)

missbiggles1

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

I'm not a bridesmaid, she is just having her sister. But I know what you mean, I shouldn't say just a guest it is a honour to be invited

Sorry, I misread it.:o

gt568

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

My best friend of 10 years is getting married in a few months and I'm so excited for her, it not been an easy ride for her and her fiancee and I have been the shoulder to cry on on numerous occasions. I was the first person she called when they got engaged and have been sent dress photos and venue info and I'm making the cake for them.

The subject of maid of honour or bridesmaid hadn't been brought up and I thought she might not actually be having one (it's a small wedding) but I found out she has asked her sister to be Maid of Honour, they aren't close and whilst I understand she is family, I'm really hurt.

I was looking forward to helping her get ready, and sharing all the special memories with her, planning her hen party and I feel I need to step aside and let her sister do all of that. My bestie didnt indicated she wants me to help with any of that so I don't feel I can get involved. I'm trying not to let myself feel bitter and keep telling myself it doesn't matter but it has really upset me. Has anybody here been in a similar situation? If I tell her I'm upset she'll get stressed which is the last thing I want, I know she is finding wedding planning hard enough (another reason I'm hurt is I want to help make the whole thing easier for her) but if I don't mention it it feels like it will fester. She knows she would be my maid of honour as I asked her when my ex proposed to me.:(

I wish I had some first world problems....:rotfl:

missbiggles1

thriftyemma wrote: »

"Maid of Honour" literally means honorary maiden. Traditionally, bridesmaids were unwed women, or maidens, who helped the bride prepare. So if you wanted to have a married woman as your bridesmaid, she would be granted the title of honorary maiden for the day, or "Maid of Honour". Maid of Honour is not an Americanism, although it does seem to have become interchangeable with Chief Bridesmaid.

In that situation in the UK you had a married Matron of Honour with unmarried bridesmaids. I agree with the earlier post that it's an Americanism.

Person_one

gt568 wrote: »

I wish I had some first world problems....:rotfl:

You could post that on nearly every thread on this forum, but what would be the point?

firebird082

I think you need to mention it her somehow, otherwise you'll be left feeling disgruntled, and it may affect your future friendship. She probably has no idea how it's made you feel.

Something along the lines of "I was really looking forward to helping you with x, y and z on the day - is your sister doing that, or would you like some help from me as well?" might just open the lines of communication so you can have a proper discussion with her. For goodness sake don't just bottle it up. I would be mortified if one of my friends was that upset and didn't say anything to me and then our friendship fell apart because of it.

Edit: Having organised a hen do recently, I expect her sister would be extremely glad of extra help and ideas!