Disappointed not to be Maid of Honor

gt568

This thread just proves the point that a wedding isn't for the bride and groom, it is for all the hangers on. Like the OP.

Otherwise how could you get upset about your friend getting married and not just be happy for them.

dirty_magic

gt568 wrote: »

This thread just proves the point that a wedding isn't for the bride and groom, it is for all the hangers on. Like the OP.

Otherwise how could you get upset about your friend getting married and not just be happy for them.

People aren't robots, they do have feelings! I'm sure she is really happy for them, she just said she's disappointed!

That sounds just like something my OH would say, he hates weddings and all the stuff that goes with them!

surveyqueenuk

Just a thought but when your friend said she didn't need any more help, do you think she might think that you're doing enough for her already with the cake? Even though I know you don't see it as an imposition, it could be the case that she's thinking "Well, Soundgirl has enough on her plate with the cake, I don't want to ask her to do more jobs too".

arbrighton

codemonkey wrote: »

trying to devise a seating plan where the divorced couple who hate each other are on opposite sides of the room

Hmmmm, even harder when that's the groom's parents. Fortunately they could be placed at opposite ends of top table and managed to be civil

KxMx

I was really disappointed not to be asked to be Bridesmaid at a good friend of 18 years wedding last year, she had 2 other friends do it, and not to see the ceremony, they were horribly tight on numbers and of course family/wedding party comes first. I was no1 on the reserve list but no-one dropped out

But you know what I had a blast at the evening reception

mrsscattercushion

Sorry if this is out of line, as I don't know your circumstances, but the last couple of lines from your OP struck a chord with me (about her being your bridesmaid after your ex proposed). Without being too intrusive, did this go ahead?

Reason I ask is to take a different line from other posts....if it didn't, could your friend feel this is a delicate and sensitive subject still for you and hence hasn't asked you to do extra. Could it be that some of the reason this has hurt you is linked to you not getting the joy of planning your own day and therefore wanting to be part of hers (and not being able?)

If not, feel free to ignore any of that!!

I would just talk to her and ask whether there are other things she needs help with/remind her you are willing. If she takes you up great, if not, don't take it personally. I was pretty independent and did almost everything myself for my wedding (including making my own cakes). Dong someone's wedding cake is not doing "nothing"!

benrben

Had all the wedding "politics" first time round, learned a lesson for my 2nd marriage, we eloped to California, just the 2 of us & my son.

bylromarha

Soundgirlrocks wrote: »

Sister isn't married, I guess I'm hurt she didn't say, " I'm asking X to be my maid of Honour as she is my sister but I want you to be involved, and organise xyz" I'll offer to help in any way I can of course, but I'll feel like I'm elbowing my way in to a wedding I'm nothing more than a guest at, rather than helping my best friend on the biggest day of her life. I'm probably being over sensitive at the moment it's just got me questioning if she wants me involved at all.

I get that feeling. My bestie got married. My hubby was besties best man. I was merely wife of best man and made it into 1 photo...Which reflected nothing of the deep friendship the 3 of us had.

Not sure if the bride felt intimidated by me being a significant female in her grooms life, but was a hard one to swallow. I didn't say anything though, just helped the groom prepare for his day where I could. He appreciated the help & all 4 of us are good friends 15 years on.

Not sure me telling him how hurt I was to not be more of a central part to his wedding would have helped him. The day is all about your bestie OP. Be a friend and keep quiet about how you are feeling.

fierystormcloud

bylromarha wrote: »

I get that feeling. My bestie got married. My hubby was besties best man. I was merely wife of best man and made it into 1 photo...Which reflected nothing of the deep friendship the 3 of us had.

Not sure if the bride felt intimidated by me being a significant female in her groom's life, but was a hard one to swallow. I didn't say anything though, just helped the groom prepare for his day where I could. He appreciated the help & all 4 of us are good friends 15 years on.

Not sure me telling him how hurt I was to not be more of a central part to his wedding would have helped him. The day is all about your bestie OP. Be a friend and keep quiet about how you are feeling.

I seriously doubt that this was the case. You were just irrelevant to her. You may have been the 'bestie' of her husband, but you were obviously not important to her. She would have had her own female friends and female family members who helped her organise things. If you had been someone significant in the bride's life, you would have been more involved.

When my husband and I got married, at the turn of the century, he had a couple of female friends (work colleagues,) who I hardly knew, and I didn't see any reason to have them involved in the arrangements for our wedding. My mother, my sisters, my nieces, and 2 best friends at the time were the females in my life who were involved in my wedding. My husband's 2 female friends (from work) were the last people I thought of when I was rallying people around to help me. They were his friends, not mine, and he certainly wasn't bothered about them getting involved.

Do you think maybe you were the one who was intimidated by your male friend's new wife? Rather than her being intimidated by you? IMO, it sounds like it from your post.

heartbreak_star

I was bitterly disappointed when in the same situation. I bit my tongue and was just so happy for her when I saw her get married

HBS x